


Memoirs of the Lost

by katriona_subasa



Series: Memoirs of Jugdral [7]
Category: Fire Emblem, Fire Emblem Series, Fire Emblem: Seisen no Keifu | Fire Emblem: Genealogy of the Holy War
Genre: Gen, One Shot Collection
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-08
Updated: 2019-02-15
Packaged: 2019-05-04 05:02:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 20
Words: 66,379
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14585541
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/katriona_subasa/pseuds/katriona_subasa
Summary: Not all stories are written down. Not all stories get told. Some drift about in various pieces, waiting to be threaded together. Waiting for their time in the light, and eager listeners wanting to learn more. (FE4 Interquel; Oneshot Collection)





	1. Finn - Gran 761

Finn - Gran 761

* * *

It was amazing how colorless the world could be. Especially when it used to be so vibrant. But though I could still see things like 'blue' and 'red' and 'green', they might as well have been grey due to how… distant they all felt. Everything was washed out, and nothing was… well, that didn't matter. Even with the world being as colorless as it was, I still had my duties as a knight of Leonster. I still had the duties Lord Quan entrusted to me. No matter how much I wanted to just lay down and not move, I had to… I failed him once, so I couldn't fail again. So, I hate to...

"So, we confirmed that the Gae Bolg is in Thracia," I whispered, looking through the reports. That was expected, but still a blow. Not only to our morale, either. The Gae Bolg was one of Leonster's strongest weapons, symbol of the blessing the goddess Gaia granted to Noba, capable of annihilating any foe. In fact, according to the stories, when thrown, Gae Bolg, without fail, would strike and obliterate the heart of an enemy. "Well, thankfully, they can't use it." We just lost our best means of countering Gungnir. If Travant came with it… Travant who always seemed far too aware of arrows and couldn't ever be shot down as easily as his fellows…

"That _is_ looking on the bright side of things," Lord Xavier agreed with a small, tired smile. A skilled general and a master of arms, he was as common born as me. If not for the rather… classist… law that a _knight_ had to be in charge of Leonster's defenses, he would've been the one in charge. As it was, he helped me greatly, and I owed him far more than I could say. "Morale is going to take another hit."

"Hopefully not much of one. We've been anticipating this and…" And, honestly, few things were worse than learning of… "We should strengthen patrols, though…"

"Honestly, we might need to work evacuation plans more than a strengthening in patrols," Lord Dorias suggested. All three of us were in some random study, bent over a map on the table with papers scattered about. And it was the three of us because I was the 'official head', despite my youth, Xavier was skilled, and Lord Dorias might be retired, but he still helped where he could. A couple years ago, I would've been overawed by them. Now, I simply tried not to think of how it reminded me of the battle planning in Lord Sigurd's army. "We will certainly do what we can, but Thracia's knights are worse than hyenas. The civilians…"

"That is very true," Lord Xavier agreed. His eyes darkened with pain, and I knew why. Lord Xavier was very well known for being quite close to his lieutenants and, really, all the soldiers under his direct command. "Ah, that reminds me. Sort of. How is Lady Grahnye doing?"

"Still cold, but she doesn't block anyone from seeing Lord Ares as she used to." Lord Dorias sighed and I winced. Lady Grahnye blamed us for Lord Eldigan's death. We had tried to tell her what had happened, but she had refused to speak with us, too deep in mourning. That all said, when Lady Grahnye had heard about… "Ah, wait, you were asking about her collapse, I'm sorry. She's recovering nicely."

"Her health is still poor, though, so she's on bedrest," I whispered. Though she had conflicted feelings over everything, the news of what had happened had hit her hard. On top of not eating and barely sleeping ever since what happened in Agustria… I had to watch Lord Ares a couple of days so that she had complete quiet. Healer's orders. "Lord Ares and Lord Leif have a playdate tomorrow."

"That's always good to hear," Xavier murmured. He studied me closely, eyes sad. "Finn, how are you doing?"

"I'm fine."

"Are you sure? You've been quite… expressionless ever since…" He trailed off, but that was only because we could fill it in. Yied. Belhalla. Word had reached them about the devastation in both places, one right after the other. Lord Quan and Lady Ethlyn were dead. All the soldiers who went with them were dead. Lady Altena was dead. Lord Sigurd was dead. Everyone in his army was…

Distantly yet all too close, an ache formed in my heart. My parents had died when I was very young, before I could remember them, and I had been an orphan playing around until I signed up to serve as a soldier for Leonster, just to have a steady wage and food. Lord Quan had seen me practicing with the others, though, and had taken me aside, asking if I'd like to be a knight. A proper knight, despite my common birth. I had thought him insane, but had gone with it, because knights had better wages and better shelter. But before long, I had grown to love and respect Lord Quan, marveling at his dreams and plans for Leonster. He had been just yet kind, strong yet gentle. A lord I had been proud to serve, and so, I devoted everything to be worthy of the opportunity he proved me. It led to few friends, namely just Glade and Selfina, but I had always been alone. It hadn't bothered me.

A year or so after I became Lord Quan's squire, he had married Lady Ethlyn, a childhood friend of his, sister to one of his best friends, and the first foreign bride Leonster had in decades. The nobles had treated her fairly, but no few had been disappointed that Lord Quan would marry outside of Leonster. Lord Quan had asked I do what I could to make sure she was happy and comfortable despite the frosty reception. I thought it had been more of the reverse, namely that Lord Quan thought I could use another friend, though I did remember the first battle she fought. I remembered how afterwards, she had cried and thrown up, but had still remained determined to keep healing. I also remembered how that day was the first day Lady Ethlyn referred to me as 'family'. The first family I ever had, really. I remembered protesting or something, but she had simply laughed. And when Lady Altena was born, I had been one of the first to hold her. Because I was 'family'.

Then we got word from Duke Byron about the possibility of a Verdanite assault while Grannvale was busy with Isaach's unexpected aggression. Lord Quan worried and talked with his father about sending a force or even leaving himself. King Calf had agreed, but said that Lord Quan could only take one knight with him. Thracia had been too aggressive to send more. And Lord Quan had picked me, of all the knights. I was his squire, yes, but someone else could've served for the last years of my schooling. Dorias and Xaiver both offered. But Lord Quan had been adamant. He wanted _me_ to accompany him and Lady Ethlyn, and no other.

And that was when I met everyone. That was where I _forgot_ how to be 'alone'. I met Lord Sigurd, a man who almost seemed to shine too brightly and who seemed to embody the ideals of knighthood. I met Oifeye, who became as dear to me as a younger brother. I met Shanan, who I also viewed as a younger brother and fretted over. I met Alicia, my 'older sister' who always had a smile for me. Alec, Naoise, and Arden who I would discuss knighthood with and what it truly meant. Lord Lex and Lord Azel, who always made me laugh. Lachesis…

The ache grew then, and with it, the numb feeling I was used to. The only thing I could feel was the cold metal of the ring I wore, one of the two rings I had bought for Lachesis and myself. For the elopement that was more of a promise than anything, which Lord Quan and Lady Ethlyn teased me relentlessly over when they learned. That night had been so much fun. So warm, so bright… it seemed like nothing could go wrong and yet, everything did. Because everyone was dead. Dead, dead, dead. Including Lachesis. Including… Including Diarmuid. Including all the children. Dead like Lady Altena. Dead before… before…

"Finn?" Lord Dorias's voice was gentle, yet I still jerked back like I'd been slapped. I'd say the equally gentle and worried look on his face was worse, but I was too numb to feel… no, not quite true. I was in so much pain that I was numb to everything. "Perhaps you should lay down," Lord Dorias murmured, resting a hand on my shoulder. Across the table, Xavier nodded in agreement. "You can spare a few-"

"Finn!" Selfina poked her head into the room then, pigtails in disarray and, strangely, a bruise on her cheek. "Sorry, I know this is important, but Lord Leif just won't stop crying," she explained. Lord Dorias and Lord Xavier closed their eyes. "I know; I know. But if you can spare him for just a few seconds? The healers are worried something is wrong, but he won't let them near."

"He's a year old."

"Yeah, and he's got a good kick." Selfina pointed to the bruise for emphasis. "It won't take long."

"That's not why Xaiver and I…"

"Where is Lord Leif?" I asked, the words coming easily. No matter the pain, I had to keep moving. I had to. The world didn't end just because mine did. I had to at least keep with my duties. "And what do you mean that something is wrong?"

"Possibly," Selfina corrected, already leaving. I followed her closely, ignoring the exasperated worried look Lord Dorias and Lord Xaiver shared. "They don't know, but since he just burst into tears…"

"I see." I thought of the last day I had seen Lady Ethlyn. She had been bouncing Lady Altena in her arms to soothe her tears, and she officially had entrusted Lord Leif to me. 'To practice for Diarmuid!' she had laughed. Those had been the last words she'd said to me, aside from the general goodbyes when they had left. At the time, I had been embarrassed. Now… "Let's see about calming him."

Now, I just had my charge. Protect Lord Leif. There wasn't anything really left for me.

* * *

"Finn, Glade, which do you think looks better?" Selfina held up two squares of what seemed, to me, the same exact color, some bland shade of red. Glade, however, frowned and studied them closely, so perhaps they were different. "It'll be part of Lord Leif's outfit for the new year celebrations," she explained with a smile. It took a moment to remember that we were, in fact, going to hold the celebrations as per usual. It would be lesser compared to the usual, but King Calf thought it would be good for the people. "Finn? You'll probably be carrying him. Give me your opinion."

"Both are fine," I replied automatically. I wasn't paying attention, half-leaning against the window of Selfina's room. I was antsy. Lord Dorias and Lord Xavier had brought their worries to King Calf himself, and so I had been ordered, by royal decree, to take the day off. Glade and Selfina had excitedly done their best to help me have fun, but I couldn't think through the fog in my head. Everything was just… there. Nothing felt 'real' when I wasn't working. When I was just there with my own thoughts. "I don't know why you're asking me."

"Because you have an amazing sense of color, obviously!" Selfina scowled, and Glade wisely just kept studying the squares. "And don't say you don't. I've seen your sketches and-" Automatically, I flinched. Sketches… I hadn't sketched in a while. There were a few half-finished ones in my room, things I had planned on showing Lachesis… on showing Oifeye and Shanan and Alicia and… "Finn?"

"I'm fine." Again, the words were automatic, and I winced again when Selfina and Glade shared a worried look. I should be more cooperative. They really were trying their best to help me, and I knew that, but I just… it was just so hard. I wished they'd let me work. When I worked, I at least felt like I was in control of _something_ again. Instead of just being blown in the wind amidst the fragments of… "I swear that's the same shade of red, though."

"It is not!" Selfina scowled again and sighed gustily. "Oh, whatever. Hold still."

"For…?" Still, I did stand up a little straighter, and frowned when she held the squares by my face. "What are you doing?"

"Glade, which shade looks better with him?"

"Ah, that does make it a much easier choice," Glade mused, studying the squares. He smiled apologetically at me, but kept being very serious. He always went along with what Selfina planned; I was certain he had a crush and thus, he took every opportunity he could to see her smile and laugh. "I'd say the right one."

"My right?" Selfina asked. She giggled when Glade nodded. "That does look good, huh? Yes, let's do that!" She set the 'unused' square on the table and headed for the door. "I'll be right back, boys! I want to drop this off!"

"And there she goes." Glade chuckled as Selfina bolted and then turned to me. "I know what everyone meant to do, but I think this day off was actually worse for you."

"Worse, Selfina's probably noticed too," I sighed, leaning against the window again. I saw no point in denying it. I'd known Glade almost as long as I'd known Lord Quan. "I'm sorry."

"I wish I knew what I could do to make it better, but there _is_ no 'better' for this, is there?" Glade asked sadly. He rested a hand on my shoulder and smiled apologetically. "Maybe talking with King Calf would be better than just a day off."

"I am not bothering the king." I had to fight to not flinch at the implication. I didn't… want to think on how Diarmuid was… how I never… "He has enough to worry about." I glanced out the window, desperate for some sort of change of subject. Even something as simple as the weather. But I frowned as I noticed something. "A commotion at the gates?"

"Hmm?" Glade looked out the window as well, frowning too. "Damn, looks like it. Though, it could just be the guards following protocol a little too closely. They're new."

"That could be it." I almost looked away, but then my eyes caught sight of gold. It was a very vibrant shade, standing out sharply against the blandness of everything, and when I focused on it, I saw it was golden-blonde hair. Just like…

"Finn?" Glade's worried voice was strangely distant. "Finn!" It took a moment to realize that was because Glade wasn't next to me. He'd gone away. No, I'd gone away. I… I was running down the hall, down the stairs, as fast as I could. All because I had seen...

Realistic, realistic. I tried to remind myself to be realistic. There was no point in getting my hopes up. Because what were the chances? Low. Beyond low. Infinitesimal. Yet even as I told myself that, I couldn't stop running. I even vaulted over the banister just to save a bit of time, scaring some people in the process as I continued running. Down the halls, out the grand doors of the castle, all the way to the front gates of Leonster where…

"I already told you that I don't mind waiting, but I would very much like to speak to those two as soon as possible!" a voice snapped. I knew the voice. I knew that tone. It was the tone where she was tired, frustrated, but desperately trying to keep polite anyway. Because she hated being bratty. "I have not hiked all the way here, with all my things, to deal with paperwork!" My view was blocked by the guards, and I could've pushed forward, but I stopped a short distance away, too scared. Too scared that I might be... "I've been to Leonster before. So, please-"

"Lachesis?" I called. My mouth was dry. My heart hammered against my ribs. Scared. Scared, scared, so scared… but I… I… "Lachesis, is that…?"

"Finn?" Someone beyond the guards jumped up or something because I saw a flash of golden hair before it disappeared again. "Finn, that sound like… oh, for the love of everything, _move_!" One of the guards went flying as _Lachesis_ pushed them out of the way, Hezul strength making it so easy. And she stared at me before smiling brightly. "Finn!" And she ran straight for me, wrapping her arms around me for a giant, warm hug. "Oh, thank everything. It's been a long journey."

"I imagine. Belhalla is very far from here." Hesitantly, I returned the hug, expecting her to just vanish. Expecting to wake up from a wonderful, wonderful dream. But she was warm. She was solid. She was here. "You're… here…"

"I am." She pulled away slightly to smile at me. She was sunburnt, with some skin peeling. Her hair was unevenly cut. "Oh, wait, goodness, don't look…" She immediately covered her face with one hand, still clinging to me with the other. The hand bore the ring I had bought her. She also wore the earrings I sent to her. "I'm an absolute mess."

"You're beautiful, like always." I rested my forehead against hers, feeling just how… how solid she was. How warm. I didn't see a child, so I assumed… but at the same time… "You're here. You're alive. You're really alive."

"I am. And I finally made it here."

"Welcome back to Leonster, Lachesis." I finally smiled and, for the first time since we heard about all the deaths, it felt real. "I've missed you dearly."

"I've missed you too." She smiled back. "Hee… don't suppose I can get a bath or something, though?"

"I'll arrange something in my room. And I guess a guest room as well."

"Can I not just share with you?" She sulked a bit. "Come on."

"I didn't want to assume?" I looked to the side sheepishly… and noticed we had an audience. With Glade front and center. "Ah…"

"So, this is your wife?" Glade asked with a laugh. He bowed respectfully to Lachesis, paying no mind to her squeak. "Lady Lachesis, Selfina went to draw a bath for you in Finn's room. I'll handle any paperwork associated with your entry, so why don't you and Finn head on inside?"

"Thank you very much," Lachesis murmured. She studied him curiously before snapping her fingers. "Oh! You must be Glade! Finn has told me a lot about you."

"I dread the stories, and promise retaliation." Glade grinned. I simply shrugged. "Head on in. We're very glad to see you."

"Thank you." Lachesis looked up at me with a smile and rushed back to grab her things before returning to my side and taking my hand. Still warm. I still couldn't believe it, but she was warm. "Shall we then?"

* * *

"Poor Grahnye looked so frail," Lachesis sighed, leaning back in the chair. After her bath and a change of clothes, she had properly greeted King Calf and had gone to see Lady Grahnye and Lord Ares. "And so cold… but, then again, seems like she doesn't know what exactly happened with Eldie. Thankfully, she let me give her the letter. I'm so glad I finally got to pass that on."

"It seems Lord Ares recognized you immediately," I added, carefully brushing her hair. It was late, and so, we had retired to my room, where I'd evened out the ends of her hair for her. "That was nice, wasn't it?"

"It was! I was sure he'd forget me, but nope!" She giggled. I noticed it was sadder than her normal, more like the giggles she had after Lord Eldigan died, but they were still happy. And they were hers. I still swore I was just having a very good dream. "He's a lot bigger. Makes sense, but…"

"It was a surprise when we returned to find him here." Lady Altena had also been much bigger, but that memory hurt my heart, so I found a change of subject quickly. "Your hair is quite soft. You must've liked the conditioner Selfina gave you."

"I did. And the soap. I'm _so_ glad to finally get the damn sand off. I swear I lost three layers of skin between it and the sunburn." She whimpered as she looked at the burns on her arms. Or, rather, the bandages protecting them. Healers' orders. "Hey, Finn?"

"Hmm?"

"Have you all heard about…?"

"We have. About all the deaths and…" I finished brushing her hair and set the brush on my desk. I didn't exactly have a vanity or whatever. Selfina threatened to bring one in tomorrow. I had no idea from where, but I knew better than to argue. "I… am guessing Diarmuid…"

"Diarmuid's in Isaach." She said the words lightly, but they startled me so much that I whirled. She smiled sadly at me, yet clearly relieved. "Sigurd was worried about the dangers of bringing children into Yied and, more importantly, the battles to come. I debated so much, but decided to leave Diarmuid with Oifeye, Shanan, and Aideen. They left with most of the children."

"They… they did?" Things seemed to be moving far too slow and too fast at the same time. He hadn't been there? Oifeye and Shanan and Lady Aideen hadn't been there? They had… they had…? "Which children stayed?"

"Child. Lene. And by some miracle, probably the only one that day, she survived, perfectly fine and… Finn!" She leapt to her feet and it took a moment to realize it was because my legs had buckled. Only her quick reaction kept me from outright collapsing. "Hey, are you okay?" She easily got me seated on the bed and hovered over me worriedly. "Ah, I don't have my staff on me, I left mine with Claude, but I can go…"

I hugged her tightly, my eyes burning for some reason. "I thought you were both there…" My words were thick and shook, and I realized I was crying. Sobbing, really. "I thought you were both there, and both dead like…"

"Well, I _was_ there, but I got lucky. I had been near the back, and they prioritized the center." She ran her hands through my hair gently. "I'm not the only one that made it out, either. Claude, Sylvia, Lene, Brigid, and Jamke are all in Darna right now. And Alicia… well, she was alive when I last saw her."

"Who do you know is dead?"

"Sigurd. Chulainn. Midir. And honestly, that's it." She sighed and kissed the top of my head. "Too many unknowns still. It was such a mess, really."

"I'm sure." I tried to stop crying, but I couldn't. "Ah…"

"Ah, right, before I forget, the bodies of the Leonster knights are all in Phinora, which prides itself with neutrality, so I'm sure they're still there. Quan and Ethlyn are with them too. I have… no idea what they looked like or anything. I wasn't allowed to see them."

"Lady Altena?"

"Wasn't found, but it was also the desert…"

"Yeah…" Still, it would've been nice to have a body to properly put to rest. "You mentioned Alicia?"

"Yeah, she and Azel went ahead to see Arvis, so she wasn't with us. Seems like it was either a ploy to get his siblings out of danger or a ploy to make sure Azel couldn't warn us of the meteors in time." Her grip tightened briefly on me before relaxing. "I found her trying to heal Chulainn, and failing because he was gone. We saw Sigurd die, and then ran into Brigid and Jamke, who were trying to wake up Midir, who had died. Then we ran into Claude and Sylvia, who had Lene. _Then_ some rubble separated Alicia from the rest of us. She told me to run to Leonster, to make sure you all knew what had happened."

"Sounds like her."

"Doesn't it? Even when mentally collapsing because of what Arvis…" Her voice became harsh. "I am _never_ forgiving either of them for this. Arvis and Aida… Damn them to the blackest of hells. Right along with Travant."

"I'll second that." I pulled away to see if I could stop crying then, but the tears still came. "Ah, damn it. I should-"

"Let me be your wife and support you like I swore?" She sat next to me on the bed and pulled me into a hug, my ear resting over her heart. The sound of her heartbeat was the most soothing sound I had ever heard. "Finn, I've done quite a bit of crying already. Quite a bit of screaming too. It's a long way from Belhalla to Leonster, and it took even longer because we had to be sure to not get caught. But that was with me knowing what had happened. Sort of. I don't know why. I don't know how. But I knew _what_ had happened. I knew who was there and who wasn't. But you didn't. You didn't even know that Diarmuid was relatively safe." She kissed my hair. "And I bet you haven't cried. Because you focused on work."

"There's so much to do." Still, I relaxed. Warm… she was warm… for the first time in what felt like ages, I wasn't numb. I hurt. I was tired. But I wasn't _numb_. "Ah, wait, Lord Leif…"

"Oh, right, I get to meet him! That's going to be great." She ran her hand through my hair again and I closed my eyes, still crying. "Oh, wait, you probably meant you had to go tend to him."

"I'm entrusted with his safety." Still, I couldn't move. Even though that was one of the few things left… "That's…"

"I think you can take a few moments to yourself, Finn. Besides, at this hour, Leif is probably asleep."

"Maybe." It was admittedly easier to get Lord Leif ready for bedtime than naptime. Glade and Selfina could probably… "Are you okay?"

"You're supposed to be focusing on you, for once. Ah well, you have always been the knight." She even laughed a little. "I'll admit that I have nightmares. I'm a bit… well…"

"Broken?"

"Yeah. And I am worried the shards are going to cut you."

"Don't care."

"I do. Just like you care if the 'shards' from you are going to hurt me." She had a point there. "But, right now, I'd like to be here for you, just like you were there for me after Eldie died. And, I don't know, tomorrow when everything hits again, we'll switch roles. Then we'll switch back."

"Ha… fine, I'll agree to that." It was just so nice to finally relax and not have so much fog in my head. "We'll see Lord Leif once…"

"That sounds good." She pulled me down next to her so that we were both laying down on the bed. I shifted so that I could still listen to her heartbeat. I… I _needed_ to hear it. "Ah, I can tell you more about Diarmuid. I wish you could see him."

"He's alive. He's alive, and so long as we both live, I can eventually see him." I longed to meet him too, but his safety took priority. And I wasn't exactly in a hurry to crossing the Yied and not just because of my duties. "Wait, just how many…?"

"Well, there's Seliph, Caitriona, Conall, Ulster, Larcei, Lester, Diarmuid, and… well, Aideen was pregnant again. Ulir luck _really_ kicking in, apparently." Lachesis sighed. "I swear; Brigid's luck was the only reason we made it to Darna as well. The stories seemed to downplay that damn luck."

"That's quite a few children."

"Well, they do have practice with babysitting. They watched them frequently during the Silessean Civil War, and afterwards." She laughed again, though I could hear the worry in it. "Their plan was to make it to a village. The Issachians have been looking forward to Shanan's return, so they should get some shelter. And more than that, I..."

"Oifeye is a skilled fighter. Shanan was becoming one. And we both know that Aideen is a very good healer."

"Plus she knows how to fight. She learned tomes and had at least two on her when she left."

"Then I'm sure they're as safe as anyone else."

"...Yes, I'm sure too." Lachesis held me a little more closely. My tears finally stopped, but now, I was just too tired to move. "We should go to Darna. I'm sure the others would be glad to see you."

"I'll check if I can be spared that long." I was definitely drifting off… "Sleepy…"

"Then sleep, silly." She kissed my head again, giggling. "Yay… I finally get to sleep beside you again."

"Yeah… I'm glad…" Barely conscious… "Love you."

"I love you too, Finn." And those were the last words I heard before falling asleep.

* * *

"You know; I've never visited Darna before," I murmured as Lachesis and I rode into Darna, looking for an inn or stable to rent. Lord Leif squirmed in front of me, no doubt wanting to grab at all the bright and colorful things. "Lord Leif, no." I held onto him tightly and he looked up to sulk at me. "No."

"Surprisingly, Ares isn't giving me much trouble," Lachesis giggled. True enough, Lord Ares sat very neatly in front of Lachesis, even as he looked this way and that in curiousity, clinging to the stuffed bear Alicia had given him long ago. I tried to not think of how the last time I had seen Lady Altena, she had been clinging to _her_ stuffed bear. "I'm surprised Grahnye asked that I'd take him along. Grateful, but surprised."

"Lord Ares _has_ been very cooped up." I knew also that Lady Grahnye was actually having a bit of surgery done, her lack of eating from grief and stress had stressed her heart, but she had made me swear to not tell Lachesis. I didn't feel right, keeping it secret, but no matter how cold she felt towards Lachesis, she still didn't want Lachesis to worry. "Ah, over there..." I pointed to an stable not far away, one that had some people already lined up to rent out stalls. "Shall we try it?"

"Yeah, that looks like a good place." Lachesis smiled warmly and hugged Lord Ares. He smiled warmly at her, but didn't say anything. Though he had been talking, ever since the move to Leonster, he'd been very silent. He'd talked to Lady Altena, but… "I'm also surprised King Calf let us bring Leif."

"There was a _lot_ of debate on that." And if we were going even one step more north, there was no way he'd be coming with us. But King Calf thought the travel might be good for Lord Leif… and no one wanted to deal with his tantrums during naptime while I was away. "Here we are."

We both dismounted and negotiated payment for renting two stalls for a day. From there, we meandered through Darna's market, to hide our exact destination. We had no idea who was watching, and in times like this, it was better to be paranoid. That said, some of the meandering wasn't intentional. Lord Ares had a _horrible_ habit of just wandering to whatever looked interesting and, perhaps because he was a Hezul Major, he easily broke free of Lachesis's grip no matter what she tried. Worse, though, was the fact that if he hadn't been curious about the dancer on the corner, we might've walked right past Sylvia.

"Oh my gosh! Finn!" Sylvia was thinner than I remembered, more tanned and a little more serious. But her smile and hug were the same. "Ah, I'm so glad to see you!" she cheered, giggling. She poked Lord Leif's cheek, smiling softly at him. Lord Leif shyly smiled back. "So, this is little Leif, huh? So cute~!" She bent down to pick up the container for coins she had out, nearly dropping it because of how many there were, and then kissed Lachesis's cheek before ruffling Lord Ares's hair. "You made it to Leonster then. Good. Have a fun first night~?"

"Sylvia!" Lachesis yelped, turning bright red. I, wisely, kept my mouth perfectly shut and simply kept Lord Leif from pulling on Sylvia's ribbons. B-besides, we had waited a couple of nights before… "There are children!"

"I had to tease. You're finally looking better. I knew seeing Finn would be good for you." She ruffled Lord Ares's hair again before skipping down the road. "Still, glad you guys stopped by. We're not at the church, and I'm sure that's where you were heading."

"Well, that's where Claude said you would be, at least." We quickly followed her, and I found myself relaxing. Sylvia always had that air to her. It was part of why her dances had been so popular with the army. "Did something go wrong?"

"Not at all. They just got us set up with a house, you see. Much better than staying in the church." She hummed as she continued skipping before turning into a rather nondescript house just off the main road. "Brigid! We've guests!"

"We do?" Lady Brigid stepped into the main room of the simple house from… based on the smell of food, I'd guess it was the kitchen, and that she'd been cooking. "Oh! Hey, there!" she greeted, smiling warmly at us. "Good to see you again, Sir Finn."

"And you, Lady Brigid," I murmured, bowing sightly. She had joined Sigurd's army shortly before I had left, so I didn't know her well. Still, it was a relief to see she was well. "Something smells good."

"Glad that's the case, since I'm not exactly sure what I'm doing. I'm just following the recipe as best as I can." She grinned and winked. No matter what she said, she was clearly having fun. "Jamke will be back from his odd jobs soon, but Claude is-"

"Ah, so this is why the mood of the house suddenly brightened." Father Claude himself appeared from a hallway, probably one that led to bedrooms. Unlike every other time I'd seen him, he wore his hair braided. A baby girl, probably Lene, was sleepily curled up against his shoulder. "I am pleased to see you are both well," he told us warmly, with a matching smile. "Come in, sit down. Who are the children?"

"Leif and Ares," Lachesis explained, nudging Ares over towards Father Claude. Brigid and Sylvia disappeared into the back to continue cooking. "I'd tease about you making the girls do the cooking, but I remember your poor attempt."

"Yes, and we do have to budget, so it's better to just have the ones who can make edible food take over." Father Claude passed Lene over to Lachesis, who cooed over her. "Finn, now that I'm taking a closer look at you, _are_ you well? You look like…"

"It's… been a long few weeks," I replied slowly. I decided to set Lord Leif down, and almost immediately, he crawled over to Lord Ares to pull on his sleeve. Lord Ares scowled, but let him. "Let's just say I thought everyone was at Belhalla."

"Ah, of course…" Father Claude murmured. He peered at me and nodded after a moment. "I've some medicines I'd like you to have on hand. It's not too hard to make, so I'll give you the recipe as well. It's something to help when recovering from poor sleep and poorer eating."

"I ate!" Though, it had admittedly been more of Glade putting food in front of me and then sitting with me until I cleaned my plate. Food still tasted like normal, but I just hadn't cared. "I will admit to the sleeping thing, though."

"And overworking?" He smiled slightly, and I guiltily looked down to where Lachesis was helping Lene play with Lord Ares and Lord Leif. "Everyone deals with grief differently. The important thing is recognizing when your mourning might be having an adverse effect on you, which is very difficult."

"It is." I sighed and looked up at him with a bitter smile. "I don't suppose, Father Claude, you have some sort of explanation or anything for why this all happened?"

"I wish I did." Father Claude sighed, and moved his braid in front of his shoulder to fuss with the ends. "I wish I also knew why the gods gave me the Valkyrie Staff. I tried it on so many. Annand. Quan. Ethlyn. Yet none worked."

"Lord Sigurd, maybe?"

"Sadly, one of the many requirements for the Valkyrie Staff requires a body. Valflame turns even ash into nothing."

"Ah." I tried to not wince, but I knew I had failed by his sympathetic smile. Lachesis had told me a bit about what had happened, including Deirdre apparently being the lost princess _and_ Arvis's wife despite… everything. But she hadn't told me that part yet; she always broke down. She had stayed with Lord Sigurd, after all, in the hopes of keeping him from facing the same end as Lord Eldigan. Yet, at the end, none of us could do anything. "Any word on anyone else?"

"Not that I have heard but… ah, Jamke, welcome back."

"I still don't get how you can do that, Claude." King Jamke walked in and did a double-take when he saw me. "Finn!" he greeted warmly, barely shutting the door before running over to give me a hug. I hugged him back tightly, relieved. While I'd never say we were friends, I had known him for a very long while, so it was good to actually see him. "Good to see you!" He half-crouched to ruffle Lachesis's hair, and she made a face at him before continuing with the playing. Lord Ares and Lord Leif seemed like they were having quite a bit of fun. I wasn't sure about Lene, but at the least, she wasn't crying or making faces. "How are things in Leonster?"

"We're… coping," I replied. It seemed like the best answer, and he nodded, understanding. "I'm surprised you ran here and not Verdane."

"Brigid and I tried, but it's just too far. We might take the long way down through Thracia and Miletos before swinging around. Going anywhere near Grannvale doesn't seem wise. But that'll be a bit." Jamke grimaced and rubbed the back of his neck. "Nothing to be done about everything, though. Damn that Arvis. I knew I had a bad feeling, but the others just trusted him so much. The guy is a bastard for taking advantage of them."

"Yes…" I couldn't help but wonder if I could've done something if I'd been there. Just as I wondered if I could've done something if I'd been with Lord Quan when… what if, what if… they haunted me, and drained the color out of the world. But everyone else helped the colors come back, a little. Enough. "I was just asking Father Claude if he's heard anything about the others." I glanced at him, but he had turned his attention to the children, playing with them too. "He hadn't."

"That's because I'm the gossip gatherer, and since it's been a few weeks, we are _finally_ getting rumors." King Jamke brought up his hand to count the information, like it was a well-organized list. "I'm assuming you know about Sigurd, Midir, and Chulainn. Got apparent confirmations on all three of Sigurd's knights." I flinched. It made sense, of course, but it still hurt to hear. I also couldn't help but be _envious_ that they had fallen with their lord, while I… "Beowolf is also confirmed." That one surprised me. I didn't know him well, but I honestly didn't think he could die. "And everyone else is considered, officially, 'missing'. Except Alicia."

"She's okay?"

"Well, she's _alive_ , but I'm not sure how 'okay' she is living with the people who murdered everyone." King Jamke sighed and I winced. I wasn't the only one; both Father Claude and Lachesis flinched too. "Seems like she didn't make it out of the city, and so, she's in Belhalla. She's officially the Duchess of Velthomer, but I don't think they let her leave the palace."

"So, prisoner."

"That's how I'm viewing it. Could be wrong. But based on how she always hid from her heritage…" King Jamke grimaced and I could only nod in agreement. Alicia had wanted a simple life with Chulainn. There was no way living in the palace, as a 'duchess', was _anything_ _near_ what she'd want. "They won't say anything that's contrary to 'loving sister of the king living with his family', though."

"Of course." That still hurt, though. I remembered Alicia's smile when we left, and the promises to see each other again. I still wore the necklace she had given me even. But now, I wondered if that would be a broken promise. Just another thing broken. "Is there anything else?"

"Well, Silesse is apparently prepping their defenses, what little there is, so I think _someone_ managed to make it there to warn them." King Jamke smiled bitterly. "Hopefully, Lewyn and Erinys. For their son's sake."

"Sylvia prays for them every single day," Claude whispered, smiling sadly but not looking up. I winced, remembering how close Sylvia, Lord Lewyn, and Lady Erinys were. "She's certain they're fine. Just one of her feelings."

"She does have a good intuition," Lachesis murmured. She hesitated before looking up at King Jamke. "Have you heard anything about Isaach?"

"Not much, but supposedly, the people are excited about something," King Jamke explained. He smiled gently at both Lachesis and me. "I'm guessing it's due to Shanan and, in that case, that group is perfectly safe."

"Oh, that's reassuring." Lachesis smiled warmly, and I managed a smile of my own. It was good to hear that. To hear that the children were safe. I could handle not seeing Diarmuid if it meant he was safe. Though I did, almost desperately, want to meet him. "And with that, I say we set up for meals. You'll be staying, right? You guys staying the night? Sure you are."

Amusingly, all of them assumed we would stay the night with them instead of at an inn, and neither Lachesis nor I could convince them otherwise. Thus, we spent a rather lively evening with them, chatting and joking as much as we could. Every once in a while, someone would wince, remembering something or someone from the army, but each time, it was ignored to simply enjoy the present. Enjoying being alive, and enjoying not being alone. Not being alone was wonderful and soothing. This was the feeling I had gotten used to, in Lord Sigurd's army. I was glad to experience it again.

* * *

"You know; I've always heard about Leonster's end of year celebrations, but I've never attended," Lachesis noted, brushing her hair at the vanity Selfina moved into my room at some point while we were in Darna. She also wore one of Selfina's dresses, modified to fit Lachesis. Also done while we were away. "Selfina is also incredibly sweet."

"When she wants to be," I replied, dressing Lord Leif. Now that colors existed again, I could admit that the red did suit Lord Leif well. Though, at the same time, I was certain I didn't want to see him in red again, if I could help it. It was different enough from the color of blood to keep me from panicking, but similar enough to make me nervous anyway. "If she's mad at you, she'll give you the third or fourth degree."

"Sounds like a good friend." She giggled and winked at me before checking her face, frowning a bit over her freckles her sunburns had left behind. I thought them adorable, but she didn't like them. "I wonder why she wants to be so sweet with me, though."

"Who knows?" I did. Selfina was just happy that I was able to smile again. Lachesis, and the news she brought, were able to give me the grounding _to_ smile, so she wanted to spoil Lachesis. However, in retrospect, I owed Glade and Selfina a lot. If not for them, I was sure I would've been much worse. Perhaps I would've never felt again, never enjoy color again, if they hadn't grabbed onto me and kept me from falling. I'd make sure to buy them something in the market. Maybe matching somethings, to tease Glade. "Will Lady Grahnye join us?"

"She's going to try, but she's still recovering, so if she has to head back in, she'll leave Ares with us." She sighed in frustration. "Can't believe she had surgery while we were away. She should've said something. I could've helped!"

"You were quite excited to head to Darna to reassure the others." Lady Grahnye also just wanted time to herself. She _had_ thought Lachesis was dead, just as I had. "You seem to be mending your relationship, though."

"We are!" Lachesis grinned, giggling. "I'm so glad she read Eldie's letter!" Lady Grahnye had read the letter while recovering and, probably because she _finally_ had answers, her attitude had softened considerably. "I wish she would've let me give her Eldie's letter for Ares, but it makes sense why." It wasn't as if Lord Ares could read it himself. She wanted Lachesis to wait until he could. "Still, I'm glad she's willing to talk to me again. That was so awkward."

"I'm sure." I finished dressing Lord Leif and lifted him up in the air. Lord Leif immediately smiled and laughed, and I smiled back. That was a smile I wanted to protect. His, Lachesis's, and Diarmuid's. If those three smiled, then I could make it through just about anything. "Ah, you went to see the healers afterwards, though."

"Part of it was to get them for Grahnye. She was dizzy." Lachesis suddenly blushed, though, and moved from the vanity to the bed. I passed Lord Leif to her and made sure my own clothes were on right. "Part of it was also on Grahnye's recommendation. I swear she's got crazy insight, sometimes."

"Are you ill?"

"Nooooo…" Lachesis smiled up at me. "I'm pregnant."

"Ah, I… huh?" Everything stopped at the words. I couldn't think past them. "Er… what?"

"I also got quite the scolding for not using proper protections, but whatever." Her smile faded as I continued to stare at her. "Finn? You okay?"

"Wasn't expecting that is all." And I was reminded of when I got the letter where she had told me that. I had felt so happy yet so guilty. I was nowhere near then. Now, I was, but so much had happened that I had no idea what to fear. Elation? Terror? Both blurred together so much that I couldn't separate them. "Do you want to keep them?"

"I'd like to, yes." She frowned, worried now. "Do you…?"

"I'm fine with whatever you decided. I'm just…" I struggled to think of what to say and eventually just sighed and sat next to her. "Afraid. I'm afraid."

"About?"

"Well, one, Alicia did write about how close to death you got."

"Oh, I told her not to!" She scowled briefly before sighing. "Ugh… just like her, though."

"To be fair, she wrote it to Lady Ethlyn, not me, and it was to ask about remedies we had in Leonster. I just heard her asking."

"Now that's _really_ just like her. Always the worrywart." Lachesis grew sad, though she hid it by playing with Lord Leif. "I miss her. I miss all of them."

"I do as well." I gently touched her cheek before running my hand through her hair. She wore it down for the celebrations. "But that's a good lead in to the second worry. It's very dangerous. Thracia _will_ attack us, and honestly, all of us are certain Thracia will win. We lost too many of our soldiers."

"Mmm… true." Lachesis closed her eyes, but then smiled warmly. "But we're not alone. We can protect them. I know it."

"I hope so." It was hard to believe, but she, at least, was confident. "Thirdly, I am scared I won't be a good father, given… everything."

"You'll be great. I can tell by how you are with Leif." She laughed when Lord Leif reached for me. I took him and he curled up against me, smiling. "See?" She took my hand and smiled. "I do think it'll be fine, Finn. Later years might be rough, but I'm sure we can get through it. Things have to go well eventually."

"I hope so." I sighed, but I did smile back finally. "Okay. I will admit that I'm happy about it, by the way. Very happy. I'm just…"

"You're super worried. I am too. But I think the risks will be _well_ worth them and I'm sure we can make it through, together." Her smile became much happier and more more relieved. I was glad for it, and hoped her confidence would eventually ease my own continued worries. "Oh, we'll have to think of names! One for a boy and one for a girl."

"Uh… right…" And here I was, very bad with names. I only thought of 'Diarmuid' because it was my favorite story when I was younger. And even that had taken forever. "You can have fun with that."

"Finn!" She sulked, and I tried to not squirm. "Come on! At least think of one?"

"I'm very bad with names!" Still, I did try to think, just for her. But only one came to mind, and it was… "I can only think of the name Lady Ethlyn and Lord Quan picked out for a girl, if they had a second daughter."

"Oh?" Lachesis leaned into me. "What was it?"

"Nanna. It's from folklore, like 'Diarmuid'."

"Oh, that's so pretty…" Lachesis sigh happily. Music began filtering in from outside, signalling the start of the celebrations. We'd have to be there soon, for King Calf's speech. "Well, why don't we go with that for a girl?"

"Huh?"

"We don't have to, if you don't want or if you think it's weird or…" She began playing with her hands, smiling shyly. "Just… it _is_ a pretty name and it would mean, in a way, Ethlyn and Quan named our little girl. And that just… well, you can't tell me they wouldn't have thrown a hundred suggestions our way."

"More like a thousand." I could see it so clearly. I could hear it too. I wished they were here. I wished I had… "If you don't learn of one you like better, then yes, we can go with it." I smiled at her again, and she giggled, pleased. "As for a boy…" I did my best to think, and came up with… an idea, at least. "I'm not sure how traditions go in Agustria, but we could name a boy for Eldigan."

"A direct namesake would be bad luck so soon after his death, but something similar… yes, that sounds like fun. Maybe a play on lions? Since they were so strongly associated with him?" She hummed a bit and then hopped to her feet. "Regardless, we're late, aren't we?"

"Just a little." I stood as well, and shifted Lord Leif so that I could carry him a little more easily. And with one arm, so that I could hold Lachesis's hand. "Wait, we have to watch what you eat and drink and the like."

"I've got the list memorized. Everyone was _relentless_ at making sure I followed the strict diet." Lachesis tugged on my sleeve and leaned up to kiss me as soon as I looked at her. "I love you."

"I love you too." I kissed her as well, smiling at her giggle. "Let's enjoy the festival." It honestly might be the last one we had for a while. The days ahead were dangerous and open warfare was a distinct possibility. But that was for the future. Right now, we really were late and I wanted Lachesis and Lord Leif to enjoy themselves.

I hoped, wherever he was, Diarmuid was enjoying himself too. And that maybe, one day, we'd all be together, as a family. One day, I'd meet him, with his younger sibling. We'd see how that worked out. Still, so long as everyone remained safe, and smiling, I'd be content. Even if I died, I'd be content.

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's note: So, welcome to… this collection of oneshots. Basically, they're ideas for stories that won't leave me alone, but that I also don't want to turn into full-blown, multi-chaptered stories. There's no real rhyme or reason to them, with each one likely having a different POV char and/or being set in an entirely different year. The only thing they have in common is that most (if not all) will be set during the timeskip between Gen 1 and Gen 2 (which is like… eighteen years in _Memoirs of the Holy War_ ), mostly to show how I imagine various things. Like here, with Lachesis and Finn reuniting after the Yied and Belhalla massacres. It's also going to (likely) focus on FE4 chars for the time being, though FE5 chars might be added when I get around to writing the FE5 novelization. None of the POV chars in this story will be Alicia or Riona, since they have their own stories. This is meant to supplement _Memoirs of the Holy War_ , after all. So, feel free to suggest ideas, but honestly, this is just going to be a 'whenever I feel like it' or, more accurately, 'when an idea will not leave me alone' (like this oneshot; I couldn't concentrate on the chapter I was working on because it kept bouncing around my skull). If you want to suggest, don't suggest Travant. He'll be getting his own story, much like Arvis did with _Memoirs of Velthomer_ and Deirdre/Diadora did with _Memoirs of Belhalla_. Because he's a liiiiittle too complicated to leave just for a oneshot. (Jugdral's long timespan and complicated chars lend themselves to a lot of stories, gdi.)
> 
> Regardless, let's focus on this particular oneshot. Finn is the POV char (as can be seen by the title; all titles in this collection will have the name of the POV char and the year), covering the time between the massacres (and end of Gen1) and the end of the year. In supplementary material (such as the story of Leonster's fall, providing I remembering things correctly), Grahnye is mentioned to be very cold to Lachesis, even venomous due to her and Sigurd's roles in Eldigan's death. I toned that down a little, mostly because I had Eldigan actually write a letter to Grahnye (I think in Fe4, there's only a letter for Ares). Her frail health… I want to say it's from the game or the Fuyuki manga, but I honestly can't recall if that's actually the case or not and I can't find my notes on it. Regardless, it just made some sense to me.
> 
> For clarification, Finn's not colorblind or anything (though I have heard of that happening due to trauma). It's simply depression/trauma draining everything, locking him into apathy and pain. Selfina, Glade, and Xavier are all playable chars from FE5, with Xavier being infamous for having one of the hardest, most convoluted recruitments in the entire damn series. Dorias is an NPC from the same game.
> 
> Gae Bolg being known for 'piercing the heart' is a nod to the Fate Series (like _Fate/Stay Night_ ). The mention of annihilation is due to the viciousness of its kills in Irish mythology (to put it into perspective, one has to actually cut into the victim's body in order to retrieve the spear and there's mentions of the barbs filling every single joint in the body). The mention of Travant being 'aware' of bows is because, in game, he has the Nihil/Awareness skill, removing the effectiveness bonus bows would normally have on him as a flier.


	2. Ishtar - Gran 779

Ishtar - Gran 778

* * *

Julius used to be kind. Sensible, kind, gentle… with a warm smile that lit up his face and eyes. I loved him. I loved him so much. I loved his laughter. I loved how shy he would get when he gave me gifts. I loved how excited he got whenever I agreed to a date. I loved how he encouraged me. I loved… I loved…

But love is not so blinding that I didn't notice the changes. And slowly, I learned to be wary of his laughter, because it could be caused by anything from 'Conall having to chase after Hekate before she stole fish from the kitchens again' to 'citizens of the empire being tortured until the pain drove them mad'. I learned to be wary of his smiles, because it could be genuine or it could be the last thing someone saw before he rotted them from the inside out. I learned to always agree to, or at least have a damn good excuse to avoid, his dates. I learned to always accept his gifts with a smile, no matter how much or little I actually wanted it. I learned… I learned…

But there were still flashes of his old self. I knew that. There had to be a way to save him. There had to be a way to pull him out of the darkness he had fallen into. Ha… 'fallen'... like it had been a simple bit of tripping. No, he'd been pushed. Manfroy, damn him to the darkest and blackest of hells… no, that wasn't enough. Damn him to the fires. Damn him to the hells filled with nothing but flames so that his spirit would burn forever. He was afraid of fire. He had been burned at the stake as a child, covered with scars. I wished he'd died. I felt bad for the ones who had, but gods, Manfroy sure did give a good case for the Hunts. Then again, would he have turned out as he had if there had been Hunts at all? I had no idea and, honestly, I didn't care. I hated him too much to turn him into something complicated. I wasn't Conall, who would constantly balance complicated morality with his own feelings. When I hated, I liked to keep things _simple_. Like how much I wanted to electrocute Manfroy until he was nothing but a twitchy pile of mush for what he did to Julius.

I wished Julius had been more careful! Why hadn't he been? He'd known there was something just plain wrong with Manfroy. We all did. We'd known it for years. We'd known it because Alicia had _hated_ him. Even when she was so tired, so sad, slowly weakening and dying… she had _hated_ him. She had kept him from us, as best as she could. In fact, the one time I ever heard her raise her voice was when Manfroy tried to treat Julius, without anyone else being in the room.

I wasn't supposed to be near. I had snuck out of lessons to visit Julius because he was sick. But I had heard her _scream_. 'Get alone with him again, and I will burn you alive!' And she had glared, fierce and defiant, and Manfroy had flinched, tucking a black tome close to his chest as he cowered. That was one of the few times I'd seen Manfroy as anything but smug. And that had been the one time I saw the 'Alicia' that Arvis had known, the 'Alicia' from before the Battle of Belhalla. That one time… all to protect Julius. And it stuck with me. I told Cyas, and it stuck with him too. The two of us always made sure to be with Julius while he was sick after that. We always made sure Manfroy couldn't get near.

Until Manfroy took advantage of how Julius was willing to help people, even those he was uncomfortable with. I wondered, now, if that tome was the same one. I wondered if Manfroy had tried to set up… all that had happened... when Julius was so young, so little. Too young to fight back. I wondered if Alicia had delayed his plans and that was why he hated her. Then again, he might've hated her because she was fire, even more than Arvis. The fire that warmed, and the fire that seared. Manfroy was scared of fire. Based on the stories of the old her and based on how much spirit she still had even when slowly dying… I could believe it.

But it hadn't mattered, had it? Manfroy still won, and I had to watch Julius slowly disappear. And I loved him. I loved him, I loved him, I loved him. I loved him so much that it hurt. But I… I knew. I knew, in my heart of hearts… I knew what had happened. I knew the inevitable. I knew no amount of denial would change it. But gods, did I ever deny. Deny, deny, deny… because the foolish, naive, lover-of-storybook-endings part screamed how it wasn't fair. How there had to be some way to fix things. How there had to be some way to stop Julius from 'dying' and leaving only a demon who wore his face. It screamed that there had to be a happy ending. But, the part of me that spent too much time with Conall scoffed and said that there was no such thing as a 'happy ending', especially given these circumstances. And my heart of hearts already mourned, even as I continued to deny. Already accepted. Already moved on and…

"The hell are you doing sitting here in the dark, Ishtar?" Conall's voice startled me, and I jerked up to see him pulling back the curtains of my room, letting the sunlight in. I didn't even hear him enter. "You practicing your night vision like a kitty cat?" he joked, smiling warmly at me. Automatically, I smiled back. I always smiled with him. Always. "You've got the worst bedhead, by the way. You kind of look like you have cat ears, actually."

"You are the worst," I retorted without heat, still with a smile. I glanced out the window and gasped, noticing how high the sun was. I was still in my nightgown, still in bed, but I was _supposed_ to be…! "Oh, damn it! I'm-!"

"Reinhardt told Julius that you were feeling unwell, and Cyas backed him up, citing that you needed rest and seclusion and, as such, unable to meet him for that trip in the market." Conall snapped his fingers and casually used the fire to light a few candles, just to really get some light in my room. And some nice scents. "I've got Hekate keeping him busy."

"He hates Reinhardt." I was honestly scared he'd kill Reinhardt one of these days. "He…"

"Reinhardt is aware of that. But he is your knight, and has served you ever since you were both children."

"That is true." Reinhardt had been my very first friend, though he'd always deny it. To him, I was his lady and he was my knight, and that was it. Still, I could always count on him to keep me safe from the things that mattered. Like my own regrets. "Cyas helped?"

"Reinhardt made sure to get Cyas first. So now, Julius is out in the gardens, exterminating bugs to keep them from eating the flowers you so love."

"And Reinhardt and Cyas are safe?"

"As safe as can be." Conall grabbed a brush from my vanity and sat behind me to brush my hair. "You… might want to send Reinhardt to Alster, though. Just in case."

"I'll task him with watching out for Tine." I was _deathly_ worried about her. The battles between Leonster and Alster were growing worse and while I knew Father would keep her off the battlefield as long as he could… "Why is this all happening?" So much war. So much fighting. I hated it all. Ish. I mean; I did love a good fight. I did love showing off my magical prowess. But there was just something different between a 'good fight' and… everything that was going on. Though, I was good at pretending. A good thing too, considering everything. But pretending all the time was exhausting. "Why?"

"Because a scared little boy threw a tantrum, gathered a bunch of other scared children to throw a bigger tantrum, and now they want the world to feel the pain they felt." Conall was, as always, perfectly blunt. "I'd also argue some bit of madness born from being treated like criminals for being born, and honestly, I'm certain that living in the Yied makes you more than a little crazy by default. And the lack of sunshine." Conall paused at a particularly bad tangle. I hadn't brushed my hair last night. Actually, I hadn't brushed it for a couple of days. "Too much sun is bad, of course. Just look at sunburns. But so is too little. There has to be a balance, and Manfroy shows what happens when there is too little."

"Do we have an example of too much?"

"Mmm… could argue Arvis. Arvis was all, 'I am of Crusader blood and I must champion the people' and then exploded everyone."

"I suppose I could see that." I sighed, drooping. Mother would scold me for such poor posture, but I couldn't help it. I was so damn tired, and though I could fake my way through it with most, Conall would see through me. He always did. "Wait, Conall, why are you here?"

"I got kidnapped, remember?"

"You know exactly what I meant, jerk."

"I know." Conall laughed softly. It was a quiet, and warm, laugh. "I knew you'd be sitting here in the dark, so I came by to let the light in."

"Ah." I thought of how… apt that was. I was certain, _certain_ , that I wouldn't have made it anywhere near this far if not for him. Reinhardt and Cyas protected me, of course, but Conall was the one who would reach out and drag me up. Always there. Always kind. Always supporting.

He was probably the person I was closest to. Ever since Cyas told me about him, and I sat outside his door forcing conversation, we had been best friends. He was a crucial part of my life, so crucial that even when everything was well, I was _terrified_ of him leaving. I had once told Diadora that losing him would feel like losing an arm or something. Nowadays, I knew it would be the equivalent of something tearing a chunk of my heart out. My heart of hearts. The one that… the one that fell in love with him. As Julius went mad, as Julius fell… even as I struggled for a way to pull Julius out, I had fallen for Conall.

But I still loved Julius. I did. I loved both. And I had… no idea what to do about it, really. There was no one I could talk to about it. Mother? She'd been after me to marry Julius for years, just so that she could be 'the mother of the empress' and have the associated prestige. Father? Much as I respected and loved Mother, Father didn't seem like the best person to ask about romance. Arvis? Similar. And there was definitely no way I could tell my friends. Reinhardt and Cyas both never had a crush in their lives, Ishtore had only ever loved Liza, and Tine… well, Tine might be a good idea, but I didn't want to force her to carry my worries. She had enough to worry about on her own. And I was the older one. I liked pretending I could protect her.

I wished Diadora was still alive. I knew I could've talked to her. She might not have understood, but she would've listened and done her best. I wished Alicia was still alive, because when I was little, no matter what, I knew I could've just run to her and crawl into her lap and she'd hold me in a hug that was always warm, no matter how weak or thin she got. As it was, the only 'advice' I could think of was… well, if things were 'normal', then it would be something like 'think about the two and decide which one you love more'. But I couldn't do that. It was… it was too dangerous. Julius had changed so much. If I said I loved someone else more, he could… he might actually...

"You okay?" Conall asked, sitting beside me now, apparently done with brushing my hair. He brushed a thumb over my cheek, and I realized I was crying. "Hey, it's going to be okay. We'll find a way. Am I not the most stubborn person in all of Jugdral?"

"You really are," I teased, voice wobbling. The tears kept coming, though. "I'm just…"

"I know." He gathered me in his arms and gently rocked me as I cried into his chest. "We'll… we'll figure something out, Ishtar."

"I hope so." And I leaned into him, clinging, desperate for the warmth. Because Conall was always warm. Conall was always kind and warm. With everything slowly drowning in darkness, he'd become my sun, the one bit of light in Belhalla. Standing there at the threshold between the light and the dark, not crossing into the darkness, but reaching out to help anyone who wanted to leave. Reaching out to anchor those in the dark so that they didn't fall too far.

I held onto that 'hand' with everything I had, but I knew the grip would slip eventually. I knew because this was not a war where one could remain 'in between' for long. And I held onto Julius with my other 'hand'. I clung to him, just as I clung to my duties, to my family. All of them so very important to me, even more than my own heart. But I knew my grip would slip. I knew it would become too much to hold onto all of them. I was slowly accepting that I might not be strong enough to pull them out with me. And I hated it. I hated it, because I loved all of them so much.

Let myself fall into the darkness with everyone or let myself be pulled into the light alone… either way, my heart would scream. My heart would shatter. And I didn't know which would hurt more. I didn't know which I would regret more. All I could do was desperately search for a third option, even knowing that there was none here. Manfroy had stolen that away from us. Manfroy had stolen just about everything, so that he could get revenge. His own selfish revenge...

So, I cried. I cried, and Conall held me, singing Isaachian lullabies and running his hand through my hair to soothe me. And I told myself that I'd think about my choices another day, knowing that I was lying. I would run away from that choice until it was right on me. Or until I died, because at least then, things wouldn't hurt so much. But that would be too easy of a way out. I couldn't just abandon my duty like that. Regardless of how much I hurt, I was Ishtar, heir to Thrud, the Goddess of Thunder. I had a reputation to uphold, a duty to fulfill. Even if I was screaming because of everything, from the war to the simple trouble of loving two people at the same time.

Damn Manfroy for this. I hoped his last moments were spent in agony, whenever it came. I really, truly did.

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's note: 'Update whenever', I said, forgetting how quickly plot bunnies hop about in my head. I'd meant for the second chapter of this to be something completely different, but this wouldn't leave me alone, so here, have Ishtar. While Ishtar shown to be conflicted in game, her Heroes dialogue really highlights said conflict, so I wanted to explore that a bit, and also her thoughts and feelings for both Julius and Conall. (For emphasis, just like in canon, she is in love with Julius. She is simply also in love with Conall, but not in a safe place to actually think about the feelings.)
> 
> Ah, but something to note. Because this will supplement _Memoirs of the Holy War_ , there will be things/POVs that I avoid for a while because they involve spoilers for that story that I do want to keep close for a while longer. Chief among these? Lewyn. As a result, Lewyn, and Erinys, will not have a POV in this collection for a LONG while. (Well, Erinys might get one that's sooner, but that's a big maybe, because of the tie to Lewyn.)


	3. Lene - Gran 778

Lene - Gran 778

* * *

You would think, after so long, I'd be used to using the window as a mirror for my makeup. And, for the most part, you'd be right. The problem was that this window often had the sun glaring through, so too many times, I'd end up ruining something because I happened to look directly into the sun and freaking _ow_ …

"Ugh… why does the sun have to be so bright anyway?" I grumbled to myself after my eyes stopped watering, checking my reflection to see if things were salvageable. Thankfully, it was, which was good. We were running low, especially on eye makeup, but needed another job or two before we could afford more. "Give me night and glorious moonlight. It's cooler anyway. Literally." Darna wasn't 'in' the desert, technically. It was just desert-adjacent and subjected to the same temperature extremes, meaning the only thing important about that 'adjacent' thing was that we had roads and a bit less sand. "Ugh…"

"Hey, Lene, what color should I go with?" Layla's reflection appeared in the window, standing in nothing but her underwear, holding two tops: one orange and one white. "And which one are you…?" she began, before smiling ruefully. I saw it in the window. "You're already almost ready, aren't you?"

"Clothes take me a small amount of time, but remember how long it takes me to decide jewelry and makeup!" I winked at her over my shoulder before finishing up. A touch more rouge should do it… "We're dancing for Brams today, right?"

"You really shouldn't call him that." Layla gave me a stern look, and I looked around pointedly before smiling innocently at her. We were in our little apartment somewhere between the 'well-off district' and the 'slums' of Darna. Perfectly safe from our 'ruling lord', the merchant who made a great show of how well his lips fit the Empire's ass. Then parading about like he was the gods' gift to humanity when they were looking away. "Ah, one of these days, you're going to mock him or something and get into trouble. And worse."

"Look, I hate dancing for him, and people like him. Let me have _some_ fun to vent the frustration." Sadly though, Bramsel was the one who paid the most when it came to dancing, because he had the money to throw around. And we got half of it up front. No one else had that little 'deal'. No one else could afford it. "Whatever. Are we?"

"Yes."

"Then orange. It works best for the area." It was why I was dressed in pink, after all. "And we _have_ to look our best for his stuff."

"And we have to be careful. More than usual." Layla grimaced. "Based on the rumors, he's hired a new mercenary group."

"Seriously? _Another_ one? Who the hell does he expect to fight?" No one in their right mind fought the Empire. The insane ones that tried anyway just got themselves killed. Or worse. There was always worse. Bramsel had chained a few to some rocks just as the sun reached its highest point once. I heard their deaths had been painful. "Ugh… more creepy men leering. Gods, why do they think it's a compliment?"

"I don't know." She sighed, and I frowned. She was fretting more than usual. "It's a powerful mercenary group as well."

"So, even more entitled than usual?"

"More than likely. It's Javarro's group." She hugged herself, and I winced. A dancer heard lots of rumors, and if the rumors had a grain of truth, then Javarro's mercenary group was the best outside of Thracia. "And it's the whole group. Including their strongest. The Black Knight."

"Oh." That… that was… um… "That's the one they say is a god of war given mortal form, right? Invincible in battle?"

"They say he has taken on entire armies alone, and come out without a single scratch. He's the most expensive mercenary outside of King Travant in Thracia, and if the rumors are even half true, he's worth the money."

"And he's here." That was just great. Not only a group of entitled bastards who grabbed what they wanted when they wanted, but their _strongest_ was probably the cockiest. And the hardest to get away from. Damn it. "How much are we getting paid again?"

"We got 200 gold up front. More afterwards."

"Oh. Right." And that 200 alone would buy us food for a couple of weeks, more if we were thrifty. "That'll keep us going for a while. And hey, maybe when we take out what we save, we can buy a proper mirror!" Not likely. Mirrors were _expensive_.

"Maybe." Still, Layla laughed, accepting the joke for what it was. "You go get your potential accessories while I change, and then we'll finish getting ready."

"Sounds good~!" I giggled and waved as she left, and smiled softly before returning to the window to finish with my makeup.

Things had been like this for a couple of years now. Layla and I had stuck together ever since we were the two weird orphan girls in the church, and discovered we had the Dancer's Gift or whatever the technical term was called. It was a good thing, whatever it was, because it let us get good money through our dancing. Not that we were automatically better than others at it, of course. We still had to practice and take care of ourselves. But our dancing gave people energy, and energetic people were more likely to spend money. A good thing too. The other dancers Layla and I knew often had to supplement their income with prostitution in order to make ends meet. Layla and I tried to help where we could, but even our Gifts didn't solve everything. It just let us not do something we, personally, weren't comfortable with. And that was part of why I took it up as well. To make sure Layla didn't have to. Because _she_ , being a year older than me, had started dancing to provide for both of us when we got too old to stay at the church and it was rough getting enough money for two people to eat.

Finished with my makeup, I headed over to the small chest where we stored our scarves, set up by the sword I had, with a gold-pendant necklace looped around the hilt. A sword and a pendant. That was all I had of my family. I barely remembered them now. Just a vague memory of a woman who danced, with green hair like mine. A man with long blonde hair and a gentle smile and always smelled like the incense at the church. A little baby boy with a bright laugh who I loved holding because he'd been squishy and warm. All happy. At least, that's what I thought. My memory said we had been happy. My memory said things had been fine. But then I'd been left behind. My mom dropped me off at the church with a sword, a necklace, and far too many questions and then she just disappeared into the wind. Didn't even know what happened to my dad or that little boy that was probably a sibling. Where were they? What happened? Why had I been abandoned? Was it me? Had I done something wrong? Said something wrong? What did I do?

Another reason I took up dancing was because I hoped that I could find those answers. That I would at least find my mom. A fool's hope, through and through, but I had dreamed that maybe, just maybe, if I was good enough, she'd come looking for the 'rival dancer' and I could see her again. But, of course, there was nothing. When people left, they never came back.

If not for Layla, I'd be completely alone. It's a feeling I should be used to, but I _hated_ it. But I guess I had to get used to it. Because who would stay with someone even her own parents discarded, right? Someone like me… someone like me was pretty worthless.

* * *

With Layla's help, I got my jewelry in order before long, and after some quick checks on each other's makeup and outfits, we made our way to Bramsel's castle with plenty of time to spare. Unfortunately, that meant having to suffer through listening to Bramsel's thinly-veiled 'compliments', which I ignored (to avoid snapping and giving Bramsel a perfect excuse to throw me in the dungeons and at his mercy) and Layla endured with a smile (because she was a far better actress than me). But eventually, it came time to perform for the various mercenaries that made up Darna's 'army' and as soon as the music started, I focused solely on performing. A dancer's job, after all, was to help people forget about their sorrows for a time, and simply relax and enjoy the moment. You couldn't do that when you were angry or feeling icky. You'd make your audience feel the same.

After the show, I lingered off to the side while Layla got the rest of the payment from Bramsel, trying to not wrinkle my nose at the smell. The smell of sweat and stale alcohol was as nauseating as it was familiar. Much as I liked dancing, this part of the job was the absolute worst. But, well, a job was a job. Money was money. Didn't matter if you were a knight, a merchant, or a dancer. People did what they had to do to survive. But I did wish these mercenaries would bathe a little more or something. I had no idea how they handled their own stink.

"Ah, there you are, pretty one." And now I had to deal with a drunkard. Terrific. My day was made. "You look like you could use a good time," he continued, practically reeking with alcohol. I made myself count to ten to keep calm and not retort. Harsh words might get me a fight, and I'd lose that in a heartbeat. "What do you say?"

"I think I'd rather stand outside during a sandstorm," I snapped, not able to calm my temper in time. Sadly, I was never one to just endure, and my temper often made my words move way faster than my sense. "Now leave me alone."

"Bitch, don't be so haughty!" His voice dropped to a growl and he brought his arm back, no doubt readying a punch. I glanced around, trying to figure out a good direction to dodge. Or if Layla was done and I had an easy escape, but she and Bramsel were talking longer than usual apparently because she was nowhere near. "I oughta…!"

"Take a bath and maybe do something about your breath?" I was already far too tired of this. I _hated_ dancing for people like this. "You reek."

"You…!" He swung and I dodged, skipping away. Unfortunately, he recovered quickly, and prepared to punch me again. "Bitch, you'll regret this!" He swung again…

And then someone caught his arm, mid-swing. Just reached out and stopped it, like picking up a stone. "She told you to leave her alone, so I believe you should take your attention elsewhere," the someone murmured with a perfectly even tone. He was a very handsome man, with gold hair and matching eyes, and not even the stoic-stern expression on his face marred that impression. He was also a complete weirdo or something because few cared about women being harrassed, less cared when it was a dancer, and even less actually intervened. "Think there was a maid that was trying to catch your eye." He stepped in front of me protectively, holding the man's attention fully. "Why not see if she's still receptive?"

"Ares, are you trying to steal her for yourself?" the drunkard growled. He tried to jerk out of the man's grip, but failed miserably. Which was strange and impressive because while the someone wasn't exactly small, the drunkard appeared more muscled. "I saw her first."

"Ignoring the childishness of the sentence, and the implication that she is a toy and not a person, everyone saw her at the same time when she and her friend came out to dance." The someone rolled his eyes. I noticed that he didn't smell of alcohol, hinting he hadn't had much, if any at all. Which was weird for a mercenary at Bramsel's. Bramsel liked indulging, and mercenaries typically jumped all over that. "You definitely had too much. Come on. Let's get you set up so that you don't choke on your own vomit. Again."

"Don't get cocky with me!" The drunkard swung wildly for the someone's head, but the someone blocked the blow easily and twisted so that the drunkard landed hard on the ground. Facefirst. And hard enough to make some dust puff up. "Ugh…"

"Might've put a bit too much in that one." The someone knelt down and rolled the drunkard over, proving him to be unconscious. With one hit to the ground. I didn't even know that was possible. "Yeah, I did. Healers are going to have fun with this one." The someone sighed and scooped up the drunkard, slinging him over his shoulder like a sack of squashes. Again, far more easily than I would've thought given their relative sizes. "My apologies for his behavior, miss."

"I'm used to it," I replied, crossing my arms. What I wasn't used to was someone like this. He focused entirely on my face, despite my clothes emphasizing my breasts and hips. And the crossing arms drawing attention to the former. "Still, thank you. It's annoying fighting back without fighting."

"I can imagine," he murmured. Then he smiled faintly. Just faintly. But it was enough to warm his expression, and he was _really_ handsome. Way better than I was used to seeing, that was for sure. "Your dance was very lovely."

"Thank you~!" Handsome? Nice? Polite? Either he was unreal or he was fishing for sex. Had to be. "Nice to hear that from a big strong warrior~!" A bit of flirting, just to see. Normally, they'd jump on it, thinking they'd 'won'.

But not this man. "I think your dancing is infinitely harder than my fighting." He barely seemed to notice at all, more focused on the unconscious man on his shoulder. "I need to get him to a healer, and it looks like your friend is trying to get your attention."

"Oh?" I glanced to the side and saw Layla trying to catch my eye from the hallway. She smiled as soon as she saw me looking and gestured for me to join her. "Ah, seems so. Thanks again~!" I winked and skipped over to Layla, keeping an eye on the man. But he didn't pay any attention to my leaving. Instead, he just left himself, carrying the drunkard easily. Weird... most would at least look at my ass as I left.

Layla caught my hand as soon as I made it to her, and we quickly got our cloaks and made our escape before someone else decided to try and 'win' us into their beds. Why they thought the drunken slurring and leers were in any way attractive, I had _no_ idea. I thought it was just the confidence that drinking copious amount of alcohol brought. And a sense of entitlement.

"So, who was the blonde haired one?" Layla asked me quietly once we were a good distance away. Safe to talk, and safe to relax. Barely. So long as we kept to the main street. "The one who helped you?"

"No idea," I replied, shrugging. And then pulled my cloak more around me to lessen the chances of someone thinking I was looking for something. "I think I heard the other one call him 'Ares', but that's about it." An unusual name for an unusual man. Fitting. "Complete weirdo, but I think he's trying the nice-guy-tactic."

"Been a while since someone tried that one on us." Layla smiled warmly at a prostitute lingering on a corner. She smiled back and waved, a quiet reassurance of 'things are safe'. Something common among the girls who had to walk about at night. I made sure to wink and mouth 'you look amazing' at her. Which, you know, she did, especially when she smiled. And she smiled at the compliment. "We'll have to be careful."

"Yeah, we will. _Especially_ you." I bumped my hip against hers, smiling like we were just joking around. "You're super charming, after all."

"I think people just like that I'm curvy." Layla laughed like it was a joke as well. But, sadly, her good looks had always brought trouble. The scariest had been those Loptyr priest people. Though the Child Hunts had only been 'legal' for three years, Darna had been losing children to them long before that due to how close it was to the Yied Shrine. I still didn't know how I got them to let go of Layla when they caught her. Or how I survived that spell of theirs, really, though they probably held back to not hurt Layla. I'd been shielding her. "But there's another reason."

"Oh?" I peered at her face worriedly. "You were talking with Bramsel for a while. Everyone okay?"

"Yes, it's just…" She sighed, slumping. That rarely meant good things. "Bramsel wants to hire us on a nightly basis. To keep the mercenaries in good humor."

" _Nightly_?" Oh, I could feel my feet aching already. I might have a good amount of stamina, but still… "Seriously?"

"Supposedly, there's less fights on the nights where we dance, and given that there's even more…" She shrugged, not quite looking at me. Talking around something. "He'll also pay us more for each dance."

"Really?" I frowned. "And what else?" I bumped my hip against hers again. "Might as well get it over with and tell me."

"Right…" She sighed and hugged herself. "He's offered to let us live in the castle, so that we're not constantly walking back and forth."

"Uh-huh. And then he and his get easy access to the weak and helpless dancers at all hours." I rolled my eyes and scoffed. "So easy to see through."

"He is, though I do think he'd wait a while for us to let down our guard." Layla smiled faintly, awkwardly. "And it's shelter. And food. And we're still being paid."

"That… damn, that is quite the offer." I bit my lip, thinking. On the one hand, not really open to upping our risk of assault and rape. On the other hand, that was shelter, food, and more money for us to spend on things for our craft. And medicines. "Did you already accept?"

"I told him that I was overwhelmed by his generosity and had to have some time to process it all." Layla was always good at being evasive. I shouldn't have worried. "I'm supposed to give him an answer when we're next scheduled."

"That's in two days, right?" I smiled and linked my arm around hers. "In that case, we'll shelve it for now, and we'll discuss it tomorrow after some food. There's good and bad to it." Just like everything else in the world.

"Yes, there is." She rested her head against mine briefly before we turned into the little alley and up into our building. Most were asleep, but a few were awake still. They smiled and nodded at us, and Layla quietly passed them a couple of coins, as a silent 'thanks' for keeping an eye out for us. We must've gotten a bit of a bonus, probably to tempt us further. "We'll organize the money in the morning. I'm tired."

"Sounds good." I found the key to our place amidst our stuff and opened the door. "Should we skip the nightly-?"

"No." Layla's response was so immediate that I had to laugh. "I can't, at least. You know how my skin dries out so fast."

"Right, right." And I'd stay up with her. She had to put up with me, after all. The least that I could do. "Things are going to be interesting, huh?" I just hoped Layla and I got through it in one piece.

* * *

We spent the whole day spiritedly debating before ultimately deciding to take up the offer. The lure of 'free' shelter and food was too great. And so, over the next few weeks, Layla and I moved into the castle, refusing the offer of separate rooms. It was simply safer for us. People were less likely to go after a group, and between the two of us we had more of a chance of subduing someone. Sort of. We were both dancers, not fighters, and while we had a great deal of stamina, more me than her, that didn't automatically translate to fighting prowess.

"I think that's the last of it," I commented, smiling proudly at the room. It was larger than our entire apartment and it had its own bathroom instead of one shared with the floor. Plus there were all these blankets and soft pillows. And rugs and curtains. "Wow, this might not be too bad."

"Until they start 'poaching'," Layla sighed. Still, she smiled too, braiding her hair over her shoulder. When she wasn't dancing, Layla's hair was always down or in a loose braid. I tended to wear mine in a ponytail no matter what. "Well, we should let Bramsel know that we're officially moved in. Should we change?"

"I don't see a point. We're not working, so why change into our work clothes?" That was a distinction Layla and I always did. 'On the job' clothing was different from 'off the job'. Simple dresses that had been carefully mended over the years so that they'd last longer. Most of our money went to replacing what we wore and used for dancing. A dancer had a duty to look their best, because it was a dancer's job to help people forget about their worries. Rags would make people remember the sad things. "Besides, you look so cute in that~!"

"You always say that." Layla laughed, amused. Personally, I thought the simple dresses suited her more than a dancer's outfit. Well, it suited her 'real' personality, not the more flirtatious one she pretended to have when she was dancing. "Silly."

"Well, that's because it's _always_ true." I pretended to be offended, crossed arms and scowl and all. "Hmph."

"Silly, silly." She still laughed, though. "You know; since we're not worried about shelter, it might be fun to see if there's a person you'd like enough to date."

"You think there's someone halfway decent in _this_ place?" I couldn't help the dry tone. I really couldn't. I also couldn't believe she'd bring that up at all. I hadn't thought about dating in years. "Really?"

"There's a chance." She giggled, smiling. "Small chance, but a chance. And there's quite a few people here. If you want a guy, the chances are smaller since most of the males here are the mercenaries, but the servants are mostly women and most of them are _adorable_ , so you have good chances there as well."

"You seriously scouted the place out?" I facepalmed and she laughed. "Seriously? Layla, aren't you asexual?"

"I am. But that doesn't mean I don't have eyes and can't appreciate when someone is beautiful." She continued giggling. I just rolled my eyes, and tried to not feel sad. When we were younger, she'd sketch a lot to capture the 'beauty' in people and was really good. But she stopped because dancing was more lucrative and we couldn't afford for her to continue even as a hobby. "I am just having a bit of fun, Lene. You know I won't force anything."

"Yeah, I know." I also knew that she also loved every excuse to tease me, and past crushes had made me dopey enough that she had a lot of fun. "Certainly not expecting anything in this rathole." Nice and luxurious rathole, but still, when the place was ruled by a rat, the rest couldn't be much better. "Speaking of which."

"Right, to Bramsel." She covered her mouth and glanced around worriedly, even though we were in our own room. "We have to be more careful. People can easily listen."

"Right…" That was going to be hard. I hated censuring myself so much. But that was just the way things were now. A price to make it easier to survive. "Let's go then."

Layla and I found a maid willing to show us to Bramsel's 'study', and Layla was right, this place did have a lot of cute women as servants. While I appreciated the beauty and all, that did make my stomach knot from implications. And, worse, I knew there would be no safe way to ask about it. So, I just made myself smile like there was nothing creepy about it. I had to hold Layla's hand to make sure of it, though, and she squeezed back reassuringly. We only let go when we were actually at the study, and that was more because I wanted my hands free. _Just_ in case.

"Ah, have you settled in?" Bramsel greeted us with all the warmth of a muggy day, a slight disappointment in his eyes when he noticed we weren't in our dancer-garb. I glanced around the room, noticing the excess of curtains and rugs, as well as fancy pieces of art. I wished they were tacky, but they were actually really pretty. Bramsel had a good eye for things, being a merchant. "Any complaints?"

"No, the room is wonderful," Layla reassured, smiling warmly. I focused on Brams and noticed there were two others in the room, an older man and the man who had helped me. Though, right now, his expression was stoic, locked up, with a hint of a scowl. I thought about smiling, but he didn't even seem to notice me. "We apologize for interrupting, but we did want to let you know we moved the last of our things."

"No, no, it's perfectly fine." Bramsel's smile was smug and irritating. "In fact, we should do introductions. Girls, this is Javarro, and his successor, Ares." I'd been right on the name, then. Successor, though? To a well-known mercenary group? He was _definitely_ pulling the nice-guy-tactic on me last time.

"A pleasure to meet such beautiful girls," Javarro replied, voice polite enough, but there was something about him that made my stomach turned. Still, Layla and I both smiled and pretended to be shy. Because nothing was better than strange old men telling you that you were pretty. "My men have been eagerly awaiting your next dance."

"That'll be tomorrow night, I believe?" Layla said, glancing at Bramsel. Bramsel nodded, confirming that had been the agreement. _Only_ good thing about him was that he did actually uphold agreements. He was manipulative, conniving, and would uphold it in the most technical of terms, but he'd uphold it. Carryover from being a merchant. "I hope they enjoy the show as much as they have the previous ones." She smiled kindly. "But, regardless of your kindness, we are aware we're interrupting, so we'll leave. We simply wanted to let Bramsel know how much we appreciate this opportunity."

"Beautiful and polite. Rare traits." Javarro laughed like that was a joke. Again, my skin crawled and I made a mental note to avoid him. It was probably wrong to judge him so quickly, but when my instincts screamed like this… well, last time, the guy turned out to be a serial killer. That had been a fun few months. "Until later."

"Of course."

Layla did wait until Bramsel nodded before we left, since we were employed by _him_ , not Javarro, but we made sure to get away as soon as we could. Layla decided to head straight back to the room, but I decided to 'explore'. Really, just making sure no one was following. So, I lingered back for a while, keeping an eye on the surroundings while also checking my makeup in the window. Mostly my eye makeup because it could get tricky and if things were off, it was going right in your eye.

"What are you doing?" And that's when Ares appeared. While I was making silly faces trying to make sure nothing was going to irritate my eyes. Great way to make impressions. "Do you need to go to the infirmary?" he asked quietly, stepping a bit closer. He seemed intent on keeping some distance between us, though. "Did you forget something in the room?"

"I'm checking my makeup," I replied, crossing my arms and studying him. While he was still stoic, there was something softer about it now. "Making sure there were no awkward smears or anything."

"In the window?" He looked at the window for emphasis, frowning. "Really?"

"Windows reflect, you know. And tend to remain more stationary than a bowl of water."

"So do mirrors."

"Mirrors are expensive." I scowled, irritated at that little reminder, and I scowled more when he seemed surprised by that. "I thought mercenaries were money conscious enough to know that."

"I never looked into buying a mirror."

"Really?" I decided to widen my eyes and put on my best innocent expression. "What do you use to make sure you don't gouge yourself when you shave?"

"I said I never _bought_ a mirror. Not that I don't have one." His tone became distinctly dry, though his expression barely changed. "Javarro gifted me one."

"Ah." And now came the awkwardness of not realizing the obvious. So, I changed the subject, for my own dignity. "So, what were you doing in big boss man's study?"

"Bramsel?" He pointed to the door and I nodded. "It was just a job. Getting rid of some 'bandits'." He said the words with a slight grimace. Like he knew there was a chance that they weren't bandits at all. "Something to prove that I can live up to the reputation."

"Reputation?"

"People like to talk." He shrugged, apparently uncaring. I wondered what it could be before deciding it had to be just the group's reputation in general. He did seem rather young. Early twenties at the oldest. "Do you need an escort back to your room?"

"No, I'll be fine." Like _hell_ I was going to let him know where Layla and I slept! I had no idea what he wanted! "Thank you, though!"

I skipped off, heading the completely wrong direction to head back to the room, and I glanced back after a moment to see if he was watching, like most did. Strangely, he'd already left, and that just… argh, I did _not_ get him! But my instincts weren't screaming at me, like they did with Bramsel and Javarro. So, maybe… nah, it was probably just him being the more 'typical' sort of person. My instincts stopped warning me about _them_ long ago.

* * *

Living in the castle was an odd experience, one I never experienced before. Not having to worry about food, or even worry about _cooking_ food, gave us more free time than we really know what to do with. Our dances were scheduled just for after dinner, with only the occasional afternoon show, so our days were pretty open. We practiced in the early, early morning, before most were awake, but after? It was often a struggle to figure out what to do. And I quickly discovered that I _hated_ being bored.

"Layla, you haven't drowned or something in there, have you?" I asked absently, sitting on the bed and tending to the injuries on my feet. As always, they were healing quicker than expected. I'd always been a fast healer. When I was little, I joked that my pendant had healing magic in it, but it was something that happened with or without the pendant. "You stopped singing."

"I'm running out of songs!" Layla laughed, voice echoing a bit from the bathroom. It was accompanied by the splashing of water, because she was lounging in the bath. Hoping the warm water would help with her aching feet. Dancing nightly was certainly a test of endurance. "And I'm a bit thirsty."

"You're literally sitting in water."

"I'm not drinking my bath water!" There was more splashing, accompanied by her laugh. "How are your feet?"

"They're just fine." I finished with the bandaging, and let my fingers linger on my right leg. When I was little, I swore that there had been a pale white mark, twisting up from the bottom of my foot all the way to my hip. It had been pretty, reminding me of a painting or the beauty of a properly tended herb garden. But, it had disappeared, making me wonder if it had been there at all. Or, if it had, it had been some cosmetic thing. Now, it was just my very shapely, but otherwise boring, leg. Though, I did notice something. "Oh, ugh, I missed a spot while shaving again."

"I'll get it later. I'm probably going to need you to help me find the missing patches on my legs." Layla sighed. "We need more lotion, by the way."

"I'll add it to the list." Though, given our free time, I could probably start making them again. I'd made Layla's makeup and lotions and the like when she first started dancing, but when I took it up too, there had been no time. I could probably start making medicines again too. There was something so soothing about it. Like I was wrapped in a warm hug. "Say, Layla, if I started making perfumes again, what scent would you-"

"Lily!"

"That was fast." I laughed, though. Definitely was going to take that up again, then. "Let's check the budget and…" And a knock on the door interrupted me. "Expecting anyone?"

"No…" There was a lot of splashing, hinting she was getting out. "Here, I'll-"

"I'm already dressed and dry, you know." I hopped up and opened the door to find a cute maid standing there. Sadly, I didn't know names. I'd asked, but no one had given me it. Like their names were a secret or something. "Hello! Bramsel need us?"

"No, miss, I am simply delivering something," the maid explained, passing me something carefully wrapped. Confused, I hefted it a bit, testing the weight, before unwrapping it slightly. And then I nearly dropped it because it was a mirror. There was a note as well, but it was a mirror. "That's from Master Ares, miss."

"Is it?" I asked, even more confused. It had been days since I'd last seen him. I'd actually forgotten… well, I hadn't forgotten the conversation. I'd forgotten that mirrors had come up, though. I more remembered how aggravating he was. "Is he expecting a reply?"

"I don't think so, miss." The maid clasped her hands in front of her. "He passed it to me as he was leaving for a mission."

"Mission?" It took a minute to remember. "Oh, right, the bandit thing." I frowned when the servant winced. "What? Is it something different?"

"Not necessarily, miss." The maid looked down, and her tone became… something familiar, but I couldn't place it. "Master Ares left to deal with deserters turned bandits, and technically, it is a job for King Bloom. King Bloom has lost quite a few of his own soldiers, trying to deal with them. They're dangerous."

"I see…" I wasn't sure how to feel about that. On the one hand, I didn't really know him. On the other hand, I didn't want him to get hurt. "Well, I'm sure that group would-"

"Sir Ares left alone, Miss Lene." And finally, I recognized the tone. It was the tone people used for people who weren't coming back. "A shame, truly. He's been quite nice to us. Far nicer than his fellows."

"Oh…" Now I really was conflicted. Why would Bramsel send him _alone_? Had that been why Ares had grimaced back then? "Um… thank you for bringing this to me, then."

"Of course, miss." She curtseyed and smiled sadly before leaving. And I shut the door, leaning against it as I tried to think of what I felt. Then, sighing, I sat on the bed and carefully unwrapped the mirror because studying that was a much better use for my time.

I was startled by how absolutely and completely beautiful it was. A hand mirror with a gold backing and silver 'flowers' along the edges of the mirror. And it was a _good_ mirror, reflecting me easily. It didn't look brand new or anything, there was some tarnishing, but it was something someone had carefully tended to, as best as he could. And with it was a simple note: ' _This was just lying about in my things, and I don't use it, so how about you and your friend borrow it? -Ares'._

"He just happened to have something this pretty in his things?" I asked softly, holding it up. And I could only laugh. "What sort of rich nonsense is that?"

"What sort of what is what?" Layla repeated, walking in with one towel wrapped around her and using another to dry her hair. She gasped when she saw what I was holding. "Oh, that's beautiful…" She leaned over my shoulder, jaw dropping when she saw the quality of the mirror. "Why do we have this?"

"Ares, the man who helped me, is letting us borrow it."

"The one with the…?" Layla frowned. "That's a bit much for that tactic."

"I know, right? What does he want?" I had no idea. I… I did want to figure it out, though. It was annoying. It was frustrating. Even as I kept my cheer, I knew how the world worked. Except Ares seemed to fly in the face of that. And that just _aggravated me_. "But yay, mirror! This will help speed things up."

"It will indeed." Layla poked my cheek. "Regardless of his intentions, be sure to thank him?"

"Yeah, yeah. Whenever we see him again." Which honestly might be never. But I didn't want to think about that. "Wait, is that a blemish on my cheek?"

Talks quickly turned to reassuring ourselves that no, our skin was fine, and then we talked of other things, mostly whatever we felt like. My questions about Ares lingered at the back of my head, but I ignored them with ease, because there was a lot of other things to worry about. And the mirror did prove perfectly helpful when it was time to get ready, cutting down on the time for makeup significantly, letting us spend a little more time tending to our feet and ankles. So, by the end of that night's dance, I actually wasn't in as much pain as normal. Layla… sadly, Layla was in pain, so she quickly left the room to get some medicine on her ankle. And I probably should've gone with her, but I lingered. Why? I wanted to see if Ares was back.

"This is so ridiculous," I sighed, keeping to the shadows. I didn't want anyone to accost me again, or whatever the right word was. I was too tired for words. "Even if he _was_ here, it doesn't mean he wants to see me." But, damn it, I wanted to ask about his motives. Letting us borrow a beautiful hand mirror like that? Really? _Really_? "I can't see him, though…" I thought of the maid who was so certain Ares wasn't coming back. "Ah, I'm being an idiot." So, I turned away, intending on sneaking out.

That was when the doors of the 'party chamber', whatever the actual term for the chamber was, opened. And Ares strode in with the most unimpressed, even bored, expression on his face.

Everything about him was different than before. Mostly. He was still handsome, but this time, it was the same way a predator was beautiful in the distance. And it wasn't just his expression that changed things. Outfits could also change people's perceptions, and his proved that all too well. It was pitch-black armor with a dark blade, one that almost seemed bulky but not, on his belt. Blood was smeared across the metal, and bits of his face. Even some bits of his hair, really, mostly the strands by his face and the ends. His stride was perfectly confident, just under 'swaggering', like he earned the right to be this confident and knew it. My eyes, however, went to the bloody bundle tucked under his arm, feeling ill.

"My apologies for the mess, but your servants insisted you wanted to see me as soon as possible," Ares explained, calmly and cooly, walking right up to Bramsel in the decorative chair in the back. Javarro sat next to him, a place of honor, and Javarro simply smirked, smug. "I had planned on cleaning up a bit more first."

"Nonsense! There's no need to do their jobs for them!" Bramsel laughed. His eyes glinted greedily, and his smile was a twisted facsimile of a child's at a sweet stall. "So?"

"You said you wanted just the leader's head, right?" Ares passed over the bundle and I tried not to gag. I'd been right. I hated being right. "All those who were there are dead as well. You can send people to check, if you want."

"Oh?" Bramsel unwrapped the bundle, and I had to look away as he laughed again, brandishing the severed head like it was some sort of trophy or jewel. "It seems your reputation actually downplayed your abilities, Black Knight! This man killed some of King Bloom's finest soldiers, and you dealt with them in a day!" Bramsel laughed like a child with a new toy. I was reeling because _Ares_ was the Black Knight? Really? Based on the reputation, I would've thought… I don't know. There was just something shocking about it. "Well worth the money! _Well_ worth!"

"I told you that we charge what we're worth, no more and no less," Javarro chuckled, standing He rested a hand on Ares's head, smiling slightly. That smile irritated me, though. It seemed proud, but I swore there was something fake to it. Ares didn't react, though, so maybe I was wrong. "We charge a pretty copper for Ares, but he gets the job done."

"Indeed, indeed!" Bramsel continued to laugh. He was actually _playing_ with the head, moving the mouth like a puppet, bloated tongue lolling out. I had to look away again. "Some wine for our conquering hero!"

"Over here, Ares. Have at least one glass."

I stayed in the shadows, watching the three of them share a drink. Ares's expression didn't so much as budge, and it seemed like to me that he took the first excuse to escape, though that could've just been wishful thinking. I'd talked to this guy. This guy saved me from a troublesome situation. He was letting me borrow a super pretty, super expensive mirror. And I had to go thank him. And boy, I was ready to just go 'nope' and hide, because of all of that, but no, I had to be stubborn and follow him out. After a moment. I didn't want to be _seen_ following him, after all.

The hallways were so much quieter compared to the rest, and I tiptoed through to not break the silence, hoping I could catch up to Ares. Not that it mattered. Keeping quiet, I mean. Because, before long, there was a loud 'thud', the sound of someone punching something, and I soon came upon Ares, who had apparently slammed the side of his fist against the wall. And there was… there was a noticeable dent in the wall from the impact. With little cracks spiralling out as well. How strong _was_ this guy?!

"I'll have to fix that," Ares sighed, speaking to no one. He growled in frustration and ran his hand through his hair, grimacing. "Who the hell plays with a decapitated head? Bad enough I had to bring it back. Show some respect for the dead, damn it. Not like you fought him." He grumbled a bit more under his breath, and I felt somewhat comforted, for some reason. He hadn't liked it. It was just part of the job. Same as me. "Whoever is behind me, you have two seconds to reassure me you're not an enemy."

"I think I'd make a poor enemy," I replied instantly, keeping my tone cheerful. He turned to face me, expressionless. "So, uh… hiya?" I waved a bit awkwardly, skipping up. He continued being perfectly stoic. "What? Not used to pretty girls following you?"

"No? Why would they?" He frowned slightly, and I tried to not roll my eyes. There was no way he didn't know how handsome he was. No way. He had mirrors. "Did you need something?"

"Oh, I just wanted to thank you for the mirror. It's super pretty and nice, and it made things easier for Layla and me." I clasped my hands behind my back and smiled up at him, noticing he was a lot taller than me. The top of my head barely reached his chin. Maybe. "It was seriously just with your things, though?"

"Yes?" He kept on frowning. "Is that so weird?"

"It's super pretty. Not really a thing a mercenary would carry around. Or buy for a boy to use for shaving."

"It was my mother's."

"Oh, I…" Definitely took a second to process that. "Your mother's?!"

"Is it that surprising I had a mother?" His tone was perfectly dry. "No matter what the rumors say, I didn't spawn from a corpse or from blood and shadows."

"Well, no, that's not…" I didn't get him. This was annoying! "What do you want?"

"Pardon?"

"Look, you have been rather nice, you're being very polite, and you lent me your presumably-dead-mother's mirror…" I scowled. "So, what is it? This is a bit much for the nice-guy-tactic, you know?"

"The… what tactic?" He gave me a weird look. "Is it so strange?"

"Yes! Because no stranger does that for someone without wanting something from them!" I pointed at his face angrily. And, distantly, thought we probably a hilarious picture, with tiny me yelling at bloody him. "So? What is it? Sex? Normally, it's sex. And, well, you are rather hot, when you're not covered in blood, but-"

"Pardon?" If I weren't so aggravated, the fact that I'd knocked him so off-guard with such simple bluntness would've been hilarious. "That didn't even cross my mind!"

"Really? Am I not pretty enough?" I snapped my fingers, getting it now. "Oh, wait, you must be after _Layla_. She's charming, and-"

"Still wrong."

"Seriously?" Annoying! "Okay, then what is it?"

"Must there be something?"

"Yes! Because that's how the world works!" I glared, no longer caring about anything but getting this answer. "So?"

"You ever meet a terrier? You have a lot in common." Ares sighed and rolled his eyes. "Fine, fine, something. Your dance."

"You want me to dance?" Special dance? Could handle that, but...

"No, that's not…" Again, he sighed. "Your dance was lovely. And it reminded me of happier times." He leaned down slightly, to better look me in the eyes. His eyes were _very_ gold, I noticed. And, damn him, he was even more handsome up-close. "So, by your logic, I'm repaying you. Not the other way around." He straightened and turned away. I just stared, startled by his answer. "Regardless, I need a bath. Dried blood itches. So, miss, if you don't mind-"

"Lene." I crossed my arms and waited for him to turn back to me. "My name is Lene. My friend is named Layla. And you're Ares, right?"

"Yes, I'm Ares, the dreaded Black Knight." He said the words dryly, like he didn't care for any of it, but bowed rather respectfully. "A pleasure to make your acquaintance, Lene."

"...Nice to meet you too, Ares."

He left, and I watched, still just… confused. He might have made a point, but no one had been nice because of my dancing before. If anything, they just wanted more from me because of it. So, that wasn't… a proper answer. It wasn't. But… ugh, he was the most aggravating person ever! I was going to bug him just as much to get even!

* * *

"Ah, what wonderful fresh air!" I breathed, giggling as we walked through the market. Next to me, Ares simply rolled his eyes and shifted the basket of purchases higher on his arm. "And you were just going to stay inside and waste such a beautiful day!"

"The day looks exactly like all the others," Ares retorted dryly. He shrugged off my playful scowl. "Pretty rare we get rain or anything besides 'hot as hell'."

"Well, you were already waiting to leave."

"You have been very consistent in dragging me outside these past few months."

"Mmm, true." I giggled, though, and his face softened with a smile. I had taken to dragging him outside to help me with my shopping, and it started because of my plan to bother him to get even. Now, it was habit, and more than a little fun. Layla thought I was insane, doing this, but I felt like I was winning. Or something. "Soooo…"

"Is it time for your daily random questions?"

"It's your fault for casually mentioning that job of yours that ended with a bunch of you dressed up as tree spirits." I had to laugh, just at the mental image. Ares had apparently not been one of the unfortunate few, but he'd had to watch. "And… oh, that necklace would be so pretty on Layla…" I paused at a stall and studied the necklace closely. It wasn't too long, so it wouldn't get in the way of her dancing or awkwardly get caught between her boobs, and it would add a bit more color to her favorite dancing outfit. "Price… yeah, I can get that." I noticed a necklace I rather liked, but getting both would be too much, so… "Shopkeeper! I'd like this one, please!"

"Why do you buy so much jewelry again?" Ares nodded to the shopkeeper and held up the basket so that I could just drop the necklace in. "I know you explained it to me before, but…"

"A dancer has to constantly update their outfit to continue bringing color to the audience. A difference in outfit makes it seem like the dance is different, even when it's the same sequences of movements." I smiled at the shopkeeper and continued on with a skip. It kept me from feeling annoyed because the nightly dances meant a good chunk of our extra money was spent on that. "It's the same audience and same venue, so something has to change, or it gets boring." And a boring dancer got fired.

"I find it hard to believe any of your dances would be 'boring', but I yield to the expert." He offered me his hand and I took it automatically, knowing he was helping me around something. A spill, from the brief look I got. "You had a question."

"I did!" I giggled, grinning at him. I rather liked that he didn't try to argue with me, even when he was confused or didn't agree. I also liked how he complimented my dancing. "It's… oh, the bards are out today." I paused to listen a bit, curious. I recognized it instantly. "Ah, the Fall of the Lionheart. It's such a sad song." And ever since the Empire showed its true colors, it became a popular one. The dashing knight who saw the Empire's corruption and fell trying to combat it… a perfect tragedy.

"It is." Ares's words were surprisingly terse and tight, and his expression was perfectly stony when I looked up at him. "Question?"

"Yes, what do you… oh, wait, _my_ question, right." I focused on him again and we continued through the market, leaving the bards behind. "It's probably an obvious one, but why are you called the 'Black Knight'?"

"My best guess is the black armor I wear, but I honestly don't know." He shrugged, and seemed to relax as we got further from the bards. Guess he didn't like that song. "I'm not the one who picked it. Someone just started calling me that randomly after some battle, and then suddenly, everyone was."

"I see…" Tad disappointing, but that made sense. Ares tended to go with the flow a lot, probably because a mercenary had to be adaptable. "Do you like it?"

"It's useful for keeping idiots from picking fights." He stepped away briefly to catch a little girl's doll just as she dropped it. She reclaimed it with a smile and a laugh, and he ruffled her hair before returning to my side. "Otherwise, I'm mostly apathetic towards it. I find it a bit too grand."

"Really?" I wasn't sure why. 'Black Knight' was certainly a dramatic thing, but it was nothing like, say, 'Reaper's Wolf' or 'Goddess of Thunder'. Or those 'Scions of Light' you heard whispers about.

"Hezul was known at the Black Knight."

"Oh, he's one of the Crusaders, right?" I only vaguely remembered the stories, but that was mostly because the stories were vague, nonsensical legend stuff. "Darna is where they received their blessings, right?"

"The Miracle of Darna, occuring in the year Gran 645." He rattled it off easily, and I frowned. The more time I spent with him, the more convinced I was that he was a former noble. Would explain the mirror, among other things. But he also always seemed uncomfortable by the luxuries in the castle. Even more uncomfortable than Layla and me. "Far cry from the abandoned fortress they found."

"I imagine it wasn't so lively back then."

"Armies can be surprisingly lively. I was more talking about the poor condition of the walls." He pointed to a part of the outer wall that was noticeably worn and cracked, even at this distance. I remembered hearing some others complain about how not-protective the wall really was. Bramsel wouldn't maintain it, because that meant he'd have less to spend on wine and food and the like. "That's going to tumble down with a strong wind, much less a good sized force."

"Well, who's going to fight?"

"Reminder that I am a mercenary." He smiled slightly. "I literally get paid to fight the people who do."

"Ah. Right." A couple of pretty ribbons caught my eye, but I'd hit my budget, so I chose to not linger by them. "Well, I suppose we're done, so I guess we can return to the castle."

"Finally."

"Look, if you didn't wear black all the time, you might be better off in Darna's heat."

"But I am the Black Knight." He grinned briefly and I rolled my eyes. "More seriously, black is easier to clean."

"And this is why you folks need so many dances to be cheery." I had no idea how Ares hadn't dropped from heatstroke by this point. "Regardless, to the castle~!"

It didn't take long to return, and Ares passed me my basket before leaving to do whatever mercenaries did during the middle of the day when there wasn't a job. I quickly made my way to my room, bursting in with a laugh and a song. Mostly to make Layla yelped and squeak. It was fun surprising her.

"I have returned, bearing gifts for the illustrious princess of dancing!" I declared dramatically, shutting the door behind me. Despite the tone, I made sure to set out everything carefully on the bed. I wouldn't risk damage at this point. "Do you like my offerings?"

"You are _ridiculous_ ," Layla giggled, looking at everything. Scarves, makeup, things to make more makeup, jewelry… all things to change things up for a dancer's look. "Looks like you found quite a bit."

"There were a few things on sale." I double-checked that I had separated things out between 'hers' and 'mine' and began putting up my things. "And with my trusty bodyguard, it's safe to carry so much at once."

"That _is_ true." Layla continued giggling, and hopefully, she hadn't noticed her pile was bigger than mine. She hated when I did that, but I couldn't help it. If one of us was going to get in trouble for being 'boring', I'd rather it be me. "You've been happier recently."

"That's a change in subject." Still, I knew what she meant. It had been easier to smile during performances, even though the audience was filled with strange, leering men. "Well, Bramsel is still gross, and the nightly thing is tiring, but the money is nice. We don't have to worry as much about pinching coppers."

"All true." Layla smiled mischievously at me. "But I have to wonder if Ares plays a part."

"Ares?" I frowned at her, confused. "You know that I'm just trying to aggravate him, right?"

"So you say." Her smile got a knowing look, and I knew her next words before she even said them. "I, however, wonder if you have a crush."

"On him? No freaking way!" Not in a million years! "Though, I've not been ignoring you for him, have I?"

"Really, Lene?" Layla's expression became perfectly droll. "Lene, we share a room. We share the bed. We literally talk for hours every night."

"J-just making sure!" The last thing I wanted was to make Layla feel lonely. She was the one person in the world who thought I was worth something. I couldn't bear it if I hurt her. "You're my very best friend."

"And you are mine." Layla smiled warmly. "I'm not bringing it up because I'm annoyed or anything. If anything, I'm happy."

"You are?"

"Yes." She laughed brightly, and I had to admit, it was brighter than her laughs had been the past few years. "You're good at faking a smile, but it's been a while since I've seen you happy-happy, Lene. And even if this is just the prankster in you having fun, it's nice to see you with your real smile again."

"Ah." I had no idea how to reply to that. Except to continue protests. "It's just the prankster thing. I don't have a crush."

"Of course."

"I mean it."

"I know."

"Ugh…" I put the last of my things away and flopped onto the bed, laughing at the bounce. There was just something fun about bouncy beds. "Hey, how are your feet?"

"They're… holding." She brought one up onto the bed, and I winced at the bandages on it. She'd have to wear different shoes for tonight. "I'm actually more worried about my ankles."

"They do look a little swollen." I hopped off of the bed to snatch some balm and sat back down. "Here, give me your feet." Layla swung around to do that, and I noticed her other foot was even more bandaged. "If you'd like, Layla, I can do some more complicated stuff to hide how yours are simpler."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, of course." Might as well use that whole 'more stamina' and 'endure more pain' thing to make things easier on Layla, right? "How much trouble will we get into if we ask for a night off?"

"I'd rather not." She grimaced. "I did discuss it with Bramsel, as a hypothetical, and I got an 'implication' of how we'd make up for it in _other_ ways."

"Gross old man." Either dance until our feet were mangled or have sex with him. What an ultimatum. "We'll be fine. We always have."

"That we have." Layla smiled softly and closed her eyes. "Gods, if you hear a prayer from mere dancers, please let us make through these times and be happy."

"Oh, Layla…" Despite living in a church, I never was the religious type. But Layla believed, even if she wasn't sure they heard us. And I never teased her for it, because I knew it was another way she showed how much she cared. "Love you too."

* * *

Layla's feet and ankles got worse and worse with each passing day. She assured me that she was fine, that between the medicine and the 'ice and hot water' treatment she was okay. But I could see how much standing and walking hurt her and she still had to dance every night. Worse was that I thought Bramsel was catching on, because I was the only one who handled any solo shows he wanted, when before, Layla and I had split them. But I couldn't let her take anymore. She was balancing too much as it was.

"Ugh… everything that looks interesting is way out of my budget," I grumbled, hunting through the stalls. I had hoped to find Layla some sort of trinket to cheer her up, but so far, nothing. Even a simple flower was too much. "I knew I spent too much on scented oils." But I'd hoped the perfume would make Layla happy, and they had, so how could I not…? "Damn it."

"Damn what?" And, out of nowhere, Ares appeared. To my yelp-shriek. And near fall. "Sorry, I thought you heard me," he explained, helping me balance. I'd managed to jump and land on something not-stable. A quick look showed it was someone's apple. Someone didn't get their full money's worth then. "You okay?"

"I'm fine, save for the heart attack." I winced at how tart the words were, though, because it wasn't his fault I'd been trapped in my own thoughts. So, I made sure to add a little joke. "I mean; you're outside. In the sunshine. Without me to drag you. I am _stunned_."

"You're talking a lot for a stunned person." He shrugged, and held up a small bundle. I tried to not flinch, because I remembered the severed head. Even if it had been a while. Thankfully, the cloth was clean, and the bundle was small. "Buying something."

"Really?" I widened my eyes innocently. "I didn't think you bought anything."

"I didn't buy my mirrors. There's plenty of other things I buy. Like clothes." He shrugged, and smiled slightly when I eyed the bundle skeptically. "This isn't for me, though. I'm buying it for Layla."

"You are?" That was… odd. I'd never seen them even politely greet each other. "Really?"

"Yes, she asked if I would." He frowned slightly. "Her ankles were swollen. Will she be okay?"

"Well, dancing is hard work."

"I can tell, by how seriously both of you practice in the mornings." His frown deepened and I belatedly realized I'd totally… I didn't even know. I went on the defensive without even thinking about it. "That said, I don't see how that has a bearing on whether she will be all right?"

"Well, um…" I had no idea how the past couple of seconds just happened, so I was just going to try and salvage it somehow. "Are we sure I'm the terrier and not you?"

"What are… oh, right, I did say that." He suddenly smiled and it was _not fair_ how much it softened and lit up his face. Gods' blood, he was handsome enough without the smile! "I forgot about that. I'm sorry if that insulted you."

"It was a creative way to call me a 'bitch'."

"Stubborn." He shook his head, still smiling. "I was calling you 'stubborn'."

"You'd be surprised how much the terms overlap."

"Much about you always surprises me." And he laughed softly. And it sounded nice. That was also not fair. Not at all. "Regardless, though, is she? They looked painful."

"We do have medicines." And only now did I think of a way to connect my point to his question. I was _clearly_ on top of things. "But, dancing is hard work."

"Oh, that's what you meant. You're not sure because she's having to put so much stress on them because of her dancing." He nodded, understanding, and I mentally cheered at managing to salvage that! "I was thinking about buying her some medicines, but it occurred to me that I didn't know what you had and what you used. So then I thought about heading to the infirmary, but I'm assuming there's a reason you two don't go to it."

"Don't want to risk Bramsel cutting our pay." Or, worse, making us 'pay' for it in other ways. It would be just like him. "So, I'm actually pretty surprised she let you know." It was dangerous.

"Ah, that was more of an accident." He glanced down briefly. I looked around the crowd, hoping no one was eavesdropping. Thankfully, it was just the usual waves of people pushing past and not paying attention. "She collapsed in the hallway. I happened to be near."

"...Damn it…" I ground my teeth and had to fight the urge to kick myself. I knew she'd been bad off, but that bad? Some friend I was. "The apothecary is this way. Can you help me carry the medicine?" I'd have to go over budget, but this was important.

"Of course."

I led the way to the apothecary, nodding to the person behind the counter. I didn't know their name, but I'd talked medicinal herbs in the past with them. Today, though, I was going with the premade stuff. More expensive, but Layla would have to wait less. So, I hunted through, checking between the price cards, name cards, and the medicines themselves. I found a couple that had been switched around, no doubt by customers who didn't think of how dangerous that could be, but otherwise, everything was as it should.

"You're picking out which ones they are quickly," Ares noted after a moment. He stuck close to me in the apothecary, probably because it was a little more crowded than typical. "That's impressive."

"The name cards help," I murmured, debating between two balms. I couldn't afford both, but both would be pretty good for Layla. "But I've always been good at identifying medicines."

"As I said, impressive." He smiled faintly. "They all look and smell the same to me."

"Really?" I gave him a weird look before I remembered his reputation. Invincible Black Knight. I always forgot because that wasn't the sort of person you'd expect run errands for a dancer. But Ares never complained or anything. Weirdo. "I suppose you don't use medicines much, do you?"

"I use some. Contrary to my reputation, I do get injured." His smile became unexpectedly bitter, so bitter that I felt there had to be more to the story. But I didn't know how to ask. "I just can't tell them apart."

"I hope no one tries to poison you via medicines, then."

"It's happened once or twice. Didn't work." He shrugged at my dumbfounded look. "People do try to kill mercenaries to avoid paying them."

"Ah." I had… no reply to that one. "Which one do you think I should get?"

"That's a subject change." Still, he shrugged. "Get both."

"I don't have the money for that."

"I'll pay."

"Wait, what?" My jaw dropped briefly. No one had ever offered to just _buy_ us stuff before. "I can't ask you to do that!"

"I told you that I was thinking of buying you two medicines anyway. I just didn't know what worked for you." He smiled and I scowled, realizing he did have a point. "I think it would actually be rude to make you pay."

"You… are so aggravating sometimes." Still, I didn't put up much of a fight. Regardless of what this would cost me later, and damn it, I knew there had to be some sort of price, Layla was far more important. "Oh, all right. What's the budget?"

"There isn't one." He shrugged when I gave him yet another skeptical, incredulous look. "I am the best paid mercenary outside of Thracia, and I don't have a lot of things to spend it on."

"Weapons?" It took everything I had to not be horribly sarcastic. And horribly jealous because gods, I'd love to 'not have a budget' for once in my life. "Weapons are expensive."

"Less than you think. I take good care of my sword to lower the need to replace it." He frowned a bit, like he sensed my darkening mood. But there was a bit of confusion to it, like he wasn't sure why. I was so irritated, but I tried not to be. It wasn't exactly _his_ fault. "So, other than that, I just buy clothes."

"I see." So. Irritating. "Why charge so much then?"

" _I_ charge nothing. Javarro is the one who handles the contracts." He smiled kindly. "But, I can't complain. I donate what I can, and I can use it to help you and Layla."

And now I felt bad for being irritated. Damn it. "You _super_ sure you don't mind buying the medicines?"

"Just don't buy the entire store. I don't have _that_ much money."

"Darn, there goes that idea." I bit my lip and nodded. I should just… "Okay. Thank you."

"Of course."

Medicines were purchased, and I tried to not wince when I heard the total. Ares paid for it without a word of complaint and carried the basket back to the castle for me. When there, someone called out to him, so I took the purchases and skipped to my room like there was nothing wrong. However, as soon as I got inside, and saw Layla resting in bed with badly swollen ankles, I was instantly beside myself.

"Layla, how are you feeling?" I asked, setting the packages down before hugging her. She squeaked a bit from how tight it was. "You should've told me you were that bad off!"

"How did you… oh, never mind," Layla sighed, hugging me back. She then pulled away to smile ruefully at me. "I didn't think it was that bad. Walking aggravated them more than I thought." Her smile became happier. "Ah, but guess what?"

"What?" I sat next to her and pulled her feet into my lap so that I could start tending to her feet and ankles. "Good news, I trust?"

"Very. Well, ish." She shrugged. "Bramsel is ill, so we don't have to dance until he's better. There's going to be no formal dinners."

"Oh!" I could see why she said 'ish'. We wouldn't get paid for our dances. But she could rest. She could finally rest for a few days. That was a relief. "I can't believe you tried to walk on these."

"It was worse than I thought, like I said." Layla pulled the package Ares had been carrying into her lap and opened it up. "Oh, good. They were still there."

"Hmm?" I glanced up briefly and saw her holding up a set of clear blue earrings. Probably glass or quartz or something. "Oh, pretty."

"Isn't it?" She held them by my face, and I teared up a bit when I figured out why. "I was right. These will look lovely on you. And they had the other pair as well!" She brought up another set, clear red, and giggled. "We'll match! Sort of."

"I love it!" I made sure to smile brightly for her. "I could've gotten them for you, though."

"But I wanted to surprise you! And a pleasant surprise not, you know…" She gestured to her feet. "Ah, and there's the ribbons."

"Ribbons?" I frowned when she pulled the out and frowned further when I recognized them. They were the ones I'd been interested in a while ago. "Uh…"

"Ares was near because he wanted to ask if you or I would be offended if he bought these ribbons for you." She reached around to undo my ponytail and redo it with the pink and white lace ribbon. "Hee… it looks nice. You should wear it with that pink dancing outfit you love so much."

"Yeah, sure." I was… so confused. "Why the hell would he buy me that?"

"He said it was because he noticed you staring longingly at them, and you prioritized things for me." She giggled, still smiling, distinctly amused. I was gobsmacked because I had no idea he'd been paying that much attention to me. "You know… he's a surprisingly nice man. I'm still waiting for the price, but if he has one, he's certainly taking his time."

"Yeah…" I'd heard of 'nice guys' playing long games, but I'd never experienced it before. And this was just… I don't know… weird. Like my instincts were telling me that, for once, I was wrong or something. But I knew how things worked. No one was this kind without some sort of ulterior motive. No one. "Layla, can you hold your feet a little more still?"

"Ah, sorry!"

After I tended to her feet, Layla decided to take a pain medication that would knock her out for a few hours, so I got her all tucked in and playfully fussed over her until she fell asleep. Afterwards, I cleaned the room up a bit, mostly just organizing the jewelry and scarves since we had so many. Then, after quite a few moments of debating, I left to go find Ares. I wasn't quite comfortable leaving Layla alone, but I had to get _some_ answers. Proper ones. It was really driving me nuts.

Of course, I had to find a maid to tell me where to go. I'd never actually been to his room before. He'd never been to mine. So, some part of me, probably foolishly, felt like… I didn't even know. Ad I still didn't know what I felt as I knocked on the door and heard a… well, in retrospect, it was probably a 'who is it?' noise. Like a 'hmm?' or something. But in my annoyance, I'd heard something more like 'come in', so I just opened the door like a rude person. Not that I could quite say I regretted it. I mean; I hated intruding on him. It was mean and rude. But, well, he was shirtless, so I got very rewarded for my very bad behavior.

"Did you need something?" Ares asked, a touch dryly, expression somewhere between 'stoic' and 'exasperated'. I continued standing in the doorway, eating the eye candy. "Lene?"

"You'll have to forgive my brain freezing, Ares, because I wasn't expecting that," I retorted. I did look down sheepishly. And still studied him through my lashes. Because he was very handsome, very fit, and no matter how much I tried to distract myself, there was no denying those very true facts. "I'm sorry. I thought I heard a 'come in'."

"It's fine." Ares walked over to a set of drawers and pulled out a shirt. I tried to not sigh in disappointment, before I noticed something odd. He had a _massive_ tattoo, one of amber ink, on the entire upper half of his back, jagged edges almost making it look like the upper part of a suit of armor. With that startling out of my rudeness, I noticed the mostly faint scars crisscrossing practically every area besides that very strange tattoo. I didn't think… based on his reputation, somehow I didn't think he would have any scars. "Lene?"

"Yes?" I jerked my head up just as he pulled the shirt on. "Sorry. Mentally cursing self." Though not for the reasons I probably should.

"I asked if something was wrong." He turned to face me, expression stoic yet curious. "Is Layla okay?"

"She'll be fine, especially since Bramsel is sick. Less money, but we'll have a few days off." I struggled to think of a way to get to the point and decided to, well, get to the point. "I wanted to thank you for this." I gestured to the ribbon in my hair and he smiled softly. "And I wanted to ask why you're being so nice."

"That again?" He sighed, running a hand through his hair. The tips were damp, suggesting he'd just gotten out of a bath. And that was a mental image I did _not_ need right now. "Really?"

"Yes, because it really doesn't make sense to me." I crossed my arms and glowered. As if that would be intimidating. But hopefully, it conveyed my seriousness. "So? And don't say it was the dancing. There's no way that was it."

"Right, because you can read minds." His voice was perfectly sarcastic, but I held my ground. I wanted answers, damn it. And, honestly, by this point, if he _did_ say he was after sex, I'd go for it. He was insanely attractive, almost as much as he was aggravating. "Well, it's probably obvious by now, but I am the son of a noblewoman and a knight."

"Yeah, I figured by the mirror and the random knowledge facts."

"So, what you keep calling 'nice' are honestly things that I was taught was 'respectful'."

"Uh-huh." I failed to see how buying me a present, offering to buy Layla things, paying for our medicine, _and_ letting us borrow his mother's mirror… I failed to see how _any_ of that fell into 'respectful'. "Then why do you still act that way? You're a mercenary."

"I like what I was taught." His words were harsher, fiercer, than I expected. "I have spent most of my life on the battlefield, yes, but I still do believe and love what I was taught as a child. The ideals are foolish and led my father to a horrible betrayal, but I still hold onto them." With each word, he held himself a little taller, and a little more confident. Until I felt like I was addressing a king, a proper king unlike Bramsel, instead of an aggravating mercenary. "So, that's why." Then, probably because he felt he was being too serious, or maybe he sensed my sudden unease, he smiled faintly, softening the impression. "And my mother would come back from the grave to whack me over the head."

"Ah." I felt… I didn't know what to feel. Unease, certainly. Like I had crossed a line. Like I had crossed a line ages ago. Like he and I were from two very different worlds entirely. "Well, we'll go with that, I guess." I felt at a lost and out of sorts. I felt like crying, for some reason. "I do like the ribbon, so thank you again." I just… I didn't know what to feel. "And I'm probably bothering you, so I'll leave you to… whatever!"

I bolted. I bolted right out the door, not even bothering to close it behind me. I thought I heard him call after me, but I was down the hall before I could debate whether or not I had or just wish I had. And it didn't really matter, because I didn't stop running until I was well out of sight. I leaned against the wall, clutching my chest as I struggled to breathe. Before laughing bitterly at what an impression I made. How flaky and bothersome, and even if I did want to bug him as he had me, that had been...

I was the worst, really. It was a miracle Layla put up with me. It really was.

* * *

I avoided Ares for the next few days. Pretty easy, since I helped Layla with her injuries and Bramsel being sicker than a dog meant that we had plenty of time to rest and easy reasons to just stay in our room. It wasn't like we took meals with everyone anyway, our meal schedule was different due to the dances, and we had more or less everything we needed right in the room.

"Lene, did something happen?" All of that is probably why Layla waited so long to prod me about my somewhat gloomy mood. "You haven't been smiling lately," she murmured, frowning worriedly at me. We were on the bed and I was tending to her feet, a fairly common thing these past few days. They were finally on the mend, thankfully, but I was worried about her ankles still. They were still swollen. "I miss it."

"Sorry, I'm just worried," I whispered, focused entirely on my task. I was worried we'd need to see a healer-healer for her feet, and gods, that was going to be expensive. The church charged _gold_ for even the simplest of things. Made me mad on so many levels. "Money is getting tight."

"I'm sorry."

"For what? Given how hard we've been working, it's a miracle you're able to heal." I shook my head. "I'll head out and get a bit more medicine." Or at least the components to make the balm I needed. Whichever was cheaper. "You make sure to keep on resting, okay?"

"Lene…" Layla leaned forward and hugged me tightly. "Is that the only thing?"

"That I can think of, yep." Not quite true. I was still feeling topsy-turvy because of that conversation with Ares. But I didn't even know where to begin on that one. "I'll let you know if that changes."

"You promise?"

"Yep." I pulled away and gave her the best smile I could. She smiled back, accepting that. "Ah, I'll make you up an ice-pack before I head out, okay?"

"Sounds good." She gently touched my cheek. "Don't overwork, please. I don't want you getting sick."

"Oh, you know me. Healthy as a… some really healthy thing." I pouted when she laughed. "It is way too early to think coherently."

"Lene, it's the middle of the afternoon." She continued laughing. I continued pouting. "Silly."

"Hey!"

She kept on teasing me as I finished bandaging her up and got her that ice-pack. Then I got my cloak and some coins before heading to the market. Carefully counting said coins as I went. When Layla and I made our budget, it was on the assumption that we would be getting paid daily for our dancing. But, with Bramsel sick and no dances, we hadn't been paid for a while. And while that was good for rest, and we still had shelter and food, it also meant that I had to calculate _exactly_ how much I had and debate about going with the 'sure but expensive' or the 'not as good, but cheaper'. And genuinely wonder if I would need to sell some things. Maybe my pendant or my sword? Yes, they were from my parents, all that I had of them, but I never used the sword, and the pendant… well, I only wore it when I wasn't dancing. Meaning both were sentimental, but ultimately frivolous things that I might not be able to afford keeping. Not if I wanted to make sure Layla got better.

A small bit of commotion caught my attention as I stepped into the market proper, and I wandered towards it curiously, thinking it might be some traveling performer. But it wasn't. Instead, it seemed like a child almost got themselves hurt, and someone saved them. And as soon as I saw gold hair, I knew the 'someone' had been Ares. Because of course it would be him. Kind Ares who held onto knightly ideas while being one of the most feared mercenaries… he was definitely someone who would save a child without a second thought.

I thought about calling out to him. I even thought about asking him for help. But, instead, I turned away and left the market entirely, heading for the edges of town so that I could calm down a bit. A couple people called out to me, but I ignored them, knowing they were most likely just some guys wanting to 'compliment' a girl trying to mind her own business. Besides, I was too busy cursing myself. It was damned ridiculous, really, to run and hide from him. But he was aggravating and confusing at the best of times, and I wasn't in my best of minds. And I also felt ashamed for wanting to ask him for help. Especially given how I'd run away last time...

"Miss! Miss, come back this way!" The shouts followed me, and I continued on. I had no intentions of getting assaulted today. "Miss!" Though, there was a strange grinding sound in the air, and my instincts were screaming that something was very wrong. "The wall is-!"

A loud 'crack' made me jerk my head up and I realized just what had happened. I'd gone near the wall to get away from the market. And it was finally crumbling. The people shouting had been trying to warn me, but I… I'd been too lost in my thoughts, and so certain in how things worked that I had ignored it. And I already knew that I wasn't going to be able to dodge the large piece falling right for me, because it was at least twice my size if not more. I was fast, but not that fast, and it was huge. So, here I was, about to die. And all I could do was close my eyes and accept it.

But just as I did, something snagged me by the waist and jerked me to something warm. Then there was the sound of some sort of impact and a grunt and hiss of pain above my head. But I… I wasn't in pain. Not really. And I could still breathe. My heart still beat, thudding as it was in my ears. So, something had… no, someone had…

I knew even before I opened my eyes that I would see black. Because Ares almost always wore black clothes, and of course, he was the one who had saved me. Holding me close, shielding me from that giant chunk of rock. And somehow managing it, and the other smaller bits of rubble that fell on it, despite the fact that the rock was so large, larger than him. Yet, he held it up with nothing but his back and one arm. The other, of course, was still around me.

"Are you all right?" he asked worriedly, voice surprisingly even. I couldn't figure out how to form words, so I just studied him, noticing how he didn't seem to be struggling. He shielded me easily, held back the rubble easily. "Lene?" Though, I couldn't say it was effortless. Blood trickled down his face and neck. Scratches? Scrapes? Worse? "Lene?"

"You're bleeding," I whispered, because that's all I could piece together coherently. I reached up and almost touched the blood, but I stopped myself in time. Just… hovering my hand by his neck awkwardly. "I'm sorry."

"Unless you brought the wall down, then there's nothing to apologize for." He glanced to the side, and as my heart finally calmed, I could hear the shrieks and crying from the crowd. I wondered how many others got caught. "Seems like it finished, at least in this area." He looked back to me. "Can you stand?"

"Yes, I think so." I stepped back slowly, using his arm as a balance just in case. But I was right and it amazed me how fine I was. In fact, I was sure I didn't even have bruises. "Yep. I'm good."

"Good." He smiled briefly before letting go of me entirely to twist and shove the slab completely off of him. It actually rolled quite a distance, but I didn't pay attention to that. I was distracted by how his back was bloody. The arm he'd used to support the slab was bloody. He… he was hurt... "Okay, sharper than I thought."

"We should treat that." I looked around, wondering if there was a healer about. But it was hard to tell with the crowd screaming and demanding answers. And it was hard to focus on the crowd when I saw how an entire section of the wall just _went_. "I wonder how it fell down."

"A child could've thrown a toy at it and it would've fallen." Ares sighed and brushed some dust and pebbles out of his hair. More blood oozed down his back and arms. "Now Bramsel has to replace the whole thing, far more expensive." He stiffened suddenly, and I wondered why. Then I heard a high-pitched child's cry of 'Mama!'.

Ares was off just as I put the pieces together, and I followed, mostly to make sure he didn't make his injuries worse. Thankfully, the source wasn't far, just out of immediate sight thanks to the rubble. But it was clear what had happened, or at least, I came up with a scenario pretty quickly. When the wall began falling apart, the mother had tried to run. Failing that, she shoved her child out of harm's way and now, was pinned underneath some very large rocks. Bleeding out, assuming she wasn't dead already. And her child was sitting on the ground, wailing, because they didn't know what was going on.

"Hey there, it's going to be okay," I whispered, crouching by the child. It wasn't like I could help with the rubble. There was an entire group of strong looking people trying and failing to get the rocks off of her. Ares went to join them, to help with the futile effort. "Poor sweetie, you must've been so scared." I used my sleeve to wipe the worst of the tears, and 'coincidentally' getting some of the dirt off their face. "Would you like a hug?" They immediately threw themselves at me, not old enough to know 'stranger danger'. Thankfully, I had no intentions of kidnapping. "There, there… it's going to be okay."

Gasps and shouts of 'pull her out' made me look to the side and I gawked when I saw Ares had moved the rubble the _group_ of people before had struggled with. As in he had _cleared_ all the rubble off of her in the short time it had taken for me to talk to the kid! And he did it a second time with another pinned person. And a third. And a fourth. As I held and comforted the child, this time while some surgeons tried to save their mother's life, I watched as the rescue efforts slowly turn into 'Ares clears the rubble, and other people pull people free'. Each time, someone shouted their thanks to Ares, but Ares shook it off and moved to the next one. And, watching, I had to wonder…

The 'black' part of 'Black Knight' was obvious. He wore black, he had black armor, he rode a black horse… obvious. But the 'knight' part had been weird. Why call a mercenary a 'knight'? Why not some sort of animal? Why not boast that he was a 'god'? Why pick 'knight'? But now, I thought it was obvious and I had to wonder if it wasn't his enemies who gave him the name, but the people. The people he interacted with, who he helped without a second thought and shook off any gestures of gratitude. That respectful kindness that so baffled me… maybe that was why. Or, you know, my near-death-experience could just be making me loopy. But it was certainly a thought. And one that made me smile.

"Lene? Lene, where are you?" At some point, around when I was passing the child to his thankfully-going-to-survive-mother, Layla's frantic voice rose above the crowd. I couldn't see her, because of everyone, but… "Lene?!"

"I'm over here," I called, making sure to step away from the 'field infirmary' area that had been set up. While I was good with medicines, I wasn't sure I was good enough to help. "Over here, over here!" I waved a bit and, eventually, Layla pushed through the crowd, face ghost-white and eyes wide. "Hey, I'm-"

"Lene!" She didn't even let me finish. She just rushed over and hugged me tightly. "You're okay. You're okay, right?"

"Yeah, I'm just fine." I hugged her back. "Just fine."

"Thank you, gods…" Her voice cracked and I knew she was crying. I could hear it, even if she held me too tightly to see it. "I saw the wall fall. And I knew you weren't supposed to be near, but I kept thinking 'what if' and then I was out the door, trying to find you and I couldn't find you and…"

"I'm okay." I leaned a bit into her. "I was near, felt a bit out of sorts, but Ares saved me."

"At this point, I don't even care what he wants anymore. He can have it." She pulled away, smiling sweetly at me, even if she was crying hard enough for her makeup to run. "You're okay. You're still here."

"I am." Embarrassed, I glanced down and to the side and saw Ares was apparently done with moving rubble. Some people clasped his shoulder or took his hands to thank him profusely, but he seemed almost uncomfortable by all of the gratitude. He did let the child from before hug him, though. He even ruffled their hair. "Ares, hey, you should-"

"You are a blessing!" And Layla decided to just tackle Ares with a hug. And Ares actually froze up, clearly having no idea what to do. "Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you!"

I couldn't help but laugh and laugh, especially as Ares tried to play it off, but Layla wouldn't let him. I should probably help, but I was glad to be alive and the sight of big, strong Ares being flustered was just plain funny for some reason. Not to mention I knew that it would be near impossible to stop Layla for another hour or so. So, I might as well enjoy myself a bit, yes? I nearly died. I wanted to laugh.

* * *

I, thankfully, remembered that Ares was injured and bleeding before Layla really did spend an hour thanking him, and we all quickly returned to the castle. While Layla went to rest, because believing your best friend was dead was a _very_ tiring experience, I tended to Ares's injuries. He'd insisted he'd be fine, but I bullied him into letting me. He got hurt protecting me. The absolute least I could do was make sure nothing got infected. And, thankfully, he had his own supply of medicine for wounds.

"This is going to sound so stupid, but for some reason, I find it surprising you've got scars," I murmured, carefully treating his back. Quite a few of the injuries were on that strange tattoo of his, which I swore 'buzzed' or something. "But you've got quite a few, huh?"

"I've seen worse," Ares replied, sitting perfectly still. He kept his head bowed slightly to make it easier on me to treat him. I'd already gotten his arm bandaged. "Are you sure you're okay, though?"

"Yep, I'm just fine."

"You sure?"

"Yes?" I frowned at him and noticed his sigh of relief. "Ares?"

"I panicked when I saw…" He paused, trying to think of the words he wanted, before giving up on the sentence entirely. "Well, I was worried I'd hurt you by accident. I was more focused on making sure you wouldn't die."

"Ah." I wondered why briefly before realized the obvious. Somehow, someway, Ares was strong enough to hold back rubble with nothing but his arm and back, _and_ strong enough to move pieces of stone too heavy for an entire group of people. That was easily strong enough to hurt me. That was strong enough to kill me. "Nope, I'm just fine. I'm not even bruised." I winked and decided to tease him. "I could take off my dress to show you-"

"N-no, I'll take your word for it!" Ares went way red, way fast, and I had to laugh. "You did that on purpose."

"Of course." Though, if he had asked, I probably would've. "I'll have Layla double-check once I'm done here. Just in case there's something I missed."

"And how are you mentally?" He caught my hand briefly and peered up at me worriedly. It was super weird to look 'down' at him. "You were close to death."

"I'm sure I'll have a breakdown later or something, but honestly, for right now, I'm just thankful to be alive and am very determined to make sure your injuries get treated." I smiled warmly and he smiled back faintly, accepting that. "Now that I think about it, I did something similar the last time I got close to death."

"May I ask what happened?"

"Some priests were trying to steal Layla, and I bit them to get them to let her go. We escaped, but I got hit with a spell." And, after my injuries were taken care of, I'd fussed over Layla's, even though technically, mine were worse. There was something comforting in tending to people, though. "Did you ever have problems with the priests?"

"If you mean if I was ever Hunted, no, I wasn't. I have _many_ problems with them." His eyes became hard briefly, but then he shook his head. "The worst is escorting them to their prisons. They have a few in the middle of nowhere in Yied."

"Ick, that sounds rough." I had a feeling that wasn't the 'worst' at all, but it was probably the safest thing to say. King Bloom stopped Child Hunts where he could, but we were near Yied. The priests could be anywhere. "So, subject change, but I've heard many boast on how every scar has a story."

"I've heard that boast as well, but I wonder how they remember most of them. If they don't make them up, that is." He smiled slightly, going along with the subject change easily. "There's one in the group, Sean, who has a scar on his face from where he got drunk and ran headfirst into a window. But he'll deny that and say it was from some battle or duel to the death or something."

"That's so ridiculous. Both how he got it and that he'll lie about it." I giggled, unable to help it. It reminded me of some of the antics I'd seen outside of taverns. "Well, what about you? Any funny stories like that?"

"No, not really." He smiled a bit more when I gave him a skeptical look. "I don't like the loss of control drunkenness can bring, so I'm always careful about how much I have."

"I see." I almost called BS, but then I remembered our very first meeting. Even though his fellow had been completely sloshed, Ares hadn't smelled of alcohol at all. "Shame. That would've been funny."

"Sadly, all the scars are either things I don't remember or from sadder things." His hand hovered over a scar on his left side. "I got this when Leonster fell."

"Oh…" Leonster… I'd heard about it. Once the protectors, and rulers, of the Manster District, now just another conquest of the Empire. Though there were rumors that mentioned that the young prince managed to retake the castle and was currently fighting Friege forces in order to keep it. But that was ridiculous. No one held out against the Empire for long. "You said your dad was a knight. Was he a knight of Leonster?"

"No, but my uncle was." He hesitated a bit before continuing softly. "I'm not from around here. I was born in Nordion."

"Nordion?" That sounded vaguely familiar. "Where's that?"

"Agustria."

"Oh, he was one of the Cross Knights then?" I only knew of them through the songs about Eldigan the Lionheart, and his tragic end. "That... had to be rough." Escaping one hell only for the sanctuary to fall? Sounded like a nightmare. "So… uh… would you like a subject change?"

"Please."

"All right, then~!" I focused on cleaning a particularly deep cut on his back and came up on what had to be the obvious question, and something I should've asked a while ago. "Ares, how were you close enough?"

"Hmm?"

"You were close enough to save me. But you weren't near…" He'd been in the market. I'd run away from the market. "So, while I am very grateful, I'm also just curious."

"Oh, that." Ares smiled sheepishly. "I saw you in the market and went after you."

"You did?" I hadn't noticed at all. "Why?"

"I wanted to apologize." He looked up at me so sincerely that I almost winced. "Last we spoke, I clearly said something that distressed you."

"That…" I had no idea how to explain that. "It's not that you said anything distressing. It's more…" Hitting a blank… hitting a blank in words… words were hard… "You know; no one has ever been nice to me for no reason." I focused solely on cleaning his cuts as I did my best to try and explain… explain why he was so aggravating. "Layla and me… we were orphans in the church. Layla's parents died. Mine flat out abandoned me. The two of us had to fight for just about everything we had. No one gave us so much as a smile without us doing something to earn it." I gave him a dirty look. "And then there's you. It's a bit disconcerting, you know."

"Ah." Ares fell silent, considering his response. "Well, I wasn't lying the first time. It started with your dancing."

"Really? Because most of the time, the 'dancing' leads to more of the 'niceness with ulterior motives'."

"No wonder you didn't believe me, then." Ares laughed softly. "But I meant what I said. I enjoyed the dance. It reminded me of happier times. Back when Leonster hadn't fallen." He closed his eyes, remembering. "It was a trying time for the adults, I know. Yied, Belhalla… they'd just happened. But I was a child, barely old enough to understand that death meant Father wasn't coming home. That Quan, Ethlyn, and… someone else weren't coming back." He paused to gather his thoughts. I noted absently that he hadn't used titles for Prince Quan and Princess Ethlyn. I wondered who the 'someone else' was, though. Maybe their little girl? The little princess no one ever mentioned the name of because people only cared about her age and her tragic end? "Everything was strange, but still bright to me, back then. And during that time, my aunt and uncle took me on a trip to Darna. Them, me, and a little boy they were taking care of."

"What was his name?" I started bandaging him up, almost done. "Do you remember?"

"No, sadly. I remember his laugh, but that's about it." He smiled suddenly. "But, while we were here, there was a dancer. She was bright, laughing, and something about her seemed like energy personified. And she knew my aunt and uncle, so we went to her home, where there were even more warm and bright people." He looked up at me, still smiling. "It's a good memory. I only have pieces of it nowadays, but it's a good memory nonetheless. And your dance reminded me of it."

"Oh." Absently, I wondered if that dancer had been my mother. But that was a silly thought. What were the chances? "I see. So, in a way, you really were thanking me for reminding you of that memory."

"And then from there, it's just…" He almost shrugged, but I stopped him. I was still working on the injuries there. "I was always taught that you gave gifts to people you admire and respect."

"Ha, sounds like a noble's way of thinking." Still, I understood the sentiment. I loved being able to splurge and buy Layla things. "Well, I still find it weird, but it does make more sense."

"Would you feel better if I think of something more tangible?"

"Yes." Honestly, anything I could give to help even things out would be great. One of the main issues is that he's done so much, and yet I've done so little. I hated that.

"Then I'll try to think of something. Might take a while." He smiled sheepishly. "I pretty much have everything I need."

"Weirdo." I rolled my eyes, but accepted that. In a way, it was a compromise, so... "So, since that got super serious, what's up with this tattoo?"

"That's…" Ares hesitated and shook his head. "Another time, maybe. I don't…"

"Got it." Okay, more to it than I'd originally thought. "And that's the last of it!" I tied off the bandage and skipped to his dresser. "Here, I'll get you a shirt." Of course, I was soon distracted by the stuffed bear apparently hiding among Ares's clothes. A cute one, made from black and white cloth. "Uh…" I held it up curiously and looked at him. Ares just covered his face. "You know; I didn't think you'd have a stuffed bear."

"Of all the drawers you picked, you had to pick that one."

"It's so cute!" I moved the arms up and down and hugged it. I'd never had a stuffed animal, so part of me was a little jealous. But, mostly, I thought this was hilariously adorable. "Something from your childhood?"

"Yeah." He sighed and stood up, reaching around me to actually grab a shirt. I continued played with the toy, enthralled by it. "I don't really remember who gave it to me, though. I just remember it was a woman with long red hair and a kind, gentle smile." He pulled his shirt on fairly easily, especially given the bandages. "I think Mother said she was a healer, but I don't know that. I just remember the hair, the smile, and the fact that Father respected her." He laughed softly as I continued playing. "Maybe I should let you borrow it while I'm away."

"Away?" I frowned at him, and a cold feeling spiked through my gut. "What do you mean?"

"Bramsel's given marching orders. I'll leave with some of the others in a couple of days."

"Really?" I felt uneasy suddenly. "Who would you be fighting?"

"I have no idea." He grimaced. "Life of a mercenary, really. You get hired to kill people, and often, you don't know who you're killing until it's too late." He said the words softly, sadly even, and I wondered if there were jobs he regretted. People he wished he never killed.

But I couldn't ask that. So, I asked about something else. "Hey, Ares, how long have you been a mercenary?"

"I've been helping Javarro ever since he saved me when Leonster fell, so I've been in the lifestyle for most of my life. I didn't take a job until I was thirteen, though."

"Ah." And now I wondered if he clung to those old lessons in order to stay sane. "Well, come back, okay? You have to give me an answer."

"That I do." He smiled, a softer smile than I was used to. "Try not to get squashed while away."

"That wasn't on purpose!" I scowled, but he continued to smile. "Oh, whatever. I'll try."

* * *

Over a week. Way over a week. Closer to two weeks. That's how long Ares had been gone. Go off on his own? Back the same day. Leave with a group? Not back for who knew how long! It was aggravating! And, worse, Layla was amused with my frustration.

"If it was a large group, then surely it was more than simply killing," Layla teased, brushing my hair. She was up on the bed, while I was on the floor, playing with Ares's bear. He really had dropped it off on his way out for me. "That toy is adorable."

"It is," I agreed, softening. Things didn't seem quite so bad when you had something squishy to hug. "But I bet it's missing its owner." I held the bear up to my ear, pretending it was actually saying something. "You are? I thought so. He's so mean, leaving you behind for so long."

"You are so silly." Layla giggled, still brushing my hair. "Super silly."

"Well, someone needs to keep the cheer." I glanced up at her, though she quickly nudged my head down again. "And you've been fretting over something ever since you picked up our pay yesterday."

"Ah, yes…" Layla fell silent, focusing on my hair, and I waited, playing with the bear. "Hey, Lene, be careful, okay?"

"With what? The bear?" I frowned at it, worried that I might've torn something. But there was nothing I could see. Just nice, even stitches, like someone had lovingly made it. Or lovingly mended it, given its likely age. "Bear seems fine?"

"In general." She reached down to hug me, resting her head against mine. "Bramsel has been hinting about us being 'personal dancers'."

"Oh, gross." And not unexpected. I was surprised it hadn't come up sooner. "Did you refuse?"

"I pretended to not understand the implication. I was afraid refusing would lead to dungeons, or worse." She tightened her hug on me. "So, please, be careful? I know you do your best to avoid him, but if it comes up, just pretend you don't know what he's talking about."

"I'll try." Problem was, I'd likely snap if he tried. That was _why_ I kept my distance. But the longer we worked for him, the more likely it was that… "I wish I could bite my tongue like you can."

"You've always been the fiery one of us." Layla let go of me to continue brushing my hair. "And my 'biting my tongue' is what let the priests almost kidnapping me. And I'd be dead or worse in that case." She kissed the top of my head. "And that fire gives your dancing a passion few can match." She pulled my hair back with a ribbon and patted my shoulders. "And your hair is done."

"Thank you." I smiled warmly at her, hugging the bear to my chest. "And I will try. The most danger will be right after a solo show."

"Right, if he says something like 'come over here because I have a present', you're more likely to snap and demand he come to you instead." She shuddered, wincing. "Oh, I can see that too easily. Maybe I should be in the audience whenever you do a solo show from now on."

"Well, I won't complain." I'd just try and continue my 'avoid Bramsel like a rat with the plague' thing, though. Safer and _way_ better for my mental health. "You want to hug the bear? It's _super_ soft."

"Sure." Layla took it from me with a smile, wiggling its arms. "Now is this a 'borrow' like the mirror?"

"I think it's a 'borrow until I come back'." Whenever that was. But that did make me look to the table where the mirror rested. Ares hadn't asked for it back yet. "He's attached."

"Darn. It's cute." Her smile became sad. "Shame we didn't have anything like this growing up. Would've been nice."

"Yeah…" The closest thing we had were knotted rags we pretended were dolls. And that was after Layla and I had scrounged up the rags ourselves. "Well, that's just how life is, I guess. So..." I trailed off as I heard some sort of commotion. "What's that?" I hopped to my feet and peered out the window curiously, noting there were a lot of people in the courtyard suddenly. It took a few moments to recognize them as members of Ares's group. "Oh, they're back!" I immediately headed towards the door, but hesitated at it, thinking of how stupid it probably was. "Um…"

"Oh, go on!" Layla smiled encouragingly. "I'm sure Ares would love to see you."

"You think so?" I smiled, feeling strangely shy. "You want to come with?"

"No, I think I'm going to rest my feet and ankles a bit more." She flopped onto her back and tossed the bear into the air before catching it again. "And playing, since you monopolize it so."

"I did not!" I huffed and she laughed, kicking her feet in the air. "Okay, I'll be back soon."

I carefully shut the door behind me and was careful to walk, not skip or run or anything that suggested anticipation, to the courtyard. It was still completely packed. Lots of laughing and some already had alcohol out. Because, of course. A couple whistled when they saw me, and made some rude gestures, but I ignored them, hunting for Ares. But despite the fact that he normally stood out in a crowd, the black and gold did that, I… I couldn't see him. Where… where was he? He had to be here, right? He had to be. It wasn't like he just left, right? Sure, everyone leaves, but surely…

"Man, Javarro, you're getting old!" I heard someone laugh. I couldn't see them, but I could see Javarro. Barely. The crowd was large and constantly moving, like an animal writhing in pain, so I could only see half of his face. It was honestly a miracle I could hear them at all. "If not for Ares, you would've lost a chunk of your head!"

"Bah, I knew the kid would cover me," Javarro laughed, smirking. I felt cold and a little nauseous. "Always does."

"He took a pretty bad hit with this one, right?"

"He did. Reckless kid."

The crowd's noise surged, drowning out the conversation. Or maybe that was the roaring in my own ears. Ares took a bad hit? Was that why Ares wasn't here? Was he…? S-surely not. His reputation… but I had seen him get hurt protecting people. Protecting me. If it was for that, then maybe… and maybe that was the catch. Maybe _that_ was the price of him being so nice. It wasn't anything _he_ wanted, but the gods taking one of the few nice people away. It figured, right? And gods, I just wanted to slap that smirk right off Javarro's face! How could he smirk when Ares was hurt? Hurt protecting him?! That…!

I stormed away, keeping to the shadows to avoid attracting attention. I had to escape, because otherwise, I really would slap him. And then I'd be a lone woman in the middle of a crowd of rowdy men, some of whom were already drunk. Not the safest place to be. So, I stomped down the hall instead, venting my frustrations that way. And my hurt. Because of course this happened. Why wouldn't it happen? And sure, they just said a 'bad hit', but he wasn't in the courtyard. So, when you strung things together…

My feet stopped automatically and it took a couple of blinks to realize I was at Ares's room. After a moment of staring, I tried the doorknob and found it was open. So, I walked inside, on impulse. Just because. And found myself staring at a shirtless Ares. Again.

"Lene?" Ares called, paused mid-movement. Took a couple more blinks to process he'd been toweling his hair, probably a last drying before pulling on a shirt. "I don't recall hearing a knock. Was I that out of it?" I didn't answer. I just stared. Because he was right there. _Right there_. "Lene?"

"You…" I began, voice wobbling. Tears pricked my eyes and all that frustration and anger just bubbled up in the most childish of ways. "You big jerk!" I ran over and hugged him tightly, making him stumble. "Dummy!"

"I have no idea what is… wait, are you crying?" Ares, somewhere above me, sounded very awkward and frazzled. The towel he'd been holding hit the ground. "Lene?"

"I went to the entrance to see you, but you weren't there, and everyone was talking about how you were badly hurt or something and…!" And I was just weeping. Great 'welcome home'. I was totally the best at this sort of thing. No wonder people left. "You weren't there! So I thought…!" And now I was incoherent. Brilliant me.

"...I'm sorry. I didn't think anyone would be there to greet me, so I went to take a bath and get the blood off." He still sounded frazzled, and guilty. I struggled to get my crying under control. Easier than expected, after the initial wave. "Ah… what am I supposed to…?"

"Just stand there." I tightened my hug on him, as a means of reassuring me. Right here. He was right here. Perfectly alive. "You have no idea how to deal with hugs, huh?"

"Mercenary isn't exactly an affectionate job." His hands settled, gently, on my back. I took a few breaths to get those last bits of calm I needed. "I'm sorry for scaring you. I'm fine."

"Are you?" I pulled away, glad that I hadn't put on my makeup yet because otherwise, it would've been ruined by all the crying. And it meant I could safely wipe at my eyes. "They said it was a bad hit…" Though, now that I looked, all I saw were bruises. Nothing like what I feared. "Did they just mean it was bad for you or something? I mean…"

"I'm fine." He glanced to the side, not quite looking at me. "I got it healed."

"Oh. Right, duh, that's…" I looked away, now mortified. "Ugh… that makes so much sense." And then I became mortified for a completely different reason. "I totally just dug right into some of those bruises."

"No, you didn't." He said the words too quickly. I definitely had. "Are you okay, though?"

" _I'm_ fine." Just kicking myself for all sorts of stupidity and jumping to conclusions. Again. "Just got scared. That's all."

"Ah." Ares fell silent before laughing softly. "Been a while since someone worried about me like that."

"Really?"

"I'm not easy to kill." Again, he glanced to the side. This time, I thought he was looking at his sword, resting against the wall. "Never have been."

"Ah." I had… no idea how to reply to that. So, I changed the subject. "Oh, shoot, I need to get ready. Layla and I will be dancing after dinner tonight." I smiled up at him. "Should be a nice treat, yes? Bramsel was still sick when you left."

"Yeah, it's been a while, huh?" He smiled softly. "I'll be sure to be there, then."

"Great! See you then!" And I skipped out of the room, feeling ridiculous yet happy. And a bit panicky because damn it, Layla was right. I was falling for him.

Stupid to do so. He'd eventually leave. Mercenaries only stuck around for however long their contracts lasted. But I could hold onto the feelings for now, at least. It wasn't like feelings listened to logic.

* * *

I tried to 'deny' my feelings for a bit. Not because I wanted to not believe I had them or anything, but because I wanted to delay Layla's smug reaction. Of course, there was no hiding anything from her for long. Especially when she suspected something already.

"I knew it~!" she laughed, sprawled out on the bed. I sat at the table, brushing my hair, and pointedly trying to ignore her. I'd only begrudgingly told her anyway, because she'd threatened to tickle me. "Hahaha, I was right~!"

"You weren't right when you first brought it up!" I complained, sulking. I knew she'd have this exact reaction. "Don't you have a skin care thing to do?"

"Already done, obviously." She rolled her eyes, and I grimaced at how bad that attempt at a subject change was. "It's _super_ late, remember?"

"It is…" Bramsel had us dancing longer than usual, and while that did mean extra pay, it also threw off our 'schedule'. "Has Bramsel brought up the personal dancing thing again?"

"No, I think for now, the 'ignoring the implication' thing has dulled his… fire, shall we say?"

"More like ice water to the loins." I grinned when she snickered. "Let me know if that changes, okay?"

"Of course. You'll be in danger, just as much as me. Though…" Her eyes sparkled and I groaned. That subject change didn't work either. "You do have a knight in shining armor, now."

"He's a _mercenary_ , and he's not _mine_." I was just the idiot who fell in love with him. "There's no guarantee he'd save me."

"I think if someone braves getting crushed under rocks to keep you safe, you can count on them to keep you safe from people."

"His employer, though?" Even as I said the words, though, I could… Ares did believe in knightly tenants, even as he acknowledged they could be just plain stupid. It's possible he would punch his employer. Maybe. "Oh, whatever." Things like that were stupid to think about, really. "Anyway, he's definitely not mine."

"He _could_ be, though~!" Layla giggled, clearly having fun. She rolled onto her stomach and kicked the air a bit. "If you confessed."

"So not planning on that." What would be the point? He'd leave one of these days. Everyone did. And what would he see in me anyway? I was just the flaky dancer girl that always got into trouble and bothered him. "I'd like to keep some form of dignity."

"I'm not sure sobbing into his chest because you were so relieved he was alive counts as anything dignified." She grinned and I rolled my eyes, regretting telling Layla that part. "But that's assuming he's even 'in' to dignity."

"Layla!" I threw a ribbon at her, which fell woefully short of its target, and began braiding my hair to sleep. Honestly, we should've been asleep hours ago. But our nightly skin care always took a while, and then there was tending to our feet. So many things we couldn't neglect, and Bramsel keeping us longer than usual for his amusement… ugh… "Do I need to blow out the candles?"

"Do you mind?" She smiled sheepishly and flipped around to sit on the bed. "I think I want to keep weight off my ankles." Her eyes glittered with mischief, though. "Don't think you're getting out of this conversation. I have spent a very long time imagining it!"

"You've _imagined_ it?" I groaned, moving about the room to blow out candles. She just laughed. "Seriously?"

"Well, I had to do _something_ while on bedrest!"

"Like, I don't know, _rest_?"

"It's very relaxing!"

"Somehow, I doubt that." I rolled my eyes and blew out the last candle. "Whatever. Move over. You're not stealing all the blankets tonight."

"I _never_ steal blankets. Ever." Layla gasped dramatically, like she was offended. I rolled my eyes again, even though she couldn't see it. Or barely see it. We had some moonlight from the window, but that was about it. "A shame we don't have the bear anymore."

"Ares said that we can borrow it again next time he leaves for a mission." But, unlike the mirror, he'd requested the return the very next morning. The bear was a reminder of happier times, and he wanted to hold onto it. "Anyway, much as I know you want to tease, it _is_ late, so maybe hold off until…" I trailed off, feeling cold suddenly. My instincts were screaming. Something was wrong. Something was _wrong_. "Layla, head to the bathroom."

"Lene?"

"Just do it." It was a struggle to breathe. Last time I felt like this… "Please." It had been when the priests nearly kidnapped Layla.

"Lene, what's going-?" And the door slammed open, unknown people bursting in, proving me horribly right.

I'd been closest to the door, so whoever it was grabbed me first. I slammed my heel into their foot, jerked my head back to headbutt them, and generally just struggled as much as I could. Before long, I was able to bite them hard enough for them to yelp and jerk back, and I twisted free. Layla was struggling against her own assailant, throwing pillows in an attempt to just get some distance between them. I used the opening to grab the sword in the corner and clumsily unsheathed it. I… I didn't know how to fight. But I'd be damned if I let them take either of us without putting up one!

Still, I considered it very lucky that I managed to actually hit one of the attackers and buy time for Layla to escape to the bathroom. Unfortunately, though, drawing a weapon meant that the attackers did the same, meaning I couldn't escape quite as easily. I managed a couple of lucky dodges and hits, but they also scored some bad hits, namely on my arms and side. Blood soaked my nightgown as I struggled to simply retreat, wondering how I wasn't dead yet. I half-wondered if the sword had a protective barrier, but that was total nonsense. Well, I was sure it existed, but I doubted a dancer could afford an enchanted weapon, especially one like that!

"Lene!" Layla snagged the back of my nightgown and dragged me into the bathroom before shutting the door. She and I both shrieked when the door immediately splintered. "Why are they coming after _us_?" she asked, leaning against the door in a vain attempt to keep it shut. More splinters made me worried I'd just see her skewered. "We're just dancers. It's not like Bramsel would care if we died."

"He's probably going to be more annoyed by the blood," I muttered. I grabbed a couple of towels to wrap around my injuries and hunted through the room for _anything_ that could be used as a barricade. Sadly, it was just a bathroom. "Hey, people who are ruining the door, we're really not valuable hostages! And if you're just trying to kill everyone in the castle, then you're not some fancy liberators, you're just assholes!"

"I don't think they care." Layla flinched, and jumped away from the door. Blood oozed from a thin line across her stomach, caught by a sword that went straight through the wood. "Ha… well, not exactly how I imagined dying, but fairly close."

"At this point, I'm hoping it's killing us and not worse." I gripped the sword tightly, sincerely wondering if we should just get it over with. Just in case. "Layla, do you…?" A scream of pain cut me off, and Layla and I shared a stunned look because it was outside the door. "Uh… what just happened?"

"I… I don't know?" Layla hesitantly placed her ear against the door. "I don't hear anything anymore?" She knocked against the door. "Uh… did someone just save us?" Silence. "Hello?"

"Oh, you two hid in the bathroom." Ares's voice was a bit muffled thanks to the door. I couldn't help but smile in relief. Even if Layla smirked a little. "Are you two okay?" he asked. I tossed Layla a towel to press against her injury. "There's blood on the bed."

"That's because dancers don't make all that great of fighters," I replied, stumbling over and opening the door. And dazed me focused on one thing that was totally not important, but hey, distraction. "You sleep shirtless?" That was so not a mental image I needed right now.

"I'm going to assume you're just fine, based on the comment." His tone was dry, even as his expression was worried. "I would normally throw on a robe, but the attackers are very rude with their ambushing." He rested a hand on the bloody towel around my arm, but focused on my sword. "Didn't know you owned a weapon."

"I inherited it." I looked down, feeling both defensive and shy. And then sick because wow, there was a lot of blood and I was literally standing in a pool of it. By a corpse. "I'm suddenly very nauseous." And I finally registered the smell. Which made my stomach turn even more. I didn't even want to know what it was. Or why it seemed familiar. "Ugh…"

"Battles are never as clean as the stories like to say." Ares patted my shoulder and stepped back, gesturing for Layla and me to follow him. "Here, you should-"

A flicker of movement and one of the bodies actually leapt up, apparently not quite dead. I shrieked, jumping back automatically, and went cold when I saw the attacker managed a bad hit to Ares's side. Ares, however, just retaliated instantly, lopping off their head without a single wince or bit of hesitation. More blood flew everywhere. More of that horrible smell joined the rest. I had to cover my mouth to keep from being sick. Behind me, I heard Layla losing the fight with her own stomach, which made everything so much worse.

"Well, I got cocky on that one," Ares sighed, flicking the blood off his sword. His pitch black sword that I half-swore glowed or something. "I'm sorry. I should've made sure they were dead."

"N-never mind that!" I yelped, stumbling forward. Behind me, I heard Layla running some water, probably to rinse out her mouth. "Here, we should… um… should…" Panicking. I was panicking. This was not my thing. Battles were not my thing.

"Easy." Ares rested a hand on my shoulder. "Take some deep breaths. I'm fine."

"Don't lie! I literally saw…" But when I put my hand near the injury, I found… it was scabbed already. Hell, it was almost healed, really. The blood was there, still fresh, but… "How…?"

"...You two should probably move to a different room." Ares looked behind me. "Layla? Can you walk?"

"Yeah, I can," Layla said shakily, joining me by the door. And instantly turned green again, grimacing. "Okay, I'm used to blood, but not like this."

"It takes a few times before you get used to this sort of thing," Ares murmured. He glanced at the door. "Grab whatever you absolutely need for the night. You two can hide in my room. It's a little more defensible."

Ares was perfectly gentle and patient as Layla and I grabbed some things, mostly medicines and a change of clothes, though I also grabbed the mirror, thankful it hadn't been broken in the mess. He was also careful, scouting ahead and also helping us when we stumbled. As soon as we were at his room, though, he left us to join whatever fight was going on, telling us to make ourselves comfortable. I was instantly uneasy, but I didn't want to tell him that. He'd already saved us once, so asking him to stay would be… Besides, Ares's room had more things that could be used to barricade things. Or something.

"That was terrifying," Layla whispered, bandaging my injuries on the bed. Her voice was a bit raspy, and she winced as she talked. "I screamed too much."

"I imagine the vomiting didn't help," I murmured. As soon as we were inside, both Layla and I had thrown up. Multiple times. "Ares has a nice bath, though." We'd both taken multiple baths as well, desperate to get the blood off. And thrown our bloody clothes into the corner, to be dealt with _later_. Layla had already changed into a clean nightgown. I, stupidly, forgot to grab that with my change of clothes, so I just sat in my underwear for now. Not exactly how I imagined being in my underwear in Ares's room, but neither here nor there.

"He does." She tied off the last one and hugged me tightly. "I can't believe people voluntarily fight like that."

"Same." I leaned into her, closing my eyes. "Ha… I'm so..." I ached horribly. My injuries burned. I had scrubbed my skin raw trying to get the feeling of blood off of me. I had also felt… I had no idea. "You should get some sleep."

"I somehow doubt I'm going to sleep after that!" She pulled away to sulk at me. "If anything, you're the one who should sleep."

"I am way too awake." And I was. Even as bone-crushing exhaustion seeped into me, I felt jittery. "We'll do… oh, what's that camping thing? Watches?"

"So, I sleep first, and then you'll sleep?"

"Yeah. I don't want _both_ of us asleep." I shuddered, thinking about how lucky it was that we'd both been awake. If we'd been asleep… "So?"

"...Okay, so long as we take turns." Layla sighed and sprawled out on the bed. "Wake me when you get sleepy."

"I will."

To my intense amusement, Layla actually fell asleep pretty quickly. Probably everything catching up. I, however, remained jittery, so I got up to pace a bit, and even did a couple of basic dance moves, though the wounds made it difficult to do more. At some point, I decided I was tired of just walking about in my underwear, but that I also didn't want to sleep in the clothes I'd grabbed for tomorrow. So, after a moment of debating, I decided to just steal one of Ares's shirts to sleep in, because he said to make ourselves comfortable. And even if black looked horrible on me, I had to admit his shirt was _very_ comfortable. I felt even better when I found where he stashed his bear and hugged it to my chest.

"The worst part is that there was something _familiar_ about all of that," I whispered to myself, leaning against the window. Probably stupid, but the cool glass was comforting. "Something familiar about the smell. The blood…" If I closed my eyes, I thought I could hear screams. Smell smoke. Distant flickers of a memory, ingrained deep in my heart. Even if I couldn't truly remember it. But why would any of it be familiar? "Mom… Dad… what were you two doing? What are you doing now?" I wish I knew...

A quiet knock nearly made me scream, but I turned to see it was simply Ares coming back in, not saying a word as he moved about the room. He had some bruises and some scabbed wounds, but he also was surprisingly clean. It took a moment for me to see the damp hair and realize he'd washed up before returning. But then I was distracted by how slowly he moved, like he was carefully testing each muscle. And I thought of how much I ached. Even if he was used to it…

"Are you okay?" I asked softly. Ares glanced up at me, frowning slightly. "Too jittery to sleep, and I didn't want both of us asleep at the same time. Just in case."

"I figured that part," Ares replied. He continued frowning, setting his sword to the side. He must've cleaned it or something as it nearly shone in the darkness. "But is that my shirt?"

"...Yes?" I half-hid behind the bear, now embarrassed. "I forgot to grab a clean nightgown."

"Ah." He still looked confused, but shrugged and apparently decided to go with it. "We just got done with setting up patrols, and canvasing the castle. All attackers are either dead or are going to wish they are in a couple of hours."

"Wish they were?"

"Bramsel allows torture for interrogations." Ares grimaced. "As if that works."

"Should it matter if it works?" I felt nauseous again. Torture… it just seemed wrong. "I mean…"

"No, but the moral argument doesn't work with people like Bramsel." Okay, he had a point there. "I informed Bramsel that you and Layla were both attacked, so someone will be by to clean and fix your room in the morning."

"Thank you." I watched him walk to the dresser and pull out a couple of things. "What are you doing?"

"Grabbing a change of clothes. I'll stay in an empty guest room until your room is repaired."

"We can't steal your whole room!"

"I'm 'lending' you it." He smiled faintly, and I scowled, feeling aggravated. "Regardless, it should be safe to sleep. I did some of the patrols myself."

"That does make me feel better." Ares didn't seem like the type to shirk. "But Ares?"

"Yeah?" He draped the clothes over his arm and grabbed his sword's sheathe. "What is it?"

"You never answered my question." I made sure to look him right in the eye. "Are you okay? You look…" He looked like he was in pain. Every little wince, every careful movement… it all implied 'pain' to me.

"Nothing I'm not used to." He continued smiling, but I felt my heart hurt. "You should get some rest." He sheathed his sword and headed for the door. "I'll check on you in the morning."

"Ares…" I could only watch as he left and I sat on the bed, staring at the door. "I don't… want you to be used to pain, though…" It was pointless. The world just freaking hurt. But I still… "I really do want to help you." How did I do that, though? Regardless of the lovey-dovey feelings, he was… he was a friend. And I hated feeling like I was just 'taking' in a friendship.

But Ares never seemed to want anything. So, what was I supposed to do?

* * *

The weeks after the attack were tense. Security was upped significantly, and many of the mercenaries were sent out on daily patrols through the city. Ares, however, was often sent outside the city to deal with various 'bandits', leaving on almost a daily basis. I got in the habit of greeting him when he returned, mostly to reassure myself. Things always felt safer when I knew he was near. Probably because he'd saved me so many times. ...And because I was in love with him. It was more than a little embarrassing actually, especially since Layla would tease me relentlessly. But, at the same time, I didn't mind. Love really made you weird.

"Welcome back, Ares," I said, smiling warmly up at him as he dismounted. The first couple of times I'd done this, he'd given me a weird look, but now, he simply rolled his eyes and smiled back. "How many did you scare today with your glare of doom?"

"I haven't glared at anyone," Ares protested, shaking his head. He handed the reins of his horse to one of the stableboys, and returned his attention to me. "You exaggerate."

"Maybe just a little." I giggled, and glanced around. As usual, Javarro gave me a dirty look before scoffing and going about his business. He didn't seem to approve of Ares and me being friendly, for whatever reason. But he at least kept quiet. "Mind if we head in before your fellows start commenting on my fine ass and boobs again?"

"Probably a good idea." Ares glared when someone next to us opened their mouth, and they immediately 'eeped' and retreated. "Idiots."

"Come on, come on!" I took his arm and tugged him after me, ignoring the wolf-whistles and the like. Ares glared again over his shoulder. "Relax. I'm used to it. Dancer and all."

"They can still mind their damn manners." Ares rolled his eyes, but relaxed once we were safely in the castle. "So, what have you done today? Rest in your new room?"

"Yep!" Due to the extensive damage, and mess, Bramsel had just ordered us to move to a different room entirely. Fine by me, since the new room was different enough that I felt mildly safe in it. Ares helped us move our things. "Layla is checking over our outfits for tonight's dance." I looked up at him, studying his face, and sighed when I noticed something. "You're wincing."

"I'm fine."

"No, you're not." I rolled my eyes and poked his side. And gasped when he flinched. "Sorry!" But that just solidified my certainty. He was injured. "Let me treat it."

"It's not that bad."

"Let me treat it."

"Lene, it's really not that bad."

"Let. Me. Treat. It." I smiled brightly at him and he sighed and raised his free hand in surrender. "Excellent."

"Don't you need to check on things for your dancing?"

"Just told you that Layla is doing that for me." Or, rather, Layla had _insisted_ on it. To give me more time to spend with Ares. Because my very best friend did love teasing me ever-so-much. "You've medicine in your room, right?"

"Yes?"

"Perfect!"

Ares insisted on bathing first, probably a good idea anyway, so I actually left briefly to make sure Layla was okay. She was, and the mischief in her smile told me I wasn't going to hear the end of 'playing nurse to my crush' anytime soon. But that was for then. In the present, I was tending to Ares, a little happy at being able to actually help him with something, for once. With that said, I was actually startled because.. Well…

"I don't think I have ever seen you so injured before?" I whispered when I was almost done with cleaning his injuries. Ares sat stiffly on his bed next to me, moving only when I asked. He was really too injured to be moving. He had bruises, cuts, and gashes all over his torso and abdomen. "Well, maybe with wall. By the way, Bramsel is finally getting around to fixing that."

"Probably due to the attack reminding him the purpose walls serve," Ares grumbled. He shook his head and winced. He had a bruise at the base of his neck. "About time."

"I suppose he hoped to save some money." I dabbed a bit of bruise balm on that bruise before returning to cleaning the wound on his side. The one I accidentally agitated, and the last one I had to clean. "How did you get the bruise on your neck?"

"Someone tried stunning me." He rotated his right wrist, hinting it hurt too. "It didn't work."

"I see." Wounds successfully cleaned, I moved away briefly to get a towel to dry his hair a little more and then hunted for bandages. "I am so confused."

"About?"

"How injured you are." I found the bandages and sat next to him to bandage him up. "When we were attacked, I _saw_ you take a bad hit, yet the wound already scabbed over. Yet here, you've got…" I gestured to the various injuries. "But there's no weird fast healing thing?"

"That's…"

"And don't tell me I was imagining things." I scowled up at him. "I know what I saw."

"You're not imagining things, and I don't recall saying you were." Ares sighed. "I just didn't want to explain right then. That's all."

"Just so we're clear." I nudged his arm so that he'd lift it and I could better bandage him. "Do you want to now? Or should I wait?"

"I…" Ares fell silent, and I did as well, simply waiting for him to decide. I was fine with either. Just knowing there _was_ an explanation was enough. "You once asked about the mark on my back."

"I did." Strange subject change, but I'd go with it. "It's a pretty unusual tattoo."

"It's not a tattoo. It's a Mark." The way he said the word implied a capitalization. "A Holy Mark."

"Oh, that's…" I paused in bandaging, realizing just what he said. " _Oh_. That's…" I looked at it, wondering if that was why it had 'buzzed' before. "Fancy-smancy thing."

"Fancy-smancy thing, yes." He smiled slightly, in amusement, but there was something tired to it as well. "I have Holy Blood."

"And so, that heals you?" I frowned. "No, wait, that can't be right. You'd be healing now if that were the case."

"Right. The healing thing is because…" He looked to the side, at his sword. "Because of my sword. Mystletainn, the Demon Blade."

"Well, that's an ominous…" I trailed off, remembering the songs of the crusaders. Hezul with Demonic Blade… "That's an Holy Weapon."

"It is."

"Then that would mean…" I stared, dumbfounded. "You're a _Major_."

"I am." He smiled faintly. "Specifically, I am the Hezul Major."

"...I thought you said your…" Well, then again, all he ever said about his parents was...

"My mother was a noblewoman. My father was a knight of Agustria." He smiled sadly at me, expression somewhere between 'too hurt to cry' and 'wanting to sob'. "My father was the greatest of knights, the ideal all others strove for. Eldigan the Lionheart. And his best friend took advantage of his good nature and betrayed him." He relayed the story softly, and I winced as I thought of the songs in town. The tale of the Lionheart's fall… Ares had to listen to people make _songs_ about his father's death. "Thanks to his treachery, tt was dangerous to remain in Nordion after that, so Mother took me to Leonster, with her relatives. She died when Leonster fell. I didn't."

"Ares…"

"We had been running with some people, but she had to fall back because all the stress… it weakened her health. So, she couldn't run as much, tired more quickly. And then the ceiling collapsed, separating us from… whoever we were with." He related the story softly, distantly. His eyes were unfocused, and I wondered if he was 'seeing' that horrible day. "I think it was my aunt and uncle. It would make sense."

"What were their names?"

"I don't remember anymore." He focused on me, smile now bitter. "I remember my aunt had gold hair like mine, like Father's. I remember my uncle had blue hair, and was a Leonster Knight. But I can't remember their names. I'd honestly forget Father's if not for the fact that everyone really likes making songs of his end." He closed his eyes, still smiling bitterly. I winced again. "Mother said something about finding another way, and so, we ran down a different hallway. And then the wall went. She pushed me ahead, and all the rocks fell right on her."

"That's…" I thought of when the wall fell. How Ares had _immediately_ run to the child crying for their mother, and how Ares had cleared the rubble without pause and without help. "How long…?"

"She died instantly. Of course, I was five and barely understood death, so I tried to push the rocks off and help her out. But I was too weak." He opened his eyes and looked to his hand, laughing hollowly. "Hezul's strength comes gradually. Stronger than a normal five year old doesn't mean much to rocks. So, I sat there, calling for help. And, eventually, Javarro found me. Me, and Mystletainn."

"The Demon Blade."

"Called such because of its ability. It drinks the blood of its enemies and uses the lifeforce within to heal the wielder." He looked to me again, shaking his head. "So, that's what you saw. That was the difference between then and now. This time, I didn't have a chance to steal someone's life to fuel mine. Again." He smiled bitterly once more. "Quite the parasite, huh?"

"That's not…" Parasite? Honestly, Ares was the furthest thing from that. Though, I did wonder if his insistence on clinging to those more idealistic traits was a way to 'balance' Mystletainn. Then I wondered if it was a little boy's desperate attempt to hold onto his parents, parents he lost too quickly and too violently. "Does it hurt?"

"Pardon?" He frowned. "What are you…?"

"The healing? Does it hurt?" I tied off the bandages and made sure to look him right in the eye. His own widened, like he hadn't expected that. "Or is it just when you're first hit?"

"...No, it hurts. I still feel pain, and healing is… surprisingly painful." He looked to Mystletainn, resting innocently in the corner. "There's no convenient numbing. I feel the injury stitch itself back together."

"So, you're always in pain when you fight then?"

"No different from anyone else." He shrugged, unbothered. "I'm used to it."

"That's…" Impulsively, I hugged him, dragging him down a bit so that I could cradle him. It was a bit awkward, because he was so much bigger than me, but I think I managed well enough. Though, he did stiffen, startled. "I wish I could take the pain away. You're so nice."

"...I never know what to make of you." Slowly, he relaxed and I tightened my hug on him. "I really don't."

"Must be _so_ aggravating, getting confused by someone." I had to tease and he chuckled, acknowledging the little barb. "But I suppose that's fine. You learn because you get confused, right?"

"Yeah. I suppose so." He sighed and closed his eyes. "Do you mind if I rest a little?"

"Go ahead." I tried to not smile or blush. I didn't feel like either would be appropriate. "I'm not going anywhere."

We stayed like that for a while, just content in the silence. Then he thanked me, for the hug and the bandages, and I left to go get ready for the night's dance. I was extra determined tonight, because of what I'd heard. Because Ares liked my dancing. It reminded him of happier times. And that's why dancers like me were important. We brought a bit of color back to the world, even when it was a screwed up mess of a place. And that was important, no matter what anyone else thought.

* * *

The end of the year was always a chaotic time. Mostly because of the aptly named 'End of Year' festivities. Lots of parties, lots of family time… for Layla and me, it used to be our most lucrative event. Even now, we were being paid extra to dance on the big stage for it, which meant lots of extra practice. And a lot of fussing over what to wear.

"Okay, we need to simply pick one, stick with it, and then work from there," I growled, feeling horribly frantic and antsy. I even glared at the outfits spread out on the bed like my indecisiveness was all their fault. "Otherwise, we're never going to finalize things."

"The festival just started, so we still have a few more days before the show," Layla pointed out calmly. As if she wasn't weighing out options for bracelets at the moment with a similar feeling of 'ah, not enough time'. As in holding them in her hands and literally 'weighing' them. "And it's just another show."

"We've never been on the 'big stage' before, though." We'd always just put on shows on the street corners in the market. "Ugh… okay, here's a new thought." I turned to her. "We pick _one_ accessory that we just have to wear for it, and then we'll pick from there."

"Just one?" Layla looked pointedly at the table, completely covered in jewelry. Then at the closet door with was draped with all sorts of scarves. And _then_ at the desk where all of our hair stuff was. "Are you sure?"

"Yes." I paused. "Well, two. I'd like it if we wore our matching earrings."

"Oh, yes, we definitely need to!" She plucked them easily from the pile on the table and cleared a small space to keep them separated. "That limits it some already."

"Yeah." Of course, then there was picking the 'one'. Which should've been hard. But my eyes automatically went to the pink and white lace ribbon Ares bought me, and I picked it up with nary a second thought. "This one."

"That'll be easy to pick an outfit around." Layla giggled, though, smirking. "But that's the ribbon Ares bought you, yes?"

"...Maybe." I refused to admit it, even though it was damn obvious. "So, pink. Fine by me. Oh, there's that pink and gold outfit I just got…"

"That'll be good." Layla continued smirking. "You know; I heard that if you confess during the End of Year festivities, the gods will bless you and your union."

"That's silly! You made that up!" I had to cover my face to hide my blush, even as I hunted for the outfit I was thinking of. "B-besides, what would he see in me anyway?"

"A cute girl who always brings a smile to his face?" Layla hugged me from behind, resting her chin on my shoulder. "A sweet girl who worries over him?" She giggled, leaning on me. "Come on, Lene. Give it a chance, at least!"

"And if I make a fool of myself?"

"I'll handle the revenge part~!" She winked, skipping back. "That's what best friends are for, after all."

"...Maybe." I finally found the outfit and held up the bottom part, studying it. "Mmm… some red and gold maybe?"

"Don't change the subject!" Layla sighed gustily and leaned on my back again. "But yeah, go with the red scarf, but the gold jewelry with more blue gems for your earrings?"

"That'll really bring the selection down." I had to laugh. Probably the first time something related to Ares reduced my frustration. Well, not really, but it was still amusing. "Okay, so…" A knock on the door made both of us pause. "You expecting someone?"

"No?" Layla frowned and she held herself hesitantly. "Who is it?"

"It's Ares." Both of us relaxed as soon as we heard him. Certainly weren't in danger with him around. "Do you mind if I come in?" he asked. "I have that makeup you wanted me to get."

"Oh, perfect!" Layla cheered, rushing over to open the door. I hung back, feeling embarrassed. "Thanks so much for that. I hope you didn't get too many odd looks?"

"If I did, I didn't pay attention." Ares shrugged as he walked in with a basket full of things. And did a double-take at everything we had scattered about. "Planning on opening a stall?"

"We have lots of choices for the show, and we're slowly whittling it down." Layla took the basket and went over to the desk to set the things out. "Oh, you got us some balms as well?"

"I was passing by, so I figured it wouldn't hurt." Ares lingered in the doorway, still looking at everything. "I knew you two had a lot of things for your dancing, but I never realized how much."

"Maybe we should ask you to help us."

"I can already tell you that my reaction will be to smile and nod." He hesitated a bit and then looked at me. "That said, are you free, Lene?"

"Uh… well, mostly?" I replied automatically, startled. He'd never asked that before. "Why?"

"I was wondering if you'd mind riding with me," Ares explained, smiling slightly. I didn't even need to look to know Layla was practically vibrating with glee. "There's a place that I think you'd like."

"Ah, that does sound like fun." Even if I'd never ridden a horse before. "Though…"

"Oh, Lene, you don't have to stick around to help me!" Layla immediately 'reassured'. She was grinning like the cat that caught the pigeon, and she took the outfit from me. "I'm going to be debating so much anyway, and you've already got your outfit mostly settled." She nudged me towards the door and I had to resist the urge to groan. She was definitely enjoying this too much. "Go on!"

"We can go another day, if that'll work better," Ares offered. He frowned a bit in confusion, having no idea why Layla was acting like this. "I know you're busy and that this is important."

"I was _just_ arguing with her about how she should take a break, so this is perfect!" She had done no such thing! "You two have fun, okay~?" And she outright shoved me at Ares, clear out the door, and shut it behind us.

"Is… is she okay?" Ares looked totally dumbfounded, and I'd probably be the same if I weren't so exasperated. And mildly distracted because he'd automatically caught me, meaning I was wrapped up in a very protective and warm hug. "That was a little…"

"Layla's just enthusiastic because she 'won' the argument," I sighed, reluctantly stepping away from him. Still, I managed a smile for him. It wasn't hard. "So, quick warning, I've never actually ridden a horse before."

"I'd be surprised if you had, but it's honestly not too far," Ares reassured, looking at me with a faint smile. "That said, if you're busy…"

"There is no way Layla is letting me back in the room for _at least_ an hour." I clasped my arms behind my back. "So, shall we?"

Riding a horse was… it was a strange mix of 'oh, not as bad as I thought' and 'oh, god, this is so much worse'. The latter was because while I knew horses were big, there was a difference between standing by one and being on one and being _way_ off the ground. The former was because Ares continuously checked on how I was doing, and clearly knew what he was doing. However, even with that, there was a sense of nervousness as we left the city boundaries. I'd never stepped foot outside of Darna before. I'd always lived there. I probably always would. And I never thought about exploring the area around Darna. But maybe I should've because the oasis Ares brought me to was absolutely gorgeous.

"Wow…!" I breathed, giggling as I skipped along the edges of the blue-green water. I thought about running around the whole thing, but it was huge, so I decided against it. "Where did you find this?"

"Had to escort a couple of Loptyr priests a couple of weeks ago, and found this while I was waiting for them to stop complaining about the heat," Ares explained, loosely tying his horse to the branches of a tree. I didn't know what kind it was. Some sort of palm, perhaps? "I imagine it's prettier when more things are flowering."

"We'll have to come back to see that!" I spun and decided to splash a bit in the water. It was fascinating, seeing the water ripple out. I wondered how it got such a beautiful color. "I'm surprised that it's so empty considering…" I glanced back and pointed to where Darna was still within sight. "I mean…"

"Darna's got its own water supply, and it's farther than it looks, thanks to Darna being situated on a cliff." He shrugged. "I imagine this oasis served as a last stop when trading through the desert was common. Now, though..." He pointed north, up to the shadowy building just barely visible on the horizon, up on some distant cliffs. "The priests like keeping the desert empty. Probably to lessen the chances of someone finding their prisons."

"I imagine so." But that was too serious of a topic. This was a beautiful place. A fun place. I wanted to have fun. "So, Ares?"

"Hmm?"

"Have you thought of what you want?"

"What are you…? Oh, that." Ares sighed and I laughed. "Actually, yes, I did think of something."

"You did?" I grinned, bouncing a bit in excitement. The water splashed about my ankles, delightfully cool. "Well?"

"May I have a dance?"

"A dance?" I tried to not pout, because that seemed far too simple. "Shouldn't you be used to my dances by now?"

"They're too pretty to get 'used to'." He smiled slightly. "But that wasn't quite what I meant." He held out his hand, and I realized after a moment what he _did_ mean. "I can somewhat remember the balls in Leonster."

"Ha… well, it's not my normal dances, but I do know some. Mostly the versions at festivals, though." I took his hand with a smile, letting him pull me from the water. "So, is this a 'dance together' or me teaching you?"

"It's more of the latter, I'm afraid. I'm going _entirely_ off a very old memory." His smile grew, and he laughed softly. "So, this will be secret."

"Can't let anyone know that the big bad Black Knight has a weakness, huh?" I giggled, delighted. "Okay, let's start first with posture and position."

Ares wasn't kidding when he said it would be 'teaching' him. He had some sense of grace and rhythm, possibly due to battling, but he did struggle with remembering where to put his feet. He actually nearly tripped and fell in the water at one point, to my amusement. But he kept on smiling, and I kept on laughing as we slowly, if awkwardly, danced together by the oasis. There was something rather magical about the moment, really. I was sad when I noticed the sun setting because that meant we had to stop.

"Well, I think we got you to 'respectable'," I teased, giggling. Ares rolled his eyes, but smiled still. "Bit more practice and maybe Layla and I will drag you into a show."

"Please no," Ares instantly retorted. I simply laughed. "My thanks for being a wonderful teacher, however." He bowed respectfully to me, and went to get his horse. Who had been very well behaved, probably because of the easy access to water and vegetation. "We should head back, though."

"Yeah…" I sighed, not really wanting to. I was still bubbly and giddy. "We should do this again."

"We should." Ares smiled kindly and brought his horse over. "Here, I'll help you up again."

"Thank you." However, an impulse, born from how giddy I was, overcame me, so when Ares reached over to help me, I leaned up and kissed his cheek. Right by his mouth. "Ah…" And I blushed horribly when I realized just what I did. "Um…" Made all the worse by how he stilled. Way to go me, making things awkward shortly before I had to ride back with him. "Er…" And this became more and more awkward the longer he didn't react. "So… um…"

"Okay, that happened." Ares sounded perfectly calm, looked it too, and irritation nearly flooded me, even as my face burned from mortification. "That definitely happened."

"Yes, we don't need a commentary of me making a fool of myself." I looked down, tears pricking my eyes. I'd _known_ it was pointless. Curse that damn impulse. "So, anyway, I-"

"Lene." He gently tipped my face up and leaned in, brushing his nose against mine. My thoughts stilled. "May I kiss you?"

"Eh?" So close. Couldn't think.

"May I kiss you?" He was smirking. I knew he was. "Please?"

"...Yes…" I closed my eyes and smiled as he kissed me gentle, if a bit hesitantly. But it was sweet. Sweet… and mine. "I love you."

"I love you as well." He smiled softly at me. "We'll make it work."

"We'll certainly try!" I wasn't so certain it would. He was a mercenary. He'd leave one day, more than likely. But, at the same time, I couldn't help but take that leap of faith anyway. Ares kept on surprising me, after all. Maybe… just maybe… he'd surprise me again. "For now, I'd like another kiss, please."

"Of course."

We kissed quite a few more times before riding back to the castle, laughing and basking in the glow of a successful confession. Like we were simple young adults living in a simple world, and not… well, not what we actually were. I was probably the stupidest girl in the world, taking this chance. But, for the moment, I was also the happiest. It would be enough, for now.

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Note: So, have a Lene POV, detailing her meeting and falling in love with Ares. Funnily enough, I had this oneshot planned before the banner in Heroes introduced them. Bit longer than the previous ones, but it also covers about a year's worth of time. There's no real mention of how long Ares and Lene have known each other prior to the start of Gen2, so I picked this at random, where they met early in 778 and started dating towards the end of that same year. (Reminder, _Memoirs of the Holy War_ has Gen2 start in 779.)
> 
> Layla is actually Lene's substitute char, and I thought it would be fun if the two a) both existed and b) were friends. The mentions of Layla being 'charming' is because Layla's lone skill is the charm/charisma skill. Lene being better at combat is because, due to Holy Blood and the like, she has better stats and better survivability (hello, Miracle). No, we're not going into 'which one is better' discussion. Please don't bring it up. I don't care.
> 
> The mention of make-up, the importance of keeping up appearances, and how a dancer was supposed to bring 'color' to the world (and give energy to them) all come from Lene's various dialogues in Heroes. The earrings and ribbon mentioned in story are based off of Lene's art in Heroes. The injuries are because it is _damn_ common for dancers to injure themselves, and it is very physically taxing (a friend of mine actually had to stop dancing because of the damage to her feet). Lene wondering about her stamina is because she is unaware of her Holy Blood (and her Mark faded/hidden is similar to Yuria/Julia's in _Memoirs of the Holy War_ ). However, as a Major Bragi, she's got a large resistance growth (65%, the highest any second gen char can have), which is partly why she was able to endure a Loptyrian Priest's spell in the past.
> 
> The sword mentioned is the… well, I suppose it's officially the 'Safeguard' sword thanks to Heroes (but we'll see how consistent that remains), but it's also known as the 'Defense Sword'. It's a special sword that gives a +7 to the wielder's defense stat, and can only be obtained by Sylvia via a special event in Game-Chapter 4 (she has to visit a certain village). Lene will often inherit it from Sylvia (probably why Heroes gave it to her). Lene's backstory of being abandoned by Sylvia is directly from the game, though there's no indication in game that she remembers any other member of her family.
> 
> Javarro finding Ares in the aftermath of the Fall of Leonster is canon, as is Grahnye dying during said fall (though, iirc, there's no mention on how she died). Mystletainn having the runesword/earth sword ability is something from the patches, not the main game, added to the story to give a reason for why it's called the Demon Sword as it is in canon. Heroes notes that Ares has spent most of his life on the battlefield and, thus, is uncomfortable in more luxurious settings. Him valuing the ideals of knighthood even after being a mercenary for so long comes from a Castle Line in Heroes, where he happily mentions that his father is exactly as his mother described him: the ideal knight. Just like in-game, Ares has _no_ idea the true circumstances behind Eldigan's death, and only really knows about it via the songs and tales.


	4. Tailtiu - Gran 768

Tailtiu - Gran 768

* * *

I hurt. Not that it was a surprise. I always hurt. From the hole in my spirit where they'd ripped out my heart. If not for Tine, I wouldn't have even bothered clinging to the little tiny bits left behind. But I had to protect Tine. I had to. I'd die doing it, I knew, but I had to anyway. Though, at the moment, I just had to hold her. She was asleep beside me, napping so sweetly and serenely. I could see Azel in her so clearly. He wore the same dopey look when he slept, always had really. I'd tease him about it every morning; he'd counter with how I'd talk in my sleep. It had been a quiet, rough life in Silesse, particularly when the castle fell and we were separated from everyone. But it had been happy. _We_ had been happy. And then my bro… Bloom's people arrived. Kidnapped me, kidnapped Tine. Did who the hell knew what to Azel and Arthur. Probably killed them. And if not, then me keeping silent was the best way to protect them. Because gods knew that no one around _here_ was going to.

She had thought about it, going to Arvis for some sort of sanctuary. But she'd laughed at her own idiocy. Trusting Arvis? Again? Please. That was what landed them in this situation in the first place. They trusted him, they put down their weapons, and he massacred us. 'Battle of Belhalla', it was dubbed, as if we got to fight back at all. Fucking _Travant_ gave Quan and Ethlyn more of a chance, and when you were worse than Travant, you knew you were on the wrong side of morality. So, no, I wouldn't make that mistake again.

And then there was Deirdre… sorry, _Diadora_. 'Treacherous bitch' was way more accurate of a name for her. Standing to the side while Arvis incinerated Sigurd. Watching the soldiers slaughter us left and right. Granted, I didn't really know her well. I'd joined Sigurd's forces _after_ Deirdre had been 'kidnapped', or whatever the hell actually happened that day. But even after so many years, I remembered Ayra's broken-hearted expression when she saw Deirdre. I remembered Lex's gasp of disbelief. I remembered Lewyn stumbling back in shock. I remembered Erinys crying from pain. And I remembered watching Sigurd just _shatter_ , right before he cursed Arvis and was reduced to less than ash. So even if I _personally_ wasn't affected, I knew better than to trust her. She'd probably just play the sweet girl again while setting me up.

It would've been different if Alicia were still alive. If she was, then I would've run to her in a heartbeat, less than one even. But I hadn't been that lucky. By the time Bloom's soldiers dropped Tine and me off here in Alster, Alicia had died. And I thought about trying to escape, but where would I go? South to Thracia? No way. They'd probably kill Tine and me on sight like the damn hyenas they were. North to the Yied? Not with Tine. Tine was much too small to survive Yied. And hiding out in the Manster District… well, I supposed it was _possible_ , except she knew Bloom would hunt for her. She knew Bloom wouldn't dare let her go. Just look at all the people going after Leif. On the sly, of course. Didn't want people to _know_ that little Leif had survived. I wondered if Finn was still alive. I wondered if he knew what had happened.

Perhaps because she sensed my dark thoughts, Tine began whimpering in her sleep. I kissed her forehead and hugged her a little closer, even though the bruises on my back throbbed in protest. Hilda had been particularly brutal today. For whatever reason, Bloom was late from returning from Belhalla with Ishtar, and that made Hilda cranky. Probably because it showed Bloom wasn't completely under her thumb, and neither was Ishtar. I now understood why Hilda had always made me so damn uneasy in the past. She hadn't loved Bloom at all. She had just pretended, for the prestige of being married to a powerful lord. I was pretty certain Bloom had figured that out too, and I supposed some part of me felt sorry for him. The rest laughed because it served him right.

"Aunt Tailiu! Tine!" The door to my bedroom burst open, startling Tine awake and making me swing up. However, it was only Ishtar, beaming at us. "We're back!" she announced, rushing over and climbing onto the bed with us to hug me tightly. Though she accidentally dug into the bruises and lacerations Hilda had left, I simply hugged her back. No point in worrying her, after all. I just feared for the day Hilda turned her abuses on her and Ishtore, just as she tried to do to Tine. "Sorry we're late."

"It's fine, Ishtar," I replied, doing my best to smile. It was tired and sad, not really a smile at all. I just couldn't manage it anymore. I could imagine, so easily, Lex teasing me about it. I could imagine Aideen fussing over me. I could imagine Sigurd reassuring me that everything would be well. But how could it, now? "What happened?"

"Conall nearly died!" Ishtar pulled Tine into a hug, tucking her under her chin. Tine blinked around before yawning and just going right back to sleep. While Ishtar was here, Hilda wouldn't do anything to us. "It was awful!"

"Really?" My heart stopped briefly, terrified. Conall… sweet baby Conall who always smiled at her… my precious nephew, Alicia and Chulainn's son… I hadn't really heard _how_ he ended up in Belhalla, but I assumed that it involved kidnapping and trickery. Because Aida and Arvis. Thrud smite them both. "What happened?"

"There were these scary people. They set fire to everything and tried to hurt us. Conall punched them when they did and we ran. But we got into a dead end, so we tried to climb, and Conall got hit…!" Ishtar talked very fast. As fast as I used to, truthfully. "Then he wouldn't wake up! But eventually, he did. I'm going to prank him to get him back for how much he worried me."

"Scary people, huh?" I wondered if that meant assassins. If so, they really shouldn't have gone after the children. They should've just focused on Arvis, 'Diadora', and Bloom. Though, I did have to admit that I wished something had ripped their hearts to pieces. Just like mine. Just like all of ours. Because gods knew that if anyone deserved such a fate, it was those three. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine. Better now that I'm back here with you and Tine." Ishtar beamed, and I softened. Somehow, Ishtar maintained her sweetness, despite being raised by Bloom and Hilda. I swore it had to be Alicia's influence. Because there was no damn way anyone here in Alster or there in Belhalla knew about 'sweetness'. "I missed you both lots!"

"We missed you too, Ishtar." And not just because Hilda held back the worst of the beatings while Ishtar was here. Ishtar was an honest delight, and I knew that _if_ I somehow escaped, I'd have to take her with me. Her and Ishtore both. Which was another reason why I couldn't run because there was no way I could manage that. "Well, besides that, did you have fun?"

"I had fun until that point, yeah!" She giggled and squeezed Tine tighter. Tine mumbled in her sleep, but didn't wake. "I brought gifts, but they're still in my bags. I'll bring them later."

"That's sweet of you." I ruffled her hair. "So, tell me. Did you pull any good pranks?"

"Well, of _course_!"

Ishtar immediately began babbling about everything she had done in Belhalla, from her boring lessons to her exciting pranks. While she chattered, I glanced up at the door, wondering if she'd remembered to close it. She hadn't, and so, I saw Bloom watching us with no expression at all. When his eyes darted to mine, I glared at him balefully, with all the hatred and rage I still had. I might no longer have the strength to _act_ on it anymore, but I could still express it.

I hurt. This wasn't a surprise. I always hurt. And I knew, unfortunately, that one day, Hilda would kill me during her beatings. But what strength I still had? I'd use it to protect Tine and Ishtar and Ishtore. I'd protect them until my dying breath. Always.

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Notes: So, timeline, this is 2 years after Alicia's death, 2 years after Conall was captured and taken to Belhalla, and 2 years since Tailtiu and Tine were kidnapped and taken to Alster (a lot happened that year). It's also about 7 years after the Battle of Belhalla. It takes place shortly after Chapter 2 in _Memoirs of Belhalla_. Age wise, Ishtar is 8 years old, while Tine is 5. I'd have to check my timeline/math, but I think Tailtiu is 28 (which… actually, I think that's the age Alicia was when she died. Huh.)
> 
> Anyway, I thought about having Tailtiu be more melancholic, but I thought focusing on her anger made for a more interesting story (and an easier read). I also needed certain things to remain intact for story and characterization purposes (namely that Tine grew up with Bloom and Hilda), and wanted to show just why Tailtiu wouldn't, say, seek asylum with Arvis. Or try to leave. Enjoy?


	5. Aideen - Gran 779

Aideen - Gran 779

* * *

It was only through long years of training that I didn't break down sobbing. Lana and Larcei were almost captured, but Creidne played bait to protect them. And she suffered horribly. Not even just the bruises. From what I gathered, that… that general and his rabble had taken turns. So now, I had Creidne on the bed, sobbing and screaming, while I tried to make her all the medicines I could think of to help. I was on the edge of panicking, really, but I kept my hands steady. I imagined Alicia's gentle chiding to help me through it; she had always been almost _too_ good at wearing the 'healer's mask'.

I glanced up briefly to survey the room, and winced when I caught the tail-end of a glare from Larcei. She was angry at me. Lana was angry at me. Seliph, Lester, Diarmuid, Ulster… they were all angry at me. Riona probably was too, but she wasn't paying any attention to me. While everyone else screamed and sobbed, and while I worked, she knelt by Creidne's bed, holding her hand and smiling with constant reassurances as Creidne slowly realized that she truly was safe.

I knew why they were angry. And they had every right to _be_ angry. They had wanted to chase after Creidne. They had wanted to save her, instead of waiting as they always did. Waiting for Shanan and his group to rescue her. They had wanted to fight. And I had refused. I had even threatened to lock them in the house if they tried. Harsh, I knew. More than harsh, even. They had just wanted to save their friend. They had just wanted to be there for her. They were tired of being protected, tired of others being hurt so cruelly while they were safe. I understood all of that. I did.

But I had still put my foot down, because that was how this all started for Sigurd and our army. I had, stupidly, been kidnapped and Sigurd accidentally sparked a war while trying to rescue me from a horrible fate. And that was how it all began. That was how Sigurd had been tricked into conquering half the continent for Arvis's Empire, and that was what led to Sigurd dying so horribly. To Midir dying so horribly. To everyone… it was all my fault. If I hadn't been captured that day, if I had listened to Midir and run when I could, then it wouldn't have happened.

I knew that the children (really, young adults) would have to fight, one day. I knew there was no stopping them. While Oifeye and I had done our best, everyone else bore their expectations into them, and they felt it keenly. And now? Now, one of their friends had been among the suffering. So, I knew that soon, they would fight. But it had to be different. It had to be. If it was different, then hopefully the end of their journey would be different. Hopefully, they would win and survive. Hopefully… hopefully…

Even with such chaotic thoughts, I continued making the medicines and as soon as they were done, I administered them to Creidne, who finally fell into a peaceful sleep. Riona, Lana, and Larcei all stayed with her, so I left to tell her family, to tell the people of Tirnanog, that Creidne would be fine. Physically. Mentally, I was worried, but that would be for later. That would be for the days to come. However, that weight fell on me hard and I stumbled in the hallway, leaning against the wall as I struggled to get my own 'healer's mask' back 'on'. I couldn't break down in tears yet. Not when I was still needed as the healer. Not when I…

Something cold and wet pressed against my hand, which followed quickly by a distinct lick. That told me it was Riona's Hestia before I even looked down to confirm it. Mottled-grey just like Riona's toy, she hadn't exactly been my 'favorite' addition to the family at first. She was a lot of work, and was constantly getting into things. But it was during moments like this where I appreciated her. Hestia just _knew_ when something was wrong, and had no qualms about being a comfort animal. And she also seemed to instinctively know what to do, like when Creidne first came home hours earlier, and she had blocked the men from her, realizing why Creidne kept screaming long before the rest of us.

"Sometimes, I wonder if Alicia sent you to help us out," I whispered, sitting down on the ground so that I could pet her. Hestia immediately leaned against me, so I just hugged her and slowly let myself relax. "Or that you _are_ Alicia, truthfully, but I can't imagine Alicia being very happy as a wolf, and you're a very happy girl." It was also hard to imagine Alicia 'sending' a wolf, truthfully. I remembered how frantic she'd get whenever the topic came up. But perhaps it was Chulainn who had insisted on a wolf, knowing how much Riona would love her and how Riona wouldn't be able to resist. Knowing that we'd keep her, and have the perfect comforter, no matter how badly things went. "Thank you, Hestia." Sighing, I stood up and petted her head before brushing off the worst of the fur. Hestia shed. A lot. "Why don't you go to the girls? I'm sure they need your hugs."

Hestia tilted her head and jumped up briefly to lick my face before trotting down the hall and into the room where Creidne rested and the girls stayed beside her. I smiled and took a deep breath before nodding and continuing on to the main room, where everyone waited for a verdict. That was another reason why I thought Hestia was a gift from Alicia. No matter how badly I felt, or how much my resolved waver, a brief moment with her helped me recover, much like how Alicia, Sigurd, or Midir could help me recover.

For now, though, I had my jobs. I was the main healer for Tirnanog, and I was the 'mother' of a group of very varied children who were all very angry at the pain their friend suffered. I had to deal with both, and I would with a smile. Because it was the only way I could deal with my guilt at starting Sigurd's path to his death.

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's notes: So, this is set very shortly before the start of Gen 2 in _Memoirs of the Holy War_ (Chapter 30, Tirnanog), in the aftermath of Creidne's rescue. I wanted to focus a bit on Aideen's guilt over triggering the events of the First Gen (seriously, if she hadn't been kidnapped, we wouldn't have had the game), as well as detail that aftermath a little bit more (since it had such a big effect on the children). (I'll probably do another one later where she's more of 'being the mom', but I wanted the focus solely on her for this little snippet.)


	6. Lachesis - Gran 765

Lachesis - Gran 765

* * *

Back when we lived in Agusty, Ayra insisted on learning how to cook, possibly because of how Shanan once nearly starved. I decided to join her on a whim, and it had been great fun. Deirdre had taught us, since the only other person with cooking experience was Alicia, and we were _not_ cutting into her free time (or, more importantly, the time she and Chulainn used to awkwardly and adorably flirt with one another). Those days had been fun, and were even more fun with Deirdre had brought Seliph into the kitchen too. Nowadays, I remembered the lessons with a certain bittersweetness. After all, Deirdre had betrayed us. She'd married another man, and stood to the side while we all burned. While Sigurd, her _real_ husband, the father of her abandoned firstborn, was turned to ash. Some days, I wished I had the energy to be madder about it, but it was just one more wound to my shredded heart. And those lessons were useful. It meant that Finn didn't have to do _all_ the cooking.

"Ah, how am I going to make this last?" I whispered, eyeing the food we had warily. While we had done what we could, being constantly on the run from Bloom's forces meant that it was difficult to hold onto money. Even worse was that we couldn't just sell random jewels or whatnot. For one thing, no one _had_ the money to buy them. For another, it was dangerous to show so much wealth, especially here in Alster, since Bloom liked staying here. "Has this always been 'normal' for people?" I could say one thing about all of this. It really highlighted how much of a spoilt brat I was. And I could understand a bit better why Alicia had always protested presents. She had once lived a life… well, she'd probably been better off than we were now. But still.

"Your face is scrunched up." Warm arms pulled me in a hug, and I couldn't help but smile as I half-turned to see Finn behind me, leaning against my back. "Is everything all right?" he asked softly, smiling slightly. It was smaller than his used-to-be-normal smiles, but after Leonster's fall, it had become hard for him to emote. Like his mind _had_ to block off parts in order to make it through everything. If he broke down, he wouldn't be able to gather the pieces. And I understood, because in many ways, I was the same. "Did something spoil too soon?"

"Gods, I hope not." I sighed and looked back to the food. "No, I'm just fretting that we have to make this food last three more days." And the amount of food we had… well, at the risk of sounding even more like a spoilt brat, I'd eaten less for a _single_ meal before. "That's all." I frowned. "Though, now I'm worried." Just a few months ago, there was this 'trader' who sold a bunch of meat which was devoured by maggots within days. Thankfully, I had chosen against buying some, but it had been a near thing. "Um…"

"Relax, they're fine." He tightened his hug on me and rested his chin on my shoulder. "Ah, but I was just noticing I'd put on a little weight. I'll skip dinner tonight."

"Finn, that's a damn lie and you know it." Finn was almost unhealthily thin. 'Whipcord and bone', I'd heard someone describe him, once. "And not eating is a poor way to lose weight anyway. Can't you hear Alicia scolding you?" I mostly could. I remembered being unable to eat after Eldie died. She'd let me, but kept a close eye on my health. "Oh, fine, fine. We'll both skip dinner." If we did that, then I was sure I could make it last. Leif and Nanna didn't eat _that_ much, being little still.

"Lachesis…"

"Nope. You're not the only one making sacrifices in this family, mister." I turned fully this time so that I could face him, and poked his chest. "You know very well that I dislike one-sided protection anyway."

"Well, when it involves you." He chuckled and leaned down to kiss me. Both of us might've changed a lot over the years, thanks to everything that had happened, but his kisses were always the same. Warm, sweet, and _mine_. Which I was very happy with. "Selfina is going to be mad at us."

"Yep." Selfina _hated_ when we skipped meals. Dorias would always get sad. "Glade is probably going to try and sneak us food too."

"More than likely." Finn smiled, though. "If the weather holds, I think I'll look for medicinal herbs to sell. That'll help our budget."

"That's quite true." Thank everything for Alicia, Aideen, and Claude for essentially teaching everyone how to identify herbs and make medicines. We saved a lot just from not having to buy every bit of medicine we needed. "If no one needs me at the tailor, I think I'll join you. We can make it a family day."

"Been a while since we could do that." He gently touched my cheek, studying my expression carefully. "I suppose the rumors we've been hearing haven't helped with your worrying and your 'I am going to just push through' mentality."

"...No, it's not." I sighed and leaned forward to rest my head again him. Rumors have been slowly meandering their way down from Isaach, speaking of vicious assaults from 'bandits' and the like. Which made me worry for the group that went to Isaach. Oifeye, Aideen, Shanan… Diarmuid… the other children… were they safe? Would they be okay? And then thoughts like that reminded me (not that I ever really _forgot_ ) that I had no idea where Ares and Grahnye were. We had been separated during the attack on Leonster, and while we had waited as long as we could… did they hate me? Did they hate me now? Were they even _alive_ to hate me? All those questions bounced through my skull, leaving less space for ideas of how to solve my present predicaments. Like food. "Has the worry been making my face wrinkle or something?"

"Mmm…" Finn continued studying my face, taking the question 'seriously'. It made me laugh, which he knew it would. "Not that I see. Not that it would matter. You're as beautiful as ever, and always will be."

"Flatterer." I smiled briefly before looking down. "Some days, though, I wonder if we should go to Isaach."

"Leif and Nanna are too young for Yied." The words were quick, and a touch hard. I knew why, though, because it was for that very reason I hadn't insisted on it earlier. They were too young, and things were too dangerous. Especially for two mounted fighters that the Empire very much wanted dead. Quan, Ethlyn, and Altena's deaths… as well as the deaths of all their knights… proved _that_ all too well. "I understand, of course, but…"

"There's no point in us trying to reunite with that group if we get ourselves killed in the attempt." I looked back up at him and smiled sadly. "Though, I do wish you could meet Diarmuid."

"I do as well." He smiled slightly in return, somewhere between 'wry' and 'bitter'. I knew well how much he wanted to see Diarmuid. Living to see that day was one of the things that kept him going, kept _us_ going. "I have faith in them, though." He tilted his head suddenly and looked down the hall where the bedroom was. "I think naptime is over."

Finn proved right. Leif and Nanna soon stumbled out of the single bedroom we all shared, laughing and giggling all the while. Finn let go of me to go hug them, and I smiled fondly as Nanna immediately leapt for him and he caught her easily, swinging her up and around before pulling her close. Despite Finn's worries, and despite us having to be on the run so much, I'd been proven right. Finn was an _excellent_ father. He continued to worry, of course, but that's just how he was. It wasn't like I didn't worry about being a good mother.

"Lachesis?" Leif, however, walked over to me and I knelt down to hug him. "Morning!" he chirped, grinning up at me. I chose against telling him that it was 'afternoon'. "Can we play?"

"I am, sadly, busy at the moment, but I'm sure Finn can play," I told him, kissing his forehead. He sulked a bit, but nodded and gave me another hug before running to tackle Finn's legs with a laugh. Finn yelped and barely kept his balance, while Nanna laughed and laughed, thinking that this was another game. "Oh dear." I thought about helping, but then turned back to the food to begin making Leif and Nanna a meal. My stomach grumbled bitterly, but I ignored it. This was not the first time Finn and I had skipped meals so that the children wouldn't be hungry. And it wouldn't be the last.

Still, despite the hardships, our little family was filled with laughter and warmth. Considering everything… well, I knew better than to ask for more.

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's note: So, this is about three years after Leonster fell, four years after the Belhalla Massacre, so Leif is around five years old, while Nanna is three. Based on the Illustrated Works timeline, the group is in Alster until later this same year. (After that, they stay in Frest until 768, and then in Tahra until 771. It's about two years after that they end up in Fiana. While I'll probably be adjusting the years, I'll refer to this timeline the most for convenience.) Since they're in Alster, this means that Selfina, Glade, and Dorias are still with them, but for convenience, and to keep the focus on the family here, they're in a different house.


	7. Bloom - Gran 770

Bloom - Gran 770

* * *

Laughter was so unexpected a sound nowadays that when it startled me from my thoughts, I had to pause and remember what it even was. Curious, I stood up from my desk and headed to the window, the ache in my neck and back telling me I should've taken a break much earlier. Typically, I'd ignore such 'warnings', since it was _my_ body and _I_ commanded it, but I did decide to 'listen' when I saw the source of the laughter. In the gardens, the children were playing and I couldn't help but be delighted.

It had been a few months since Tailtiu died, and at her funeral, Ishtar had requested Prince Conall come visit us here. Empress Diadora and Emperor Arvis approved, and I would have to remember to thank them for it. Prince Conall brought _much_ needed cheer to the quiet walls of Alster Castle. It was like gentle sunlight after a fierce storm, and though I was of Thrud, I could admit that the sunshine was welcome. It had been a while since I had seen such bright smiles on Ishtar and Ishtore's faces, and I had _never_ seen Tine smile so happily.

"Her smile is like Tailtiu's," I whispered, the thought coming almost unbidden. Tine took mostly after Tailtiu, or so I thought, but her smile really showed the similarities. Though, Tailtiu would've never let herself be carried, as Tine let Prince Conall carry her. I wasn't exactly sure what game the four of them were playing, under Reinhardt's 'protective' supervision as always, but it apparently involved Prince Conall carrying Tine on his back while Ishtore ran around and Ishtar tried to get Reinhardt to join in on the fun. "Tailtiu… I…"

Despite the happiness outside, the guilt flooded me again and I leaned against the window, digging my fingers against the cool glass to keep from digging my nails in my palms and bloodying of them again. None of this was supposed to happen. When I sent people looking for her four or five years ago, I had given them specific instructions. 'Do _not_ bring her back.' Things would be complicated if she was brought back, being a 'traitor' and all. I had just wanted to make sure she was alive and safe. That was all. She was my precious little sister, regardless of her loyalties or whatever. I wanted to know if she was safe, if she was happy. That was all. But the soldiers… they had… misunderstood and… and…

(No, that's a lie, and I knew it. I knew they didn't misunderstand, even as I desperately tried to deny it. No, they had been given different orders without my knowledge, and had followed them instead because they were the more recent ones. And there was only one person that they would believe such a change from… but I…)

"Ugh… what is with that racket?" Hilda strode into my study without knocking, as if she owned the place. Once, I had found such confidence endearing and attractive. Nowadays, it grated my nerves. "Do you know where Ishtar and Ishtore are, dear?" she asked, saying the endearment easily. But I was certain it was only part of the act now. "They were not there to greet me."

"They're outside playing, as children are wont to do," I replied, gesturing to the window so that she could see for herself. She scowled when she peered out, frowning. "You should have told me you were returning from Miletos. I would've made sure they were there."

"Tch…" Her scowl deepened, and I had to resist rolling my eyes. I knew why she hadn't sent word. She expected us to drop everything to tend to _her_. "Why are they in black?"

"It is still mourning." I wore black as well, and would for a long while. I wasn't sure if I'd wear some sort of black for now on, as Emperor Arvis did for his siblings, but… "Black is a mourning color."

"For a _traitor_?" She scoffed, and I had to close my eyes to keep my temper from sparking. Sometimes, I wondered if she purposely tried to get me to lose it, so that she could play the 'victim' when I lashed. "Surely such a vile thing shouldn't be treated with such respect."

"The Emperor would be upset if we cut our mourning short." It was one of the many reasons why I was loyal to Emperor Arvis, would _always_ be loyal to him. Not only did he give me a chance to reclaim Friege's honor after what my father did, but he loved and cherished my siblings and understood why some things were just _hard_. It pained me to lie to him, truly, but I knew that I had to keep some of my decisions secret, for the sake of the people and my family. But none of it changed my loyalty to him. "What brings you back to Alster? I would've thought you would be busy in Miletos."

"I'm so _bored_. I ended up coming here before I remembered that I don't have my toy anymore." She sighed gustily, as if it were a great tragedy, and again, the guilt flooded me. It flooded me because… "Mmm… how shall I have fun now?"

Tailtiu was never 'mad'. I had said that just to keep her from Emperor Arvis, to protect… my soldiers (No, it was to protect my wife, the mother of my children who I loved above all else and who I swore to protect the day I married her). Hilda had then… administered punishment as a traitor deserved (No, she had beaten Tailtiu to death and all because she found something fun about hurting someone helpless). I had looked the other way because traitors had to be punished and Friege of all houses couldn't afford to look 'soft' after what my father had done (No, I had looked the other way because I didn't want to admit that my wife, the woman I had once loved, was killing my dear and precious little sister).

"Are you listening to me?" Hilda asked with a little shriek. She'd apparently still been talking, but I had closed my ears. "Ugh… this is why Ishtar has so many bad influences. Letting her run about like a common thug, learning things unbecoming of a proper lady…" She glared at me. "She's going to end up just like Tailtiu at this rate. Is that what you want, Bloom?"

"Whoa, you're loud." I was saved from answering by another person. It took a couple of blinks to see Prince Conall was in the doorway, instead of the gardens. A quick glance showed them empty. "Like, super loud," Prince Conall continued, looking right at Hilda without a trace of fear or uncertainty. Not unusual, really. Prince Conall was fiery much like the rest of his family, with a flame of defiance that always burned in his eyes, no matter who he was addressing. "I think you broke a window in the hall, actually."

"And who do you think you are to talk to me like that?" Hilda whirled on him, and I remembered that this would be the first time she had ever seen Prince Conall. This… wasn't exactly a good first meeting. "Well?"

"A person with hearing he'd like to keep?" Prince Conall widened his eyes innocently. I already knew what that meant. He'd decided to discard what little tact he had because he was angry. "But my mistake. I thought you were a banshee, but it seems you're a female dog in human form." It took a long second for me to realize just what he'd said. A 'female dog' was commonly referred to as a 'bitch'. I wondered where he'd heard the term, before deciding it had to be the market. "I'd never met one of those before. Neat." He turned to me, ignoring how Hilda's face was slowly turning purple with rage. "Anyway, Bloom, we wanted to head into the market. Is that okay?"

"Make sure Reinhardt is with you," I replied, struggling to not laugh. I knew I shouldn't encourage such behavior, but… "And to be back in a couple of hours to clean up for dinner. And please don't bring any animals back. I know Tine likes them, but the servants don't and they're the ones who have to clean." Prince Conall smiled innocently and took off before Hilda could screech curses at him.

So, instead, she turned on me. "Who the hell is that brat?!" she shrieked, gesturing sharply. I glanced at the window to make sure it wouldn't break. "Who the hell is that… that mongrel…?!"

"Prince Conall, son of Duchess Alicia and her husband, Duke Chulainn." I almost laughed, noticing her deflate instantly. "The nephew of Emperor Arvis and Empress Diadora. Ishtar's best friend." I knew she wouldn't care about that last one. I just added it to make it seem more like I was just listing things off. "Ishtar invited him to visit us in the hopes of cheering up Tine." That was when I realized something, and my mind whirled to take advantage of this unexpected thing. "Seems to have worked well. They've become friends in a very short time."

"I… he…" Her complexion was a little gray, and I knew why. She'd just insulted someone she'd normally do her best to flatter shamelessly. She wouldn't be able to do that now, and so, she lost a 'key ally'. "That's…"

"You might consider an apology later, my dear. It's unwise to upset him." I leaned forward slightly and smiled slowly. She lost her unease for a glare. "Emperor Arvis dotes on him, and Prince Conall is a very… honest person. Emperor Arvis would believe him over just about anyone." Now that was a gross exaggeration. Prince Conall was a child, after all. But Emperor Arvis would take the suspicions seriously, as would Empress Diadora. That would be more than enough. "So, it might be wise to keep your 'fun' away from Alster."

She narrowed her eyes, hearing my true statement clearly based off my earlier words. 'Leave Tine alone or face the Emperor's wrath.' After a moment, she huffed and stormed off, slamming the door behind her. I chuckled and leaned back against the window, closing my eyes. I probably shouldn't use a member of the royal family like that, but I somehow doubted Prince Conall would mind if he knew. When he was older, I'd probably explain it to him. But while I could do what I could, I didn't trust myself to protect Tine. I didn't trust myself to not falter when it was needed most. After all, I had failed Tailtiu horribly. I couldn't fail Tine. I just… couldn't.

' _It's a start, I suppose_.' For a brief second, I thought I heard Tailitu grumble by my ear. But when I opened my eyes and looked around, I saw no one. It was just me in my study, as it should be. Clearly, I had been overworking. But that didn't mean there wasn't still more to do, so I sighed, rolled my neck, and returned to my desk to work. There were rumors of that Leonster prince being in or near Tahra, and I wanted to send people there to scout about and see if there was truth to it. If there was, I'd send my soldiers to 'deal' with the brat and his protectors. I couldn't have him wandering about. It was a threat to the stability of the Empire, after all, and that couldn't be abided.

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's notes: So, have a Bloom oneshot far earlier than I planned. I'd meant to write this a bit later, but _noooo_ , it just had to keep bugging me until I wrote it and not let me work on other things because it's mean like that. Timeline wise, this is in the 'middle' of Chapter 3 of _Memoirs of Belhalla_ (specifically between two scenes), after Tailtiu's funeral but before the attack that kills Aida. I thought it would be more interesting if I had Bloom be much more conflicted (though I did want to show his harsher sides a bit, like sending people after Leif).


	8. Manfroy - Gran 766

Manfroy - Gran 766

* * *

It was all in place. Finally, after so many years… they were about to witness the dawn of a new era. The reconstruction of the Loptyrian Empire… finally, their people would rise and take their proper places. Finally, they would not be viewed as less than the dredges of society. Finally, they wouldn't be captured, tortured, burned alive… finally…

"I knew things would run smoothly," I whispered, walking carefully through the halls. Now would be the perfect time, but I had to be cautious. Arvis and 'Diadora' were in meetings. The children were in lessons… save for Prince Julius. He was in his room, laid up with another illness. A shame that their beacon of hope had so sickly a body, but such things could be dealt with. If everything went absolutely perfect… well, then it wouldn't be _fun_. "Everything worked out." Though, it was a struggle trying to figure out how to deal with the more… unexpected things. I certainly couldn't have guessed that Sigurd would find Cigyun's daughter first, and father a child with her. Not to mention Prince Julius having a twin sister, one with that cursed Naga blood… "Children are easy to kill. It'll be fine."

A whisper caught my ear, and I turned to see Moira hovering nearby. Her ghost, really, trapped in the mortal plane because of the violent, inhumane, undeserved death she had suffered. Though, her ghost didn't bear any signs of the flames that killed her. She was as young and vibrant as she had been just before they had been captured, except for one thing. She wouldn't smile. Just as she had since he became the High Priest, she stared at him, silent, unsmiling.

"We're almost there, Moira. Almost there…" I clutched the sacred tome to my chest, unable to keep from smiling. "Soon, we'll…"

Finding the hidden village in the Spirit Forest hadn't been too hard, nor had it been difficult to set up spies, waiting for any of Maera's kin who broke the taboo and had two children. But the tome… it had taken decades of searching to figure out where the Crusaders had hidden it, but thankfully, its intended guardian of this era had been an idiot. Hezul and his wife, Gwyneth… the treacherous thieves… after the Empire fell, they hid the tome in a special vault in their home castle, Agusty. Every single one of Agustria's rulers had been entrusted with the secret of what laid in that vault. Well, almost every single one. Chagall hadn't. Chagall hadn't, because he had killed his father. And so, Chagall hadn't thought anything of it when I asked to look in the vault, and had 'graciously' let me keep the 'old book' within. And once I had it, I didn't have to deal with that imbecile anymore. And since he decided to continue being an idiot, he ran headfirst into his death and put Agustria into such chaos that they _welcomed_ Grannvale's soldiers.

"Just wait a little longer, Moira. I'll raise our people to new heights, and they'll see the sun, just as they should. And we'll get revenge on the people, the society who condemned so many of us to death for crimes that weren't even ours…!" And then she'd smile again. She'd smile, because her death would be avenged at last. Our parents' deaths would be avenged. Surely, she'd smile at that.

But she wouldn't smile now, not even a little hint of one. So, I turned away, walking a little more quickly to move the final piece. One more move and then it was checkmate. I had gotten Cigyun's children together. They had birthed a child of Major Loptyr blood. Now, I just had to give him the tome, and Loptyr would be reborn. His Empire would be reborn. And it would be so easy. After all, there was no one around his room, and when I stepped inside, he was fast asleep. All I had to do was put it in his hands and…

"Take one more step, Manfroy, and see what happens." Alicia's hard, cold voice made me whirl, and I had to flinch back when I saw the staff in her hand. She had hit me once, and I still remembered how my head had rung. It hadn't been enough to stop me from reclaiming Deirdre that day, but it was enough to make me a bit wary now. "Get out," she ordered. "I'm in the middle of treating him."

"Surely, I can assist," I offered, doing my best to smile. But it only got me a glare. She, alone, knew that I had arranged things here, and she had no care of pretending politeness, as her brother did. "I do know healing arts, just as you do."

"Get. Out." She stepped around me and actually shoved me out the door. "Time and time again, you try to hook your claws into Julius, and I will not stand for it."

"I am simply trying to help." I did my best to look affronted, but really, I was annoyed. She was the most irritating creature I ever had to endure. "After all, I-"

"Get alone with him again, and I will burn you alive!" She snapped, eyes burning with intense fire, and I flinched automatically. Fire… I hated fire. I hated fire more than anything. It galled me that I had to interact with Fjalar's brats to make this work. I hated that line almost as much as I hated Naga's.

"It's not nice to bluff." Still, I wouldn't let her see how uneasy I was. "Nor is it nice to-"

"You want to _see_ if it's a bluff? Someone else tried it, and they were soon proven wrong." The air suddenly heated up, and I stumbled back a bit, alarmed that she would call on a 'Final Strike' right here. And then I cursed, because that let her know that she had gotten under my skin. "You're so arrogant, so cocky. You think the war is over, don't you?" She regarded me with a pitying look, one that seared. "It's not. You won the battle, but the war continues, Manfroy. You have your victory now, but by the time the war ends, you'll find that victory had gone up in flames, and all you will have will be ashes smothering your last breaths."

"Quite the boast."

"It's no boast. It's a _promise_." She turned away, heading back inside the room. "But enjoy your victory while you still have it, I suppose. Revel in it. It'll make me laugh all the more when you've lost."

"As if you'll ever see that." Growling in frustration, I decided to simply accept the loss and leave for now. That woman really would kill herself to stop me, and I couldn't have that. Not when everything was so, so close…

It would be fine. I just had to wait a few more months. Her body was falling apart, after all. She'd be dead before the end of the year, and then I could make the move. Moira just… had to wait a little longer. Just a little longer...

* * *

I should've known that woman would be more annoying in death than she had been in life. Likely due to her influence, Prince Julius was rarely left alone, even when sick. It was beyond irritating, to be so close to true victory and be so far. But, by far, the most annoying thing was…

"Hey, creepy-pedo-skulking guy, you're in the way." Was her son. Conall had been brought to Belhalla scant weeks after her funeral, and delighted in being defiant and troublesome. "If you continue being in the way, I'm going to push you," the boy continued, looking right at him. He met my gaze without the slightest trace of fear or deference. "Well, I guess it's rude to push, but it's rude to stand deliberately in the way too, and I'm a kid, so I get away with more."

"Such a delightful worldview," I managed through gritted teeth. I hated children at the best of times, barely tolerating even Sara, but Conall more than tried my patience. "You shall be a wonderful member of society when you get older."

"Oh, then I can be just like you!" Conall smiled innocently and I scowled. "Whatever. You. In way. Needs to be fixed."

"And just what, exactly, am I in the way of?" I looked around for emphasis, showing it was just us. ...Just us… I could get rid of the nuisance right now. Blame it on an assassin… it would be so, so easy…!

"Aw, I was hoping you'd be stupid and fall for it." Conall huffed, and I slowly began calling on a spell. So easy. So, so easy. "That's no fun. Oh well." He began to skip off without another word.

"Now, now, surely you shouldn't be so rude as to leave so abruptly." I almost had the spell ready. Almost… "After all…"

"Meh, Diadora hasn't gotten etty-whatever through my thick skull yet." Conall grinned, shifting to skip backwards. "And I want to get to Julius before you do."

"...What makes you think I was heading to Julius?"

"You're always stalking him. Like a mangy, starving cat hunting for a meal." He then frowned, making some frustrated noise. "Wait, I don't like that. Mangy, starving cats are still cute, and you're not. Bad ana… ana… whatever."

"Quite the thing for a child to accuse a person of." I had the spell. I could deal with this brat right here and now…!

A whisper in my ear, and I looked to the side to see Moira's ghost had appeared again. As always, she was silent and unsmiling. But this time… this time, for some reason, she was _crying_ …!

I lost the spell entirely in shock, wondering what would've brought her to tears. Was it because I was too focused on inconsequential things? Was it because despite my words, she was having to wait even longer? I was doing my best, though. These children were irritating nuisances, but just that. Was she angry that I didn't just shove them to the side? There was already quite a few deaths, but what was a few more? And why should I care about killing _their_ children, when they had never cared about killing _ours_?! Yes, that had to be it!

I whirled, prepared to cast and throw a spell, but Conall was gone. I was alone in the hallway, breathing heavily. But then, slowly, I made myself calm down. No, I couldn't do something like that. Prince Julius was still young. Even when he became Loptyr, we needed political allies to lay down the framework of the Empire. I had played this game of mine slowly just for that reason. Everything had to be done subtly. By doing this, we could ensure that any hope for resistance and rebellion came far too late.

"I'm sorry, Moira, but please, wait for me," I said to her ghost. I looked around, but didn't see her. "I will see this through. I will see the Empire rise. I will see our people prosper at long last. I will see your death avenged. Just wait, Moira. It _will_ be done."

And when it was, I wouldn't see her tears. I'd see her smiling again, because our people would finally be free. I just had to be patient.

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's notes: And here's one on the list of 'I didn't expect to do one for them'. The incident shown in the first scene was briefly described by Ishtar in her oneshot. Moira is a character who was mentioned in _Memoirs of Velthomer_ , as part of his backstory. The 'Sara' mentioned here is a playable char from FE5, and Manfroy's granddaughter. Gwyneth is the POV char for _Memoirs of the Crusaders_ , and I used the tome being in Agustria as a reason why Manfroy was pulling strings there (besides Chagall just being easy to manipulate). And I figured there had to be at least one incident where Conall's total lack of tact nearly got him killed.


	9. Sara - Gran 776

Sara - Gran 776

* * *

' _Help me… please… help me…'_ There it was again. The soft, quiet voice calling for me. Asking for help tiredly, like the owner wasn't actually expecting help. They had just run out of other options. I wanted to find them. I wanted to help. But Grandpa always kept me locked up somewhere. The little broken bird in the gilded cage… I was sure there were stories about such things. I hated it. I hated Grandpa. I hated most of the priests. They killed innocent people. Children. For no other reason that power and sick delight.

I would hear them. I would hear their last thoughts. Often, they were something like 'Mommy! Help me!' or 'Stop! Stop, it hurts! Why?!'. Such thoughts would linger for days upon days, settling into the stone itself to echo on and on. I heard them. I always heard them. It made it hard to concentrate. It made it hard to think. I looked for any distraction, voiced whatever thoughts I had, just to try and stop hearing the echoes of the dead spirits. Being in Belhalla was the worst. So many had died here. And I could hear them. I could hear them.

' _Deirdre, why…? Why do you not know me? Do you at least know Seliph?' 'Please don't cry, Alicia… you should smile for Caitriona and Conall...' 'I'm sorry, Aideen… Lester… I won't be back in time to see the new baby...' 'Bastards! I will tear you apart for what you did to Lord Sigurd! How dare you take him from us?!' 'Lord Sigurd always relied on my strength and sturdiness, so I will stand tall and keep the rubble off. It's all I can...' 'Lord Sigurd… I will fight for you still, until all breath leaves me. Because there will never be a lord worthier of my loyalty.'_

Those ones were particularly loud, probably because there was so much they left behind. But there were others. There were always others. And tied to the loudest.

' _Seems I get to see everyone again… Caitriona, Conall… I wish I could've at least seen you two one more time.' 'I am a horrible mother. Julia is somewhere, I forgot Seliph, and Julius is going mad. And all I can do is… ah, I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry… Arvis, Sigurd… I messed up...'_

And then there were the ones on the wind. Old echoes, newer echoes… all swirling about… all because the spirits were tied to this spot.

' _Damn, this is it… Ethlyn, Altena, Leif, Finn… I'm so sorry… Sigurd, I wish I could've seen you one more time, and tell you that while I have many regrets, helping you will never be one.' 'Altena, Quan, Leif, Finn… forgive me… I knew I depended too much on my brother to keep me safe. Sigurd… everyone… just one more time, I…' 'Stupid. Stupid to go against thunder mages with fire. Ah, it's so cold… Tailtiu, Tine, Arthur… I hope you…' 'Well, shit, if I'd known this would happen, I would've told Ayra to run. Sorry, Shanan… Ulster, Larcei… I'm not going to keep my promise…' 'So, this is how it ends. I can't say I don't have regrets, but none of them are choosing this path. Even knowing the end, I would pick it every time. Shanan, be strong. Ulster and Larcei, we will watch over you. I promise.' 'Ah, I need to get up. I know I need to. But I can't move. I can't feel. There's blood everywhere. I think Hilda has… Tine… Arthur… please, be safe and happy…'_

Too much. It's too much. Belhalla was always too much. So, I did something I never did before. I snuck outside to wander the gardens of Castle Belhalla. Grandpa would be mad when he learned. But I couldn't stand it. I needed to be outside, in sunshine. Mama always said that sunshine provided miracles. I hoped it would quiet the whispers, or at least not drown out the one voice calling for help. That person was still alive somewhere. I wanted to help them. They sounded like a good person. I wondered if they were hurt because they went against Grandpa. The priests have been very happy since Grandpa's plan worked, but I knew that when they were happy, nice people were miserable. Yes, even I knew that, though I was young and caged. Grandpa was mean. He killed Papa just for loving Mama. And killed Mama when I was little because she tried to leave with me. I missed her. I wished I had met Papa. I…

"Hey, careful!" Someone strong scooped me up by the waist, my feet leaving the ground entirely. I blinked slowly, confused, and then looked up curiously. Two colored eyes, red and blue, looked worriedly at me. "You shouldn't wander so close to the woods if you're daydreaming, miss," he told me. His hair was red, the same color as his left eye. It matched the gem that dangled from his right ear, and the stud in his left. "You nearly got yourself killed."

"I did?" I asked, now even more confused. I heard a growl, though, and looked forward again. I then blinked slowly because there was a great big bear growling at us. I had never seen a bear before. "Bear?"

"Yep." He set me down gently and brought up his hands, approaching the bear slowly. "Easy, fair lady. Easy." He moved carefully, keeping his gaze on the bear. "I know why you are angry. I can help." The bear snarled, and he stopped. But he wasn't afraid. I could tell. "I can help."

I crouched down and watched the staring match between them. The bear growled and growled. The boy met her gaze, and held it. Then the bear slowly retreated, showing that there was a baby bear behind her. A baby bear with blood all over its little paw. Its little, mangled paw. Poor thing...

"Thank you, good lady," the boy murmured, smiling without showing his teeth. He reached back, and a big black dog suddenly appeared, carrying a healing staff in its mouth. "Thank you, Hekate. Stay with the girl, will you?" And the boy walked forward without fear, even though he was so close to very sharp claws and even sharper teeth.

The dog, however, listened to him easily and loped over, licking me all over my face. I giggled at the ticklish feeling and gleefully petted it, marveling at how soft the fur was. I had always read about dogs, but I had never ever seen one before. Much fluffier than I thought. And the fur was going everywhere. It was like when a pillow exploded because you got mad and hit it with a spell. But warmer and cuddlier.

"There we are…" The boy's words caught my attention again, and he backed away slowly from the bears. The baby bear tentatively put pressure on its now-mended paw, finding no pain, and quickly jumped up and down, excited. "Thank you for letting me assist." The mama bear moved forward and nuzzled the boy's face before leaving with her baby, deep into the woods. "Hopefully, the little one will know to avoid sharp, shiny things now. These idiot priests and their traps…" He sighed and turned to me, laughing softly at something. "Seems Hekate decided your clothes could use some fur." He then tilted his head curiously and knelt by me, studying my face closely. "...Do you have Verdanite ancestry?"

"My papa was from there," I told him, feeling a bit excited. No one guessed that so quickly before! Did he have power like mine? ...No. No, that wasn't it. I could already tell. I could sense it. He had power, the Blessings of Holy Blood and the Blessings of Fairies, but no power like _mine_. "How did you know?"

"Your hair is a very pretty silver." He ruffled my hair, a show of easy affection. I tried not to squeak or be flustered. No one had done anything like that to me since Mama died. I had missed it. "Anyway, I apologize for roughly grabbing you earlier. You were walking right at her, and there's a reason mama bears have their reputation."

"It's fine." It made sense. I hadn't been paying attention at all. "Your dog is pretty."

"Hekate is a wolf, actually, and pretty bratty." Still, he smiled warmly at 'Hekate', and Hekate licked his cheek. "Yes, yes, you're cute. Ah, here." He stood and offered me his hand. After a moment, I took it, clinging when I discovered how _warm_ it was. No one had held my hand in a long time either. "Since you don't know that, I'm going to assume you're visiting Belhalla, or just moved into the castle."

"Visiting." And no doubt would go to some remote temple once Grandpa learned I had escaped. Maybe the Thracian Peninsula. I wouldn't mind that. I thought the quiet voice called for help was that direction. Maybe. It was hard to tell. Too distant. "Who are you?"

"Yeah, you're definitely not from here." He laughed, and led me down a path through the gardens, away from the woods. "I'm Conall."

"Sara." It took me a long moment to remember the name. Grandpa would complain a lot about a 'Conall'. 'Bitch's mangy pup', he would say. As typical, it seemed Grandpa was wrong. "You are a very nice person."

"Most people wait a while to say that." He smiled, though, and Hekate ran ahead, excited about something. "Hekate, leave the fish alone." Hekate stopped and looked back, tail wagging. "I mean it. The fish need time to replenish their numbers after the last hunting spree you went through."

"Hunting?"

"She discovered the pond has 'snacks'." He grimaced, and I giggled. That sounded funny. Imagine a pond filled with bread or something! "So, Sara, where are you visiting from?"

"Um… Darna." It felt like the safest answer. I wasn't really 'from' anywhere. But the Loptyrians were from Yied. Mostly. "It's different here."

"I imagine so!" Conall laughed. Hekate raced back to us and licked his hand, earning a scratch behind the ears. "I've only been through Yied once. Can't say it was a very fun experience."

"Did you get caught in a storm?"

"Something like that." So he said. But because I was holding his hand, I 'felt' more. Flashes of fury, of confusion, of sorrow, of hatred. It swirled into complicated feelings of love and trust and gratitude, enough to make it all weigh heavily on his spirit. "Though not the sort of storm you're thinking." More like a political storm. Caught in the middle of Grandpa's plotting. And then there was a single image, of Grandpa's most prized person, Prince Julius. Laughing and screaming at the same time, and an echo of a promise… "So…"

"Saving someone isn't the same thing as keeping them safe." I said the words softly as the echo of the promise lingered in my head. I knew what had happened to the poor prince. Grandpa had laughed and bragged about it. I knew that not even a god could save him; I knew because the old scriptures said that the gods had _tried_.

"Huh?" He gave me a weird look, and I looked down, annoyed. I had done what I normally did, said whatever to stop from hearing things, and now he was going to think I was too weird to talk to. Like everyone else. "I'm… afraid I don't know what you mean?" However, Conall… he didn't do that. Instead, he thought about it and then shook his head. "Mmm… It feels almost like a riddle, but I think I'll have to get back to you on the answer."

"Okay." I smiled, relieved that he hadn't… most would just smile, nod, and get away from me as quickly as possible. But he went along with it, even if he didn't understand. I liked that. I liked that a lot.

So, I focused a bit, as much as I could. I didn't really know how to use this power of mine. Tomes and staves were easy, but this… this was hard. Grandpa never listened to me. But I had taught myself some bits of control. Enough that I could 'Read' Conall. And it told me many, many things. It told me he was like the sun, burning in defiance and lighting the way for others. It told me he was a wolf, protecting his 'pack' and hunting for some sort of third option to the conflict Grandpa was inflicting on everything. It told me that his heart was bleeding from jagged holes, yet he still kept going despite the pain. It told me that his mother was a beautiful healer named 'Alicia' (another name I knew from Grandpa because he cursed her even now) and that his father was a strong mercenary named 'Chulainn'. It told me he had a twin sister very far away, one who burned and howled as much as him. It told me he had many friends he worried about all over the continent. And when I followed those 'threads', I found more and more, and I eventually picked up the 'thread' of the person calling for help. Someone Conall had met long, long ago, but wasn't really connected to. There were a few turns to make it to that person. But it showed me others, and they too were calling for help. So many… Grandpa was a mean person, to hurt so, so many...

"Prince Conall…" I automatically hid behind Conall at Grandpa's voice, not wanting to be found here. "Might I ask you something?" Grandpa asked, in that voice he always used when he wanted to kill someone but knew he couldn't. Yet. He spoke of a Diadora with the same voice. "I'm looking for someone."

"There's someones all over the place, you know," Conall replied easily. His voice was much colder than before, and Hekate bristled, growling. They didn't like Grandpa. Good, I liked them. "You have more specifics?"

"A young girl."

"Oh, please don't tell me this is you being creepy-stalker-pedophile again. If it is, I'm definitely burning you." Conall snapped his fingers, and I caught a flicker of flame on his fingertips. After a moment, it burned blue. "So…?"

"Talking to you is infuriating."

"And yet, here you are, initiating a conversation neither of us want." Conall shrugged and shifted a bit. I almost panicked, but then realized he was simply hiding me better. "So?"

"A young girl with long silver hair."

"So, Julia? I think we're _all_ looking for her."

"Bah, why am I bothering? Even if you did know where Sara was, you wouldn't answer." Grandpa growled something under his breath. "Regardless, I had another reason. Prince Julius was looking for you. We're making a trip to Manster."

"...Why?"

"Raydrick has some prisoners that he wants us to see, and Veld wants to show off the children he has captured." Grandpa laughed, and Conall stiffened. "Prince Julius decided that you and Lady Ishtar should come along. None of you have been to Manster, yes?"

"No, I haven't." Conall's voice was neutral. "Tell him that I'll see him soon."

"Excellent." Footsteps. I peeked out cautiously and saw him leaving. So, I stepped out and petted Hekate, wondering just what Conall's reaction would be.

"So, I do have just enough tact, sort of, to not insult him in front of you," Conall began as soon as Grandpa was out of sight. "But I take it you don't exactly take after him, do you?" He smiled slightly at me and I smiled back. "Hekate likes you, for one."

"I hate him," I told him honestly. It felt nice to _say_ that to someone finally. "But I'm too little to run away or anything."

"That you are. Wait until you're fifteen or sixteen. Or find a nice big army with good people who can hide you." He ruffled my hair again, and grinned. "And if you run into me, I promise to help. But for now, I suppose we'd better get you to where you're supposed to be."

"Yes." I was glad I snuck out today. Next time I got this impulse, I would follow it again. And I would pay attention to the threads. When I was older, I could help the people calling for help. I knew it. "Will you walk with me?"

"Of course." He offered his hand again, and I took it. "We'll swing by the kitchens and get you a snack. I bet there's something there you haven't tried before."

"I have always wanted to try chocolate." Yes, I would follow the impulse again. Because things like this showed me more of the world, and since Grandpa hated it, I was determined to love it. "May I?"

"Sure, but keep it from Hekate. It might make her sick."

"Okay!"

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Notes: Another one for the 'was not expecting this one' list. So, here's our first FE5 only char: Sara, the granddaughter of Manfroy. She's twelve years old in 776, which is the starting year for FE5. Since _Memoirs of the Holy War_ pushed back Gen2's start by two years, though, the eventual FE5 novelization will cover a prolonged period (3~ years instead of the year, year and a half in-game). So, it's still going to be a couple of years before Sara joins up with Leif and his army. Timeline wise, this is just before/during Chapter 4 of FE5, when Leif is imprisoned in Manster. (The game has a scene that shows Julius, Ishtar, and Manfroy are all there at the same time.) Raydrick and Veld are both villains from FE5.
> 
> Now for Sara. Sara is known for being a little… odd personality wise. Her hearing someone calling for help comes from Chapter 16B. I expanded that a bit to her 'hearing' many things to have a good part of her odd personality be because of her uncontrolled power (think of it being a combination of hearing the dead and psychometry), as well as being very sheltered. Hard to seem normal when you hear some of the last thoughts of the dead every minute of the day. I'm going to note that not _every_ Gen1 member who is dead has lines up there (Erinys, for instance, doesn't). Mostly because these were the ones I could think of. Her being able to 'read' Conall is based on Chapter 16B as well, where she knows quite a bit about Leif despite having just met him (and mentions that he asked for help).
> 
> Oh, as for her battle wise? Sara is freaking broken. She's got three skills (Wrath, Prayer, and Elite), the ultimate glass cannon growths (Magic, Skill and Speed are _all_ 80% without scroll abuse, though she's also got the same defenses as wet tissue paper), B rank in staves with a guaranteed A upon promotion (and staves are broken in FE5), five movement stars (meaning she has a 25% chance of getting a second turn), and promotes into the Sage class (which is, you guessed it, broken). She's basically the Est of the game, or one of the Ests. I think.


	10. Arion - Gran 778

Arion - Gran 778

* * *

I hated coming to Belhalla. It wasn't even the near constant perfumes or anything, which is what annoyed Father. It was how the air was heavy with blood and death. Thracia, beautiful as it was, also had blood and death on the wind, but here, it lingered. It was almost like it chained itself to the city. A memory of the battles fought here. After all, it was in Belhalla when the Loptyrian Empire fell over a hundred years ago. It was in Belhalla where Arvis 'defeated' the 'traitors' and secured his new Empire. And countless other battles over the years. Battles my country no doubt participated in, their blood bought by coin, and received no recognition for.

"Arion!" Prince Julius called my name, reminding me that I was not so far from home to brood over history. "Arion, you're visiting?" Prince Julius asked, rushing up and greeting me with a hug. It wasn't unusual, except… except I couldn't help but notice how every time I visited, Prince Julius hugs became tighter and tighter, almost like he was trying to claw me. "Here to enjoy Belhalla?"

"No, I'm afraid I am here on business, as per usual," I replied, doing my best to appear apologetic. Annoyance flashed across Prince Julius's face; three years ago, it would've been disappointment only. "You're normally at lessons at this time, aren't you?"

"Meh, I skipped." He shrugged, unbothered. But that was also unusual. He loved lessons, or used to. "What's wrong, though? Did something happen?"

"The Loptyrian Priests have been kidnapping children within our borders."

"Oh, they just want to make sure they get a proper education."

"Thracia is not part of the Empire, Prince Julius." I made my voice very firm. "That is why there are tariffs. Which have suddenly increased."

"Are you upset?" Prince Julius leaned forward slightly, studying me closely. "Does it make you mad?"

"I think any prince should be upset when his people are starving and being abducted." Once, I knew I wouldn't have to explain such a thing. The little prince I met eight years ago had been almost a bleeding heart with how kind he was. Now, he seemed genuinely confused that it bothered me. "So, yes."

"Okay." Prince Julius rocked back on his heels. "I'll fix it for you, then. You should enjoy the castle while I handle it!" And then he was off, laughing like this was all a game, and we were playing with toys.

It also left me standing awkwardly in the hallway. I didn't know many people in Belhalla, and that was on purpose. I just didn't _like_ most of the people here. Their hearts were dark and made me nervous. Though it seemed like Prince Julius's heart was darkening with each day, and I remembered the 'explanation' Conall had given me. 'He broke at seeing his mother die.' It was a simple explanation, and I had seen many knights break at less. But I knew, _knew_ , there was more to the story. More than Conall was willing to admit. And if he wouldn't admit anything, then certainly…

"Oh, Arion?" Ishtar walked up then, heels clacking on the stone floor. "I didn't know you were visiting today," she murmured, smiling warmly. "You look confused by something."

"Well, I had my encounter with Prince Julius already," I replied, watching her reaction closely. As always, she winced. "The offer of you hiding in Thracia is still open, you know. You go into the mountains…"

"That's kind of you, Arion…" Ishtar looked down, trying to hide her expression with her hair. "I will remember it."

"I wish you or Conall would tell me what is going on." It was annoying, really. We were friends, and yet… well, everyone kept secrets. I just felt like the two were walling themselves off. And, as their friend, I hated that. "It's clearly something more."

"I…" Ishtar sighed, shaking her head. "I do not have the words to explain. We don't even really know what's going on. And we're trying to help him."

"Of course." I pointed to the nearby gardens, and she nodded, leading me to them. They were the only place I liked in Belhalla, and because of how busy everyone was, you could have many private conversations. "But are you helping yourself, Ishtar?"

"Of course. I love him."

"Do you?" Again, I watched her reaction closely, and saw the wince. "Ishtar, I know that I am not an expert in… really anything, but I can listen and I can keep secrets." I rested a hand on her shoulder and bent slightly to study her face. "You don't look like you've been resting. And the letters I get from you and Conall have been terser. And I know that you have to have the same feelings about these Child Hunts that I do, so I can guess how your mind whirls on that front."

"...This is why you came to discuss whatever you came to discuss, isn't it?"

"No, I came here because I'm the only one in family with any sort of tact. Same reason why I went to Alster five years ago." Bloom had wanted to hire us. Hannibal had me go negotiate the contract so that Father didn't start a war with his lack of tact. I'd met Ishtar then, and befriended her. "And Prince Julius likes me, so I mention being upset…"

"Yeah, I use that a lot to curb the worse tendencies." She smiled bitterly. "It's all… complicated."

"Clearly. But, again, I'm here to listen, if you need it."

"You're really worried."

"Every shield crumbles if it simply endures. I should know. The Shield of Thracia is my nanny." I smiled, and it got a laugh out of her. "And I know personally as well, how trying it can be. I have to protect Altena. She and Father have been arguing more and more."

"And you protect her because you love her." She grinned, and I looked away, a bit embarrassed. But only a bit. "I… you know…" She fell silent, thinking, and then nodded. "I was just wishing there was someone I could talk to about this. Both the personal and the... well, still personal, but more in the realm of duty and doing what is right."

"Perhaps Taranis of the storms whispered to Skadi, then."

"Thracians are the only people I know who refer to the gods by name, except in very specific circumstances." Her eyes lit up, as they typically did when she found something interesting to potentially learn. "Is there a specific reason for that?"

"There are a few stories. I'll share them as we discuss what's been tangled up in your head."

"Will you talk about what's been tangling up in your own mind?" She smirked a bit, a knowing look in her eyes now. "Because while Altena might be open about it, I have no doubts you have been worried about how things are going."

"Too true." Far too true. I believed in Father, and believed he was doing what was best for Thracia, but sometimes, I truly had to wonder if there were not other ways. And if Father's methods would better Thracia at the expense of our neighbors. And Ishtar would understand better than most, because she also felt torn between a belief in her family, her duties as a Major, and her own morals. "Let's find a quiet place to hide, then. Where is Conall anyway?"

"University classes. He's finishing up his final year there." She giggled. "Hekate followed him without him knowing."

"Well, that's going to be a fun story later." And finally, I felt myself relaxing. I hated Belhalla, but I did love my friends. "Seems we'll be gossips today."

"Sounds like fun."

"That it does." And fun was all too rare nowadays. "That it does."

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's notes: Wonder if people are more surprised by the POV char or the odd friendship here. Arion and Ishtar don't interact at all during the game, but I thought it might be interesting, since both are weighed down by their duties and choices (and both are quite prideful). (I'll probably have another one that focuses on Arion's feelings for Altena, but I thought it would be fun to see him in context other than Travant or her.) 'Taranis' is the name of a god of thunder in Celtic Mythology. 


	11. Ishtore - Gran 778

Ishtore - Gran 778

* * *

Melgen was beautiful. I thought so when I was first sent here a couple years ago to 'rule' the land in my father's place, and I definitely thought so now. So, one of my favorite ways to relax and try to untangle my thoughts was to stand on the roof of the castle, and look over it all, often while reading or at least flipping through a book. Today, my book was really a tome. Aunt Tailtiu's Thoron tome, to be specific. It should really be Tine's, but unlike most of Thrud's bloodline, she had chosen to be the more versatile mage, instead of specializing solely as a thunder mage. As such, she didn't yet have the training to use it. So, I kept it safe for her. I looked forward to the day I could give it to her, though. At least, so long as…

Sighing, I shut the tome and looked out towards the east. Towards Alster, which was in a long battle with Leonster. The people of the Manster district watched the conflict with bated breath, terrified that Leonster would fall again. I knew it. I made sure to keep a careful ear out for rumors and gossip. They had celebrated when Leonster had been reclaimed, quietly, and it just made me wonder. It made me wonder about the future of Jugdral...

I trusted my family. I trusted the Empire. Yet I couldn't shake the feeling that something was just… wrong. The Child Hunts… the changes in Julius… the slow deterioration of both Ishtar and Conall… something was wrong. I didn't quite know what. But I also didn't know any better alternatives. Who would rule, if the Empire was gone? Julius was mad, not fit to rule. Conall was a good friend, yes, but gods, I would _never_ put him in charge of an entire Empire. Definitely wouldn't want Father, if only because that would give Mother more power, and that was the last thing people needed. Well, second to last. Anarchy would be worse. Maybe if some of the heirs of the other countries had survived, but they were all dead. Sure, Leonster was 'liberated' or whatever, but what were the chances of other heirs surviving? And just because they survived didn't mean they knew how to rule or anything. So, what other choice was there…?

"Here you are." I turned and saw Ishtar climbing out of the trapdoor that was the only access to the roof. She had to discard her normal cape and pauldrons to fit through, to my intense amusement. "Tine was fretting, though Liza quickly distracted her with wedding talks," she explained, walked over to me. As had become distressingly common in recent years, she spoke softly, tiredly, and smiled a pale imitation of a smile. She kept one arm wrapped around her, and angled herself away. "I can't believe my little brother is getting married."

"Next year," I confirmed, smiling goofily. I felt bubbly just at the thought of it. This time next year, I would call Liza my wife… it was like a dream. "Have you and Julius set a date yet?"

"...No, we haven't." Her expression was an interesting one. Relief, frustration, exhaustion, regret, a few others I couldn't name… it was almost like when a child grabbed a whole bunch of colors and threw them at the wall to make a mess of splats. "Julius hasn't asked, you know."

"Ah, right, he only just came of age." I looked around and realized something. We were alone. Normally, there was at least _someone_ with us, but right now, it was… "Hey, Ishtar?"

"Hmm?"

"I'm going to be very serious for a moment."

"Don't hurt yourself."

"Yeah, if you see me straining, that's why." I played along with the joke for a moment before looking at her. "I won't ask you to tell me what's going on. I'm not stupid, though. I know something is wrong. I _know_ it." I made sure to look her right in the eye. I might be the _younger_ brother, but I was still her brother. She was still my sister. "You rarely smile, really smile, anymore, and you've always got one arm wrapped around yourself. Like you're walling yourself off or hugging yourself." I gestured at her stance for emphasis, which was exactly that. She clasped her hands behind her back immediately, but it looked awkward. It felt awkward. "Again, I won't ask. But I won't be blind either."

"I… I'm sorry, Ishtore…" Ishtar looked down, laughing sadly. "Ha… I'm supposed to be taking care of you, not…"

"We're both adults. We take care of each other." I rested my hands on her shoulders and made sure to smile. "You're always taking everything on yourself. Let me take _some_ of the burden, stormy face."

"You have not called me that since we were children." Still, it got her to smile, and her laugh was happier. "I will… there's a lot going on, Ishtore."

"I know. And I know it's pulling you apart. That's why I won't ask. But I want you to remember that no matter what you decide, I will be with you. Not even death will stop that."

"Don't speak so lightly about dying!" She jerked her head up, eyes wide with horror. "I couldn't bear it if you died, and gods, think of what it would do to Tine!"

"It's an expression, Ishtar. I certainly have no plans to die. I think Liza would kill me if I died before the wedding." I continued smiling, and after a while, she relaxed. "But I mean it. Even if something crazy happens, and I do die, I will force the gods to let my spirit stay, so that I'll be with you, helping you however I can."

"...You're so stupid sometimes…" She leaned forward, resting her head on my shoulder. "I am so tired, Ishtore… and I'm supposed to go to Miletos to visit Mother tomorrow…"

"Don't. Seriously, last thing you need is her."

"She's our mother."

"Unlike you, I don't believe family automatically means loyalty." I learned _that_ from Father, when he let Mother beat Aunt Tailtiu to death. "My life became much happier when I cut her out of it." I'd been hesitant, of course, and had talked it over with Liza a lot, but… "I insist. You don't go anywhere near her for a while. You're really going to leave _Tine_ for her."

"Damn it. Invoke Tine, and I'll do just about anything." Ishtar sighed and straightened, smiling wryly. "Fine, fine. I'll stay here for a while before returning to Belhalla. That make you feel better?"

"Ecstatic, especially since you can suffer through Liza's planning with me." I took her hand and pulled her towards the trapdoor. "But right now, I think we should save Liza from her anxieties, and Tine from the far too many choices!"

"Of course." She squeezed my hand. "When I can, Ishtore, I will tell you. It's just… it's so hard to word."

"Take all the time you need, Ishtar. It's not like I'm going anywhere." I smiled warmly at her. "I am always on your side, my silly stormcloud of a sister. Also, one last borderline treasonous thing before we close the topic…" I let the smile drop for a serious look. "That includes if you want to break your relationship with Julius, by the way."

"That is… um…" Fear made her eyes waver, and I hated that. Thinking of your lover shouldn't make you _afraid_. It should make you feel warm, with a smile appearing without you even being aware of it, like I was with Liza. "And who would you suggest I court? Marry?"

"Who says you need to _be_ married?" I shrugged. "Maybe marry someone who doesn't terrify you, if you insist on marrying. But that's your choice, and I _will_ be right with you. Even as a spirit, if weirdness happens."

"Keep talking about death, and it's going to get ideas." She looked away. I still saw the fear in her eyes. This wasn't right and it hurt to know there wasn't really anything I could do. "I… I'll think on it, okay? There's just… I…"

"Take all the time you need, like I said. I just wanted to say that while I knew we were alone, sister. It's been a while since that happened." I made sure to smile again, and she tentatively smiled back. "Now then. To Liza and Tine. We should go have a picnic! It's about time for lunch anyway."

I knew something was wrong with the world. I knew the Empire wasn't anything like it had been when I was a child. But with no good alternatives that I knew of, I just had to trust that one day, it would be again, and thus, focus on keeping those I loved safe and ruling Melgen as well as I could. I really couldn't do anything else.

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's notes: So. Ishtore. Ishtore is Ishtar's younger brother, and he first shows up in-game in Game-Chapter 7, very briefly. I thought it might be interesting to delve a bit into his characterization, and build his relationship with Ishtar a bit. Liza, mentioned here, is Ishtore's fiance, who is also briefly seen in the game.


	12. Ares - Gran 774

Ares - Gran 774

* * *

Dragons were smaller than I expected. Sure, they were large, but if you ignored the wings, they weren't that much larger than a horse. So, I wasn't all that impressed, and certainly didn't gawk like others in the troop did when the Thracians arrived on their dragons and Jabarro went to greet them. Wasn't really sure why he asked them to join on. Whenever I got hired, the strategy typically became 'throw Ares at the enemy until he kills them all or they get a sense of self-preservation and surrender'. Part of the reason why Jabarro set my price so high was so that the rest of the group didn't get soft or start to think things were easy. The other part was to add to my oh-so-glorious reputation.

"So, is the brooding look natural or did you practice?" A shadow fell over me, and I glanced up to see a woman in red armor leaning over me, brown hair falling over her shoulder. Normally I'd just ignore the person, but… "My name is Altena, by the way," she continued, grinning. "I'm part of the Thracians that just arrived."

"Ares," I replied, nodding at her. There was something familiar about her. Not that I was going to say that. It sounded like the most cliched pick-up line ever, and I didn't want to give false impressions. "Part of Jabarro's group."

"The Black Knight, right? You're nowhere near as scary as your reputation says you should be."

"Rumors are rumors." I shrugged and went back to tending to Mystletainn. "People always say what they want. I just do my job."

"Wow, you'd get along _great_ with Arion. Shame I can't drag wolfy on jobs, because he and I would have fun pranking you." She kept on grinning, despite my terseness. "Anyway, reason I came over was because you and I got paired for this operation."

"Did we now?" That was odd. I never got paired. "Who are we fighting?"

"Wait, you don't even know what the job is?" Finally her grin dropped, this time for surprise. "I would think that's the first thing you check."

"Jabarro handles the contracts. I just go where he tells me to." I owed Jabarro everything. If not for him, I would've died like a dog amidst the ruins of Leonster. So, I had to do everything I could to repay him. "That's all."

"So, you don't think about who you're fighting?" She seemed angry now. "Who you're killing?"

"It's people. Humans. Some of them young, some of them old. Some of them powerful, some of them weak." I shrugged and stood up, attaching Mystletainn to my belt. "Does it matter who they are? Dead is dead."

"You seriously don't think about it? At all?"

"I've been in this business for four years." I looked at her impassively, and I saw her immediately trying to calculate my age. Most did, when they saw me, especially when they knew my reputation. "Unfortunately, after a while, you start losing track."

"...That's so sad…" She looked down, and I wondered why she even cared. We were strangers, just paired for a job. "I hope I don't end up that way. I want to help Thracia find a new path."

"Good luck with that." There was no way in hell anything was going to change. We were all the dogs of the Empire, and they had our leashes. "Anyway, I'm going to talk to Jabarro. See you."

I walked off, trying to ignore how her questions got under my skin. Because I knew, _knew_ , there were some people I killed who I would've rather protected. I knew that some of the 'bandits' I had slaughtered had just been starving people. I knew that some were just people 'in the way' of the wealthy and powerful. And it hurt, because this wasn't what I wanted. This was nothing like what I had wanted. When I was little, when Father was alive, I had dreamed of being a knight, just like him. A proud knight of Agustria, wielding Mystletainn to protect the innocent and to keep my people safe. Now, though, I was the 'Black Knight', a feared mercenary, killing for whoever paid the highest, to repay the debt I owed to Jabarro.

I would never forgive Sigurd for taking that dream away. Never.

* * *

The job involved something with a town near Manster, with us hired by Raydrik. Altena and I were situated away from the others, waiting for a signal or something. Still didn't really know what the hell we were supposed to be doing, but no matter. It was probably 'kill-kill-kill'. Like normal.

"So, Ares…" Altena began. Like me, she wasn't mounted. She instead petted her dragon, unusually colored compared to the others in her group, and attempted to make small talk. Constantly. "Where are you from?"

"This is the fourth time you've tried to start a conversation," I pointed out. My mare 'huffed' a bit, as annoyed as I was. Or maybe she didn't like the dragon. Or maybe she was bored. Could be anything, really. "Do you normally do that during a job?"

"When they're as surly as you, yes." She grinned and I rolled my eyes. And tried to think of why that grin looked familiar. "So?"

"My mother was a Leonster noblewoman." Better to not mention everything to a stranger. Even this was a bit much, but I wanted to see her reaction. "She died when it fell. Thracia was involved in that, yes?"

"Er… well, yes…" She squirmed in discomfort, and I had to smirk, just a little. "I… uh…"

"Relax. I don't hold a grudge against Thracia." I held it only for Sigurd. If Sigurd hadn't ruined Agustria… if Sigurd hadn't killed Father… then none of this would've happened to my family. Father would be alive. Mother would be alive. I wouldn't be a mercenary. Things probably wouldn't be safe, since the Empire and all, but we'd at least be together. And if not for Sigurd, then Quan, Ethlyn, and their daughter might still be alive. I wouldn't be separated from my aunt and uncle. Everything… everything was the fault of a knight as treacherous as his homeland. I hated him. I hated him since I was small, and I only hated him more now. "But I hate small talk."

"Ass." She scowled. "Also, seriously, do you _practice_ the brooding?" She reached over and poked my face. "It is like… the most perfect brood."

"My life is complete." I kept to my deadpan tone, and she just laughed. "This is just how my face is."

"Nah, you've a face made for smiling. I'm sure of it."

"And now I wonder if you hit your head." In the distance, three fire-lit arrows flew up and dragons surged from their hiding places. "Job time."

"Wonderful." Altena swung up into her saddle and I mounted up as well. "We're supposed to deal with whoever runs our way, right?"

"Makes sense." And it did. It did until I saw just _who_ was running our way. Women and children. Screaming, crying women and children. No one armed. No one armored.

I froze, unable to breathe. Beside me, Altena gasped. The women and children… the civilians… they kept on running, straight for us. Watching them, I thought of the job, and I thought of my debt of Jabarro. I brought up Mystletainn… and then I lowered it again because I couldn't do this. I couldn't. If I did this, if I killed them, I… I would no longer be Ares, son of Eldigan the Lionheart and Grahnye of Leonster. I would no longer be Ares, heir to Hezul. I would just be Ares, the Black Knight. Ares, the mercenary. And I didn't… I…

"So, I don't know about you, but I was never actually told who the 'enemy' was," I began slowly, glancing at her. She looked right at me, her gaze sharper than any dagger. "Thus, I see only a bunch of people who might need some assistance from whoever the 'enemy' is."

"...Yeah, I think so too," she replied. Slowly, she smiled. "Therefore, we can ignore them, right?"

"I don't see why we shouldn't. Except maybe to point them to a village. It is a dangerous area, especially right now."

"Quite true." She giggled and then waved at the group. They stopped in the distance, stunned and terrified. "What's a good direction?"

"Can Mease take them?"

"Hannibal's there at the moment, and he'll gladly."

"Perfect." I rode up to the group, sheathing Mystletainn to emphasize that I meant no harm. They were still frightened, but they didn't run. Though, they could've been frozen. "Hey, head south, to Mease. You can find safety there." A couple glanced at each other hesitantly, but one studied me closely and slowly nodded. That one started pushing the others, and soon, they were running again, right past us. Before long, they were out of sight and no longer our problem.

However, that didn't mean our problems were over. Because, of course, there had been pursuers, two of my group, and they had seen what I'd done. "The hell was that?!" one snapped. I didn't know their name. It was half on purpose. "Ares, you traitor!"

"Oh, please…" I scoffed, rolling my eyes. I unsheathed Mystletainn and It hummed in my grip, eager for blood. "At least come up with better last-"

Then something happened that I never expected. Altena's dragon suddenly inhaled sharply _and breathed out fire_. Bright, white-hot fire. There was a split second of screams, and then there was nothing but charred bodies where people had been. Bodies that her dragon quickly tore apart, reducing to chunks of crumbling ash.

"Whoops, she lost her temper," Altena blithely noted. She shrugged and looked at me. "Hey, keep this secret, will you? Lord Father said that I should keep her from doing this, but dragons are dragons."

"I'm not sure anyone with half a brain would believe me," I deadpanned. I sighed, and rubbed my temple. "Not even going to think on it. Though, why trust me with a secret?"

"You didn't kill them." She jumped down from her wyvern and smiled warmly at me. "That's why. You claim not to think, but you really do, don't you? You avoid learning because you know there's lines you can't cross, but you have to survive too."

"...Whatever." Didn't feel like denying it. Really didn't feel like confirming it. "So, story. We need one."

"For the charred guys?"

"For whatever we were _supposed_ to do."

"Oh. Right." She leaned back against her dragon, thinking. "So, we could say that there were these pink fairies floating about…"

"Denied."

"Let me at least finish, damn it!"

* * *

After lots of 'debating', more of her being a brat because she could, we decided the story was simply 'we didn't see anyone'. After all, there wasn't really any signs of fighting. Just some random bits of ash that quickly scattered on the wind. No big deal. As for the two dead, they were listed as 'missing, presumed killed'. It wasn't the first time someone in the group had died and no one could find the body. Safer to not get close to people for that reason. But the result was 'easy' pay for Altena and myself, and us not in trouble. Best case scenario, really.

"Yay, I didn't have to compromise anything _and_ I won't get scolded by Lord Father," Altena giggled, stretching her arms towards the sky. I shrugged and simply tended to Mystletainn. Divine weapon or not, it still required maintenance. And it was calming. "Did you get scolded?"

"Jabarro was too busy laughing," I replied. After all, Raydrik paid a _lot_ of money to have me along, and I didn't even have to do anything. "So, no. I didn't."

"That's good." She leaned over me to watch what I was doing. "Where are you all off to?"

"Probably the next job. We operate all over Yied and the Manster District."

"I see." She watched me for a little while, frowning a bit as she studied the sword. But then she shrugged. "My group will be leaving soon. Back to Thracia."

"Ass." She poked my face. "Hey, write me when you can."

"And just where would I address the letters?"

"Hmm? Oh, Thracia Castle." She grinned. "And I'll tell the messenger to just look for the blonde mercenary with the perfect brood."

"I'll give you the city we stop in the most." I might as well humor her. "It would be hard to get jobs if we didn't have a base."

"Okay!" She skipped off briefly before turning back to face me. "Hey, this is going to sound weird, but I honestly feel like you and I have met before." She laughed, and I rolled my eyes, choosing against pointing out the obvious. "I'm not originally from Thracia, and I'm probably from around here in the Manster District. So maybe you and I met in Leonster?"

"I suppose it's possible." It wasn't like I remembered much. I clung to what bits I did, but it was a long time ago. I couldn't remember who all I had played with. "If you figure it out, let me know."

"I will." She winked and rushed off. "Great meeting you, Ares!"

"...Yeah, it's been fun, Altena." I actually did wave goodbye to her, and she waved back until she was out of sight. "What a weird person."

I was certain I'd never see her again, but I supposed I could indulge the letter thing. It wouldn't cost me anything, after all. And she _was_ familiar. Maybe I'd learn what happened to my aunt and uncle. Or maybe not. Didn't matter. I just had to keep on living, and repaying my debt. That's all I had left.

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's notes: So, have an Ares. This is born from a single line in the last chapter of _Memoirs of Thracia_ , and it spiraled from there.


	13. Cyas - Gran 766

Cyas - Gran 766

* * *

I prided myself in a few things, quite the sin given my youth. One of them was my ability to keep calm. Another was my patience. Both were important skills Aunt Alicia and Grandfather had taught me, because they were both so desperately needed in healers. And I wanted to be a healer. There was something fascinating and satisfying at being able to knit wounds together and tend to illnesses. The delight of knowing that you could help someone and, even better, succeeding in helping… I loved it. So, I listened to those lessons and did my best to embody them. And so, I prided myself in those skills. However… I had to say that Conall _really_ tried both!

"Wow, Belhalla must have some great stonemasons or whatever the term is," Conall noted as we walked through the courtyard. Somehow or another, my first meeting with Conall turned into me giving him a proper tour of the palace since he'd decided to leave his rooms again. I had assumed that leaving meant he was willing to adapt to life here or… something. "I know it's been five years and all, but I expected to at least see signs of where all the meteors hit. Patches that were newer or something?" However, Conall seemed to take _great delight_ in being as tactless as possible. And saying exactly what he was thinking. "Oh, wait, is that an ash stain over there? Is that where Sigurd stood?"

"I wouldn't know," I replied, doing my best to be patient still. I _liked_ being calm and patient. But I swore he was going to drive me mad! Hard to believe he was Aunt Alicia's son, being like this. Perhaps his father was equally tactless? "I didn't exactly witness it."

"Probably wouldn't have been much fun to witness. Bunch of people screaming as they burned alive or got crushed by rubble." Conall looked up at the sky curiously. I mentally counted to ten. I shouldn't get this riled, but… "I wonder if it snowed."

"Why are you asking so many questions about it?" Patience… patience… "It's clearly not an enjoyable topic."

"I'm trying to picture how Dad died." He said the words easily, but they hit me like ice water. I hadn't even thought… "And what Mom saw that day. The day where the person she trusted most betrayed her. Killed her love. Killed her best friends. Separated her from the people she called family. What was she thinking? What was Dad thinking when he died? Did he even get to see Mom before he died?" He looked back at me, eyes perfectly clear, burning with a quiet fire. A fire that declared it would burn no matter what. It reminded me of the Aunt Alicia I first met, back before… everything. "Aida and Diadora couldn't answer when I asked."

"You asked them?!" And I was right back to losing my temper. "Seriously?!"

"Yes? How else are you supposed to learn?" He tilted his head curiously. "It's not like I can pick up a book and read it. Unless Mom happened to write everything down, but I doubt it."

"It… did it not occur to you that such things might be painful to ask them?" I couldn't keep from asking. I really couldn't. "I mean…"

"Isn't it normal to hurt?"

"No!" I surprised myself with the amount of force I put into the word. But I couldn't help it. Nor could I tame the passion I put into the rest of my words. "No, it's not normal! That's why healers exist! We ease people's pain! We help them recover!" Though maybe I was just insulted that he'd so casually dismiss… "That's what your mother _did_! That's what Aunt Alicia did!"

"Did she? I heard she was a healer." Conall was completely unaffected by the tirade, which admittedly made me feel horribly embarrassed. Even more so because I didn't keep _calm_ and I should've. "Oifeye said that was why I associate medicinal herbs with her. Neat."

"That…" Finally, I gave up and growled in frustration. "I do not get you at all!" I glared at him and he seemed startled. Maybe he truly didn't understand. I mean; he _was_ only six. And I had even told Ishtar that we should wait for him, but gods darn it, he was so darn…! "Why did you leave your room if you weren't going to try and adapt?"

"Ishtar." He said it easily. Bluntly and no-nonsense. And it was honestly more of an answer that I expected to get. "She makes me feel like things won't be so bad. Maybe. I mean… I _did_ get kidnapped. By your mom." However, with each word, his tone got dryer and dryer, showing a grasp of sarcasm I didn't remember having at his age. "And I'm in the place where my dad died, in agony because fire hurts. Where Mom lived out her last years in despair, based on what I've heard from others. Away from my twin sister and my family, who could be dead for all I know." In fact, I felt like this was his equivalent of 'yelling'. Maybe. At least with me, it was. "But Ishtar is fun and bright, and raised in this forsaken city that has too much incense like it'll cover the smell of the dead. So, I figured I'd get out and try to learn. Try to understand why they sacrificed Mom and all her friends for a 'better world'. What even _is_ their better world anyway? It's not better for me. So, who is it better for? I don't know. Maybe Ishtar. Maybe their better world is why she's bright." He paused suddenly, breathing heavily. Only now did I see the tears he held back. "So. That's why. I _am_ adapting. Just not in a way you find acceptable. Because, clearly, the burden of having to change is all on me, right? Even though I never wanted to come here, never wanted to be anywhere near here… Ishtar is the only reason why I left that too empty room!"

Conall rushed off then, and I was torn with feeling bad for not being calm and patient with him, because of _course_ he was hurting… and being completely aggravated at him! Even if he was hurting, that was no reason to inflict pain on others! That didn't solve anything! And maybe it was too much to ask of him to understand, because he was six, but seriously…!

"Well, that was quite the tirade, wasn't it?" Of course, most of the anger and frustration was drowned by humiliation when I realized there had been an audience to the argument. And, worse, it was Arvis. Though our actually relationship was a tad… complicated, and I didn't consider him my 'father' (with my grandfather serving as that figure in my life), he was still one of the people I wanted to impress. He was Mother's best friend, after all. "Probably a good thing for him, since it helps get all those thoughts out of his head," Arvis continued, resting a gentle, reassuring hand on my back. "I can't imagine it to have been easy of you, though."

"I just got so tired with his tactlessness…" I mumbled, looking down. Yeah, now I was just ashamed. "And that he was hurting Diadora and Mother… and that he just seemed to dismiss healers…"

"In short, he managed to hit every single one of your nerves. I half-think he did it on purpose, to get a read on you. And then you managed to hit one of his. Or multiple ones, since you got such a long speech out of him." Arvis smiled reassuringly at me. "I don't think you did anything wrong, Cyas. He can't get away with _every_ comment, and if I'm right and he did rile you on purpose, then he needs to learn that isn't a good way to understand people."

"I still should've been calmer. I'm so much older than him…" The more I thought about it, the more ashamed I felt. What was I _doing_ , yelling at a six year old? Like he was supposed to understand anything. Little kids were dumb and learned by exploring. I knew I'd read that in quite a few books. "And more patient. I even told Ishtar that we should be patient because we got more time with Aunt Alicia than him."

"Yet Ishtar ignored you, right? And it seems had a very big impact on Conall." Arvis knelt so that he could look me in the face better. I kept looking down, after all. "Patience and serenity are good for healers, but so is knowing how to adapt to each patient. What works for one patient doesn't work for another."

"...So, I was hypocritical as well…"

"No, you discovered something that had not come up in your lessons and, even better, you saw just why it was important. In a context that didn't mean life or death, as other healers might learn." Arvis continued smiling at me. "No matter how old you like to act, Cyas, you _are_ still a child. You're still learning. Honestly, learning never ends, no matter how old and skilled you are."

"I… think I understand." It was a learning experience for us both. A painful one, like how some children learned they couldn't by jumping from somewhere high and breaking their arms. "I should still apologize."

"Of course. But you should wait until Conall is willing to apologize too. You were _not_ the only one at fault there."

"So… give him a few days, and then see about it?"

"Or wait for him to come to you. And then you change your approach to help him. If you so choose."

"Okay…" Already, I had an idea. Mainly, get Ishtar to help me. Because clearly, her method worked much better for Conall. "I can do that. I think."

It was three days later that Conall approached me, apologizing as sincerely as possible for yelling at me. After I accepted the apology, I had tried to apologize as well, for not considering his feelings, but he didn't let me. Instead, he changed the conversation to books… with a focus of learning about how the country was back when the Battle of Belhalla happened. Like he recognized why I was so scandalized by him asking Mother and Diadora about the battle. I did have to admit that it irritated me that he wouldn't let me apologize, but after a moment, I decided to just… go along with it. Maybe he thought I didn't need to apologize. Maybe he saw it in how I was willing to help. I wasn't sure. But healers needed to adapt as well, and… well, I really wanted to heal. So, maybe I should focus on helping Conall. We _were_ cousins, after all. Family. Even if he was a tactless brat a lot of the time.

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's note: Funny how seeing a single comic on twitter can spark stuff, huh? For timeline (and context) purposes, Conall is six years old and Cyas is fourteen. This is set in between Conall leaving his room and Conall meeting Julius and Julia in the first chapter of _Memoirs of Belhalla_ (meaning that Conall has been in Belhalla for… a month at most, and more likely a couple of weeks).


	14. Dew - Gran 765

Dew - Gran 765

* * *

This was bad. This was bad, bad, very bad. And, even worse, I had to somehow, _somehow_ , keep Febail and Patty quiet and thinking it was a game or something. While also carrying bunches of packs and Brigid's Yewfelle. Because of course we'd get ambushed while she and Jamke went hunting, and she didn't _hunt_ with Yewfelle. Animals sensed its power and ran away or something. Or maybe it was that Brigid felt it was too easy. I had no idea. I was an idiot who didn't know anything! All I knew was that I _had_ to make sure Febail and Patty remained safe! After all, that was my (self-appointed) job. Ever since Brigid and Jamke found me again, leaving the safety of Darna just to find me… ever since I met Febail and Patty… I promised to keep them safe. I just hoped it wouldn't be one more broken promise. There were so many…

I found a cave and ducked inside, tucking Febail and Patty way in the back with all the stuff before I rested against the wall, breathing heavily yet trying to keep quiet about it. I hoped they wouldn't have hunting dogs this time. Hunting dogs were a pain in the leg to avoid. Literally. Agh… I had thought that things would be okay when I reunited with them last year. But nope! Gods still hated us. Well, that was just fine because I hated them too. Used to be apathetic, but ever since the Belhalla Massacre (not _battle_ because 'battle' implied that the other side could fight back and we couldn't when we had put up our weapons and relaxed), I had _loathed_ them. Because the gods Aideen told me about shouldn't be so cruel. What did we do to deserve that sort of fate? Nothing. So, fuck them.

Once my breathing was under control, I ducked out to see if anyone had followed us. After all, I hadn't had the time to mask the trail. And, unfortunately, there was one scout following the broken twigs and disrupted rocks in the path. However, fortunately, they weren't really paying attention, so I snuck up on them and cut their throat, covering their mouth to make sure no sounds escaped. A trick Brigid had showed me, back in Silesse when I insisted on learning how to fight better. So that I could continue being useful to the army, the only 'home' and 'family' I had ever known. To help them as much as I could. Fat lot of good that did, with the meteors falling on us. So much chaos that I got turned around and pushed out of the city before I could think twice.

I dragged the body deep into the brush, this time careful to hide my path so that they wouldn't be discovered quickly. Or at all. Fresh meat in a forest filled with animals? I was sure at least one would like the east meal. Or carrion birds. They were around too. Point was, the body might be eaten before long and I didn't feel bad. Probably should, and I was sure that someone would bring up the grey morality of it all, but right now, I didn't care. I had to keep things simple while on the run. Once Febail and Patty were safe, I could be complicated and 'adult' again.

"Dew…?" Jamke's weak voice made me smile as I stepped out of the brush, but when I actually saw him, I had to fight to keep from screaming. He was drenched and not just with water either. He was bleeding bad, and dragged his… well, I'd call it shattered since I could see bone sticking out in at least five places… anyway, dragged his shattered leg behind him. And he was wearing a different shirt for some reason. "Dew, that you?" Jamke rasped. He coughed a bit and stumbled, probably because he was hopping on his good leg and using trees as crutches. "Everything is a bit blurry…"

"Please don't have a concussion," I begged, rushing over and slinging his arm over my shoulder to half-carry him. Jamke sighed in relief. "Seriously, we're going to have enough trouble with your leg. What the hell happened? No, never mind. Leg first."

I managed to get Jamke all the way to the camp, and did my best to try and tend to the leg. And I wasn't a healer. Not like Alicia or Claude or Aideen. I could easily see it too. I could _hear_ their reactions. I could hear Alicia gasping and quickly getting some sort of pain medication for him before looking at the leg. I could hear Aideen fussing and making sure _I_ was okay while assisting Alicia. I could hear Claude gently chiding, yet joking, while he checked Jamke for any other injuries. And within a minute, they'd have him all set up for the most efficient recovery. And then Lachesis or Lewyn or Tailtiu or Erinys would help out, and make the healing fun and relaxing. I could hear it. I could see it.

But there was nothing 'fun' about this. Just me trying to keep Jamke alive, and being more than a little certain that the leg would heal wrong. Because this was beyond the first aid I'd learned. Far beyond.

"We saw the soldiers and rushed back," Jamke explained softly. He looked and sounded tired, but smiled when Febail and Patty both crawled over to sit next to him. Febail tried to go around me so that Patty had the side to herself, but I stopped him. I needed that space for… whatever fix I came up with. "Saw that it was empty and figured you took the kids, so we focused on getting the soldiers. They chased us, and we ran, drawing their attention as much as possible."

"Wish I had left Yewfelle for Brigid," I mumbled, glancing over to where it gleamed among the dirty packs. Like it glowed with the light it used for its arrows. "So, what happened? Did you get caught and they decided to have fun torturing you?"

"No, that would make too much sense."

"So?"

"We were on a cliff. And it crumbled under our feet. So, all of us fell into the river. Brigid, me, the soldiers…" Jamke coughed then, one of those deep, rib-rattling coughs. Scared Patty and Febail, to the point that Patty teared up, though she was quickly placated by a hug and a kiss to the forehead. I just hoped he didn't get _sick_ on top of this. "One of the soldiers was mangled. Put my clothes on him along with some items I had, so that I could hide better."

"And Brigid?"

"Didn't see her." Jamke smiled bitterly. The resigned sort of smile that I hated. I hated that the gods put that smile on him. Jamke deserved all the smiles, just like Aideen and Brigid and… and everyone in the army, really. "You mind…?"

"If she's near, I'll get her." The problem, though, was that the river here moved _fast_. So even if she had survived the impact (likely because I'd seen the Holy Blooded folks survive ridiculous things), she would've been washed downstream. "Let me finish with your leg, and then I'll be right back."

I used up everything we had in the basic first aid kits we'd kept, but eventually, I was certain Jamke at least wouldn't _die_ , even if his leg might be messed up forever and a day. But since I was certain, I left to make my way to the river, using the trail Jamke left behind to find it. And covered up the trail along the way to make sure no one followed it back to us. Though, eventually, I could find the river simply by listening for it. It was roaring, the waters moving quickly over and around various rocks and the like. The body Jamke used as a decoy was right by the shore, and I was tempted to grab it and hide it a tiny bit more. Except I had a job, finding Brigid, and I could hear soldiers approaching, loud voices calling out a name. Probably the dead guy's. I didn't care, though. I had limited time, so I ran along the banks, looking for some sort of sign. But it was quickly apparent that there was nothing. A fat lot of nothing. Not even a piece of her clothes or jewelry or anything. Either she was further upstream, which meant the soldiers had her, or she was further down. And considering the rapids up ahead, I didn't think even she'd survived. I looked, though. I ran all the way to a waterfall before I gave up. There was no way to climb down, after all.

I made my slow way back to the cave, wishing that I'd hear her call my name or something. But, of course, the only noise was the soldiers, so I just… struggled to not cry. It was hard, especially when Jamke smiled sadly at seeing me coming back alone. Febail and Patty were fast asleep next to him, still too young to understand what all had happened. What all was going on. I pulled a blanket out of the packs and tucked it around them before silently sitting next to Jamke. He tried to pull me into a hug, but I refused and instead, hugged him instead. And, after a moment, he started crying. Because what other reaction was there? The only one was numbness because it seemed like we could never hold onto happiness for long.

Fuck you too, gods. I hoped you choked.

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's notes: I promise that we'll get some sweet Brigid-Jamke moments at some point during this collection and _Memoirs of the Destined_ , but given the recent _Memoirs of the Holy War_ chapter, I figured it would be good to show this. And Dew's POV fit the most for it.


	15. Reinhardt - Gran 779

Reinhardt - Gran 779

* * *

It was a fairly common job, organizing my lady's papers. Ever since she came of age, Lord Bloom had her assist him in his duties, to learn how to rule since, one day, she would take over for House Friege, and given her other duties, she needed help making sure she had everything. That's where I came in, though it wasn't often that I organized the papers while she was asleep at her desk. Since she still had her hair up in a ponytail, I assumed she _had_ been working and then just passed out. Sadly, such things weren't uncommon these days. She was under too much stress, and each day, it only got worse. So, I did what I could, just as always.

"Mmm…" Lady Ishtar mumbled, slowly waking up. She yawned and sat up, rubbing at her eyes before sleepily looking over the stacks that were much neater than before. She frowned, confused, and then looked up to where I was, trying to decide the best place for a particular report. "Ack!" And my lady promptly tried to shoot up and nearly fell from her chair. I helped her balance, however, and continued with my organizing. "Reinhardt?! When did you get back?!"

"About an hour or so ago, my lady," I answered easily. I pulled Lady Tine's letter from my pocket and handed it to her. "I wanted to check in on you, and Lady Tine wanted to send you a letter."

"Oh…" She smiled slightly, softening as she always did when Lady Tine was brought up. The two adored each other, after all. "You could've woken me."

"You needed the sleep, Lady Ishtar."

"No, I…" She began the common lie, but then sighed and simply leaned back in her chair. "I don't know why I bother. You've been with me ever since I was a child. You know how to see through me."

"It is important for a knight to see the true meaning behind his liege's words." I frowned at the bags under her eyes, and how pale she was. "My lady, do recall that while I am called a 'general of Friege', I swore no oaths to the house or land. I swore them to you, and you alone." It actually amused me that so many dubbed me the 'perfect mage knight'. I wasn't at all. Proper knights served the people, but I didn't do that. If I did, I would've had to have turned from this path long ago. No, I was Lady Ishtar's knight, and thus, I remained on the path with her. "The second you wish to change your situation…"

"Reinhardt, please…" She sighed and looked up at me sadly. "I don't want you to die, you know."

"I am not so easily killed, my lady. I trained hard for that purpose."

"That is true. Some days, I want to spar with you, but I have my pride." She managed a little smile at the 'joke', and I shook my head, laughing a bit myself. The power she commanded was far beyond my own, after all. "What sort of change would _you_ suggest, though?"

"Perhaps pursuing your heart of hearts more than the rest?"

"...Ha… most people should be so lucky that they have multiple people in their lives who can see the true troubles." She sighed and tilted her head back to stretch out her neck. "Though, you knowing what my heart of hearts feels makes me worry that others who know me well have guessed."

"I don't believe so, my lady. After all, your heart is in conflict." I wished I could help her 'fight' that conflict as well, but I really couldn't. "It masks it."

"Good." She groaned and half-sprawled on the desk, letting herself just relax. "It must be so aggravating, dealing with me." She glanced at me curiously, giving me no chance to deny that remark. "Hey, this is probably a silly question, but have you ever had _a_ crush on someone? Or on two people at the same time?"

"Hmm? Of course I've had crushes." I had to fight to keep from laughing at her yelp. This was a serious conversation. "I am not the type to really pursue such things, though." Not one to burn with passion. I'd left all the fire in the womb, and Olwen had picked up my share as well as hers when she was born a few years later.

"Reinhardt, if you chose against it because you're my knight…"

"My lady, any partner of mine would have to be content with knowing how important that duty is to me." I smiled reassuringly at her, and slowly she relaxed, catching my meaning. "And I currently do have feelings for someone. However, I don't believe I can give you any sort of advice for your predicament, romance wise."

"You'd think that with everything I have to deal with, I wouldn't even _care_ about my romantic problems." She groaned and rested her head on the desk again. "The world is going to hell, after all."

"Your heart is important, my lady. Same as any part of you." I remembered Olwen telling me that, once. I hoped she was well, wherever she had disappeared to. I'd heard rumors she was with the Liberation Army in Leonster, but I hadn't seen her the few times I was close. If she was, though… then I was sure she had found her own path, out of my shadow at long last. She was, after all, more of a 'proper knight' than I ever would be. She couldn't walk my path, and be happy about it. "And it is difficult to focus on solutions when so much of you is hurting."

"Pain shouldn't be normal." Yet, sadly, it had become normal for many. Including her. "Anyway, Reinhardt, thank you for fixing this mess, and for giving me the letter." She sat up again, smiling. "But I do insist that you enjoy a day off. Maybe spend some time with your crush!"

"My lady, you don't need to give me a day off to learn who that is. I would simply tell you." I shrugged. "I simply didn't deem it important."

"Hush, let me tease." She giggled, and though I was tempted to sigh, I smiled instead. It wasn't often she was in a mood to tease, nowadays. Too tired. "Go on, go on!"

"Let me at least finish with this, my lady. Please."

I finished organizing the papers, and then obeyed her order, to her clear delight. Though I did have to think of just where to go, and so wandered a bit, skirting near the practice yard on accident, where the new squires were training. I couldn't help but smile sadly, because a few years ago, Olwen would've been among them. But she had become a knight, and now… well, I spent many nights praying for her safety. I was certain she was, but I would be glad to see her. I was curious about how much she had grown, freed from my shadow. Sadly, my efforts had darkened her path considerably, but I was sure she had found her own light. I looked forward to seeing that, even if I also feared that path might bring us into conflict. She was my baby sister, after all. The only family I'd had ever since our father, a Friege soldier, died alongside Duke Reptor in the days before the Belhalla battle. I was used to taking care of her, even becoming a page, squire, and knight just for the stipend, so that she wouldn't have to skip meals. Well, that was the original reason, at least.

"Well, she hasn't been a child for a few years," I whispered to myself, continuing on. And she hadn't. She'd been seventeen when I'd last seen her, two years ago now. Two years… I'd never gone so long without seeing her before. I was used to guiding her on her path, helping her at every turn, even as I became aware that my path and hers couldn't be the same. She would be miserable. "Please be okay…"

Thankfully for my own anxiety, I heard the sounds of arguing and I went to investigate, as a means of distracting myself. However, when I discovered the source… well, my anxiety surged back for completely different reasons. The two arguers were Prince Julius and Prince Conall, and any argument involving Prince Julius carried a substantial risk of death. Even if they were in the gardens, where Prince Julius was most often at his calmest.

"Julius, it is not Reinhardt's fault if you're confusing respect and admiration for lust," Prince Conall noted dryly. It seemed that, somehow, the topic had come to me, and Prince Julius had been ranting. I had to admit that it hurt a little. Before he'd changed, he had admired me, frequently asking me questions about magic the few times I came to Belhalla with Lady Ishtar. Now, though… "Don't be an idiot."

"What did you say…?!" Prince Julius hissed, whirling with his hands sparking with black fire. Automatically, my hand dropped to the Dire Thunder tome I kept in a holster always, preparing to counter whatever spell he was about to use. However, Prince Julius stopped just short of touching Prince Conall's face, the black fire flickering and dancing by his cheek. But despite the close proximity to magic we _knew_ was dangerous, Prince Conall looked at Prince Julius impassively. "...Conall, you're the only one who isn't afraid on me, you know? Everyone else is. But not you."

"Should I be afraid?" Prince Conall kept perfectly calm. He often did in situations like this, because to him, pain was normal. Being close to death was normal. Even after years in Belhalla, it had been that way for him. A good thing, considering how damn tactless he could be. Like scolding someone who was known to kill on whims and for the most inane reasons. Just a few months ago, Prince Julius killed someone for humming while he had a headache, and another for wearing a color he disliked. "I'm more annoyed than anything."

"Because I won't kill Reinhardt?"

"Because you don't trust Ishtar." Prince Conall narrowed his eyes. Not quite a glare, but enough to convey how annoyed he truly was. "Who cares who loves her? She loves you, and that's all that should matter."

"But I don't like people stealing _my_ precious people." Prince Julius dismissed the magic and hugged Prince Conall, sulking. "You and Ishtar are my most precious people. You will always be with me." Prince Julius gasped and jumped away, no longer annoyed or angry, but excited. He changed moods quickly, as quickly as one might flip through a book. "Oh, that reminds me! At the last Child Hunt, the soldiers found this extensive book collection in one of the houses. I ordered them to bring it back for you, Conall. I'll go make sure it gets to your room."

"You're too kind, Julius." Prince Conall managed a little smile, and that was enough because Prince Julius laughed and rushed off. "Whoo boy…" He glanced around then, no doubt to see if it was 'safe' to vent, and saw me not far away. "Ah, Reinhardt. I didn't know you were in Belhalla."

"I arrived not long ago," I replied, bowing to him. I looked around for some sort of topic, and noticed something instantly. "Where is your shadow?"

"Hekate? I sent her to Ishtar when I saw Julius winding up for a rant." He shrugged, expression softening a little. "I was originally heading to her room to make sure she was okay. She's been overworking recently."

"I must've just missed her arrival, then." I knew he was also heading there to hide for a while himself. And because… well, no small part of me was amused that Prince Julius thought I romantically loved Lady Ishtar and yet was perfectly oblivious to the feelings slowly developing with Lady Ishtar and Prince Conall. Then again, Prince Conall seemed to unconsciously deny them, no doubt for his own safety. And perhaps, in his twisted mind, Prince Julius simply couldn't comprehend the idea of 'his precious people' doing anything he didn't want them to. "Please, don't let me keep you. I'm sure Hekate has ruined all my hard work with organizing things."

"Er… yeah, probably." He laughed, relaxing finally. "Be careful walking about, Reinhardt. I'm sure you overheard a great deal of that."

"I always am, Prince Conall." I bowed again, and waited for him to leave before continuing on my way.

Noting the hour, I finally decided my first destination and, to my delight, I was right. Cyas was in the library, sitting at a table right by the window with books scattered about him. He looked up as I approached and smiled warmly. "Ah, Reinhardt, excellent timing," he noted, gesturing to the seat next to him. "I was just thinking you'd like this book."

"Really?" I asked, intrigued. I sat down in the offered chair and smiled. "What's it about?"

"Well, you see, it's about potential medical applications of thunder magic and…" Then he was off, excitedly telling me all about the book, because one of the few times you saw Cyas without the calm healer-tactician mask he wore was when he was talking about magical theory and the like. It was just one of the many things I loved about him, really, and it let me see his smile, which was all too rare in the dark halls of Belhalla.

Besides, Lady Ishtar ordered me to visit the one I loved. And I always followed orders.

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's notes: And have a Reinhardt, just because. Slight remember that the timeline for FE5 is 'stretched' to account for the later start-time of FE4's Gen2, hence why it's only been two years since he's seen Olwen. There's various mentions to Reinhardt's lines in FEH, but it's vague, so I won't be specifically pointing them out or anything.


	16. Ares - Gran 779

Ares - Gran 779

* * *

"Ares, why won't you have sex with me?" That… that was not a question I expected to hear from anyone, much less Lene. But she was always blunt about such things, blunter than even some of the mercenaries I worked with. "Can you hear me?"

"I heard you," I reassured, glancing over to where she was sprawled out on my bed before returning to the letter I was writing. While I'd originally thought it ridiculous, I had to admit that exchanging letters with Altena over the years had been fun. We both complained and groused about jobs while teasing each other. "You simply startled me."

"Well, I've done everything I can think of to let you know I wanted to, except throw myself at you completely naked," she replied, rolling onto her stomach to sulk at me. My eyes darted to the bandages on her feet, and I made a mental note to check with Layla over whether they had enough medicine or not. "So? I know I'm pretty enough."

"You are very gorgeous and very attractive." I smiled at her before deciding to include how blunt Lene was in my letter. I knew Altena would laugh at it, even if it was sort of at my expense. And I knew she needed laughs. "As always."

"Uh-huh…" She continued sulking, and I had admit that I was very amused by it. "That's just making me more confused, you know."

"You're also very tired from dancing nightly." I signed my letter and moved to sit on the bed next to her, leaving my letter out so that the ink could dry. "And I know you worry about Layla being left alone at night."

"Well, yeah, I do…" She swung around so that she was sitting as well and tugged at my sleeve. "But…"

"I'm sorry that I made you feel insecure." That, it seemed, was the heart of the problem and I knew I was right when she grimaced. "I assure you that my refusal has everything to do with fretting over you, and _nothing_ to do with a lack of desire for you." I leaned in and kissed her, hoping it added more weight to my words. "I love you."

"And I love you." Lene smiled finally, looking a little dazed. "That's why I…" She blushed, but kept on smiling. "Well, I know sex is not the only way to show love or anything. But it's another way. And I want to show you that I love you in all the ways I can think of."

"Lene…" I was blushing. I knew I was. She was, seriously, the only one who could consistently make me do that. "You're ridiculous." Before she could protest the statement, I pulled her into a hug and laid down. "Sweet, though."

"You _can_ find out how sweet." She grinned, bracing her hands against my chest and I rolled my eyes. "You really are the weirdest, though, Ares. Pretty girl throwing herself at you, and you worry about her and her friend."

"That is because I care a great deal for the beautiful girl in question, and know how important said friend is to her."

"True. One of the many things I love about you." She leaned down to kiss me before curling up on my chest, her ear over my heart. "What's something you love about me?"

"Everything."

"Oh, come on!" She looked up briefly to scowl. "You _always_ say that when I ask!"

"That's because it's very true." It was. She was bright and cheerful, soothing to be around, always seemed to know how to make me smile… kind and caring, with a fierce protective streak… talking to me without fear, even after learning of my reputation… seriously, trying to parse it all out, even in my own head, was difficult. "I'm not really one for lying."

"I know that. But still." She huffed a bit more, but relaxed, closing her eyes. "Just name one thing? For me?"

"You're silly." Still, I sighed and ran a hand through her hair. She wasn't wearing it in a ponytail for once, mostly because she had been napping before all of this. "I love how fierce and passionate you can be, though I do worry it'll get you in trouble with Bramsel."

"Hee… well, I do try to avoid him to lessen the chances." She giggled and smiled. "Thank you for indulging me."

"Of course." I noticed she was dozing again. "Go ahead and sleep."

"Don't you have work?"

"Not anything immediate or important. Think I might nap myself, actually."

"That sounds nice…" And then she was asleep, still tired from doing two afternoon shows and the banquet show.

I smiled at her, chuckling at how easily she fell asleep, and let myself relax. Lazy afternoons weren't very common for a mercenary life and it used to be that I hated them. But ever since I met Lene, I came to enjoy them a great deal, because there were few things better than spending time with her. Very few things…

I glanced at the letter again, thinking of what Altena had wrote. Though she knew of my debt to Javarro, she actually suggested that I leave the group when the contract with Bramsel was done. I wasn't so certain about that, because I owed Javarro my life, but I had to admit that it was tempting. I didn't know where I would go or live or anything, but leaving the group would make it so that I could stay here with Lene. Or we could leave Darna together to make a life somewhere else. With Layla too because there was no way we'd leave her behind to fend for herself. She was much too good of a friend for both of us.

"When things calm, maybe I should talk to Lene about it," I whispered, more to hear the thought than anything. It sounded even more tempting when spoken aloud. "I'll think about it a bit more." After all, there was something brewing in Isaach. Something about Scions of Light, led by a Prince of Light.

Well, nothing would come of us. That was the way all resistances and rebellions went with the empire. It'll be over before I knew it, so I should just enjoy the lazy afternoon with Lene and not think too hard.

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's note: Did anyone want fluff? I wanted fluff. So, this is set shortly before the beginning of Gen2 of _Memoirs of the Holy War_ , probably a couple of months since Ares and Lene confessed at the end of her oneshot. Nothing really else to say.


	17. Julius - Gran 779

Julius - Gran 779

* * *

My head was splitting. I swore my throat was shredded. My chest felt like thousands of knives had been stabbed into me and now each one was _sloooooowly_ twisting. The coughing sounded less human and more like a dying animal hacking out its last breaths. Which I wasn't too far off. Each time one of these 'attacks' came, I knew I had lost a little more 'ground' in my fight. Lost another part. And Loptyr was one step closer…

A cool, translucent hand 'rested' on my head, and mimicked stroking my hair. All I could feel was the sensation of cold, but over the past four years, I had taken comfort in that coldness. So, when I stopped hacking, I forced myself to look up and smile. It was painful to smile, and tears slipped down my face. But I could see Mother. She was always here when this happened.

"I'm okay, Mother," I rasped to her. Her ghost, rather, since I killed her. I hadn't wanted to. I had tried to fight. But at the time, Loptyr had been too strong. "I'm okay." I wished I could make her smile, though. She looked at me so, so sadly as she stroked my hair, the only comfort she could give now. "I'm still here. I'm still me." For now, at least…

Another hacking fit hit me all at once, so fierce that I checked to see if I had literally coughed up my lungs. But when it subsided, Mother's ghost was still stroking my hair and now, there was another cold sensation, rubbing my back. It was a struggle to push myself up and smile at Sigurd's ghost, but I managed it before collapsing again, gasping for breath. I'd never known Sigurd in life, but I knew the stories. He'd been Mother's first husband, the father of my elder brother, Seliph. And he'd been blamed for the death of Grandfather, and executed in the main square. Despite that sad end, and despite Father being the one to kill him, Sigurd's ghost always sat with me when I needed comforting. He was just kind like that, and I appreciated it more than I could ever say. If not for him and Mother… if not for them, it was possible that Loptyr would've finished devouring me long ago.

Because that's what was happening. Loptyr was 'eating' my soul, in order to replenish His power. And he'd eat it all. I knew that. There was no way to stop it, and no way to fix it. From the moment He had taken His first 'bite', my end was inevitable. But I kept fighting anyway. Why? Because even if the end was inevitable, if you changed the _timing_ of that end, then you changed fate itself. I knew that too. I knew, because of Aunt Alicia. She had known she was dying, and would die no matter what, and yet, she had held on for as long as she could. To spite Manfroy. To protect me. To protect all of us. To give us the foundations, and the guiding words to choosing our own paths. And when she died, it wasn't like she had been gone-gone. Though her ghost very rarely showed up in Belhalla, since she fretted over so many people even after dying, her legacy of protection lived on in Conall. Conall, who had kept me safe through the years. Me and Julia. And still tried to do so, even though...

Really, this was all my fault. I'd been the stupid one who had gone to help Manfroy despite my misgivings. That was why I couldn't give up. That was why I wouldn't just cede my body to Loptyr. I would fight Him with everything I had, until I was nothing more than a speck in a sea of consciousness. After all, while I was a failure of a prince, but these were still _my_ people. I still had my duty to do everything I could to keep them safe, especially from the consequences of my own actions. No matter how much Loptyr took my emotions and twisted them to try and break me further, I would continue to fight. I might be His major, but I was a descendent of Saint Maera, Saint Heim, and Lady Fjalar. All of whom resisted Loptyr and his Vessels. Though all _I_ could do was resist, really. Keep Loptyr's true awakening from happening for as long as I could until… until...

"It'll be okay…" I whispered again, this time more to myself. The simple words had become my prayer these past few years. "Seliph… Seliph will save me. Seliph will save Jugdral."

I didn't know much about Seliph. Just the rumors. Eldest son of Mother, true heir to the throne. Only child of Sigurd, the Holy Knight. One of the Scions of Light, the Prince and Heir to the Light's grace… all nonsense, really. I didn't pay the rumors mind. No, instead, I focused on one key thing. He was Conall's friend. Conall considered him a friend, family even, despite being separated for so long. And that told me that Seliph was kind. That Seliph was good. That Seliph was strong. So, I knew… I knew that Seliph would save me. Would save Jugdral. Would save Conall and Ishtar and Cyas and…

It was my fault that they needed to be saved. Especially Conall and Ishtar. Cyas was beginning to accept the inevitable, but not those two. No, Conall had always protected me, and so he continued trying, to the point of destroying his own health to research just one more book, to examine one more potential lead. And Ishtar loved me, so she didn't want to give up on me. She would stay and be my anchor to the light, even as I dragged her down into shadows. Stuck in the 'denial' phase of grief, and refusing to acknowledge anything else, no matter what. Though, they likely kept denying because… because they knew I was afraid. And I was. I was afraid. Though the denial was likely born from my fear. B-because, I was afraid. I was afraid of dying. I didn't _want_ to die. I wanted to live. _I wanted to live_. There were so many things I wanted to do still. Books to read. People to meet. I wanted to live. I was scared of dying. Though, every year, dying became a little more tolerable. And if it was a choice between me dying and my people? Easy choice. No matter how scared I was. How terrified I was.

And, when I was gone, Conall and Ishtar could grieve and move on. Act on their feelings. Because I could see it. I wasn't _blind_ , even if Loptyr scoffed at the thought. Loptyr often forgot that humans were capable of thinking, believing us to be little better than livestock. That was what killed Him before, and would kill Him again. People acting contrary to what He wanted or expected. But for now, it was protection for them, which I was glad for. Oh, sure, I was a bit sad and hurt that Ishtar was falling out of love with me, but given everything that had happened? Besides, I was content in knowing that she did love me once. And I just wanted her to be happy. I wanted all of them to be happy. My most precious people… Conall, Ishtar, Julia, Cyas… I wanted all of them to be _happy_. And it wasn't like I was going to be around anyway. Not for much longer. Either my body or spirit would give out. I couldn't fight forever. Just for as long as I could. As long as I could...

Just as always, I brought up a shaking hand and tried to kill myself. It was something I tried almost every time I had full control. But the magic wouldn't come, because Loptyr 'locked' it. 'Trapped' it within. He didn't want his precious Vessel dying, and so, He prevented my magic from being turned against me. And his damnable shield meant that bladed weapons at worst grazed me. Without the power of the Holy Weapons, especially the Book of Naga, Loptyr would keep 'me' alive. It was aggravating, that I couldn't fix my mistake myself. I just had to endure. Endure, and believe in Seliph. And Julia, wherever she was. I hoped she was safe. I hoped… I hoped I would get to apologize before...

"When I die, I can give you a proper hug, Mother." Things like that made the thought of dying easier. "And I can see Aunt Alicia again… meet Uncle Chulainn..." And with those thoughts, I drifted off to sleep, holding onto the warmth they brought as tightly as I could and taking comfort from the cold, comforting touch from Mother's ghost and Sigurd's.

* * *

' _I' woke up when someone knocked on the door and 'I' yawned and rubbed at my eyes as it opened to reveal Conall. Conall, who smiled so tiredly yet warmly at 'me', despite knowing it wasn't really me anymore. Because he knew I was still there, and so, he continued burning himself out to give me light and warmth._

_I wanted to scream. I wanted to make him promise to escape. Make him promise that he and Ishtar would leave Belhalla as soon as possible and escape from the chains I accidentally bound them with. Run away, and grieve. Run away, and find their happiness again._

_But, as always, 'I' didn't say any of that. Instead, the thing that wore my face like a mask, wore my body like a costume, simply smiled and ran over to hug Conall, laughing over what we would do today._

_Gods, if you are still here, please hear and grant this desperate prayer. Let my loved ones survive and be happy. Please..._

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Notes: So, have a Julius? Aha? Figured it would be a good idea to showcase him, given… everything.


	18. ??? - ???

? - ?

* * *

Fire. The line was blessed, and cursed, with fire. Fire in their blood. Fire in their souls. Destructive fire, seizing everything it wanted and obliterating everything it touched. Warming fire, providing light to all who needed it. Duality, always. Though some would lean more to one side than the other. Such as the one who played a large part in the tragedy to come and unfolding. Vicious, cruel, pathetic… if he had been more warmth and less destruction, his wife wouldn't have found love elsewhere. Wouldn't have had two children raised apart. Wouldn't have provided the two 'perfect pieces' for the broken children trapped in shadows. But he had fathered three others (or more, but my fires and gaze focused on three). Three with their parts to play in the tragedy… and parent those who would be forced to create a happy ending from the mess.

The eldest represented the fires of ambition, how they burned and burned, carving new paths. But he also showed the dangers of that very same ambition, the dangers of believing you were _in control_. Fire might have no master, but if one was clever, they could guide the blaze. And as you burned new paths, you left things to ash, where things could fester… as he was slowly learning. He fathered three children, or so my flames said. His eldest was fire and fire alone, cringing from his own heat and hiding deep inside himself. The middle one… poor child was the fruit of the broken children's plan and had drowned in the darkness, though he still burned, a lone ember slowly boring a hole in the shadows to buy what time he could. The youngest was more light than flame, shining brightly even with no memories, though with so much light, she had to be careful, because shadows could overwhelm and consume her.

The middle child had been a healer, the warmth and protection of flames. However, unless you could spark her fury into an inferno, she also represented how helpless flames could be, confined to a single point and burning while everything fell apart. Incapable of inflicting pain, and trusting far too deeply… her life shattered and her spirit broke, though she still burned. Burned herself to ash, to continue giving warmth. She had two children, twins who also shared Tiamat's blood. The result were two wolves with all the fierceness and brightness of flames, but while the elder kept to her 'pack', the younger one seemed to walk his mother's path, burning himself out to provide a little bit of light.

The youngest… to me, he represented how a fire's strength could grow, if given the proper care. Weak at first, but growing in strength until he was an inferno in his own right. Even while dying, he burned and took his killers with him, saving his son. Because he did have a son, and a daughter too, both with the blood of Taranis. Those two were more than simple thunder. They were lightning itself, but both needed time to grow into that strength. The boy was too jagged for the power to flow, and the girl muted by the trials of her life. But the strength was there. It crackled underneath the surface, and…

"What are you doing?" At the voice, I quelled the fire back to its smallest state and turned to bow to my queen. Friend or not, I always made sure to give my respect. "Were you looking at Jugdral again?" she asked softly, smiling knowingly as she entered my Viewing room, a place in the basement of my home with amplification to allow me to 'see' beyond and a fire that always burned just for that purpose. "I swear that you have checked in fifty times today alone."

"All of us are worried," I replied, not bothering to hide. It was true. Every single one of us was beyond worried. Herja had to physically restrain Gaia from returning just a couple decades ago, and I knew that even she, with her ability to see the future, feared for those with her blessing. "Forseti has…"

"I know what Forseti did. I let him get away with it." She sighed and crossed her arms, before shaking her head. "I can only hope he doesn't cause more problems."

"We _could_ go back." I was tempted. I was very tempted. To have so much go wrong in only a century… well, a hundred years was a long time for humans. I always forgot that. "If not physically, then as-"

"No." My queen's answer was quick and no-nonsense, and I could only sigh. That had been her answer when the suggestion was first brought up. "We will remain here."

"Why are you so against us helping again?"

"Because they don't need our help." She smiled warmly and proudly. "I do keep watch. Yes, things are dark. But I believe in them. The humans and their strength… they can save themselves. We already gave them what they need. Neit agrees with me."

"He does, yes." Neit was perhaps the only one who wasn't worried-worried like the rest of us. Something about 'that idiot man's descendents glow too much for me to fret'. "But we can-"

"If we solve it _for_ them, then we will only stifle them." She closed her eyes. "It is difficult, yes, to watch them struggle. But…"

"Hard to believe you fought Duma."

"Duma fought _me_. And I disagree with both him and Mila." She opened her eyes again, now distinctly unamused. "If this was like before, we would go. But they have the tools they need. Now, we watch their strength craft a future brighter and more beautiful than anything we could even imagine."

"That's…" I could only sigh and chuckle. She had a way to convince people, a sincerity that made you want to trail behind, just to see what she'd do or say next. "You truly do love humans, don't you?"

"I do." She smiled again and skipped over to bump her shoulder against mine. Or, rather, my arm because she was shorter. "I do continue watching, and if things change, I will be the first one there. But we're not at that point. I'm sure Forseti will realize quickly how unneeded he really is."

"Is that so?" I raised an eyebrow, chuckling. Unneeded, huh? I worried, but… from what I had seen… "What did he do this time?"

"Are you saying I let him get away with it for a grudge?" She scoffed and headed out the door, pretending to be haughty. That alone told me I was right. "Ah, but the reason I'm here is because Xane is being annoying and saying I can't walk about outside without a guard. As if I can't take care of myself."

"It's _improper_ for a queen, as you should know, considering how long you have ruled." I sighed and glanced at the quietly burning flame. Then I closed my eyes and caught up with her. Much as I worried… I supposed it was good to have faith. I knew the strength of flames better than anyone. And the family _was_ fire. I would continue to watch, but I would believe in them, just as I had a century ago. "I will follow you, though."

"I know." She smiled brightly, and I knew she heard the other meanings in the words. "Let's go, then!"

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's notes: So, yeah, this one kind of appeared out of nowhere. I think I gave enough hints to piece together the POV char and his queen? ...Like I said, it just sort of popped into my head and ran away from me.


	19. Bloom- Gran 761

Bloom - Gran 761

* * *

It was amazing how easy it was to lose someone in Castle Belhalla. Even with how large it was, there were only so many rooms one could hide in. Yet, Lady Alicia was still nowhere to be found, despite my helping Arvis search for her for the past hour, _and_ him searching for a good hour before that. You would think that a healer would know to not be out and about while ill. Though, then again, she wasn't exactly 'out and about' when I finally found her.

On a whim, I'd decided to check the crypts and despite being certain it was a pointless effort, that's exactly where I found her. She was half-sprawled on the stone coffin that held her husband's body, for all appearances fast asleep. However, when I approached, she briefly raised her head to look at me with surprisingly dull eyes. I was used to those of house Velthomer having a fire in their eyes, from Arvis's blatant to Azel's quiet. But there was no fire in her eyes. Only embers, at best.

"We were worried when no one could find you, Lady Alicia," I began, bowing slightly. She deserved my respect, being Arvis's younger sister. "You have a fever."

"I'm fine," she mumbled, laying back down. I supposed it was the closest she could get to her husband now. I couldn't imagine the pain she was in. I only knew that I didn't want to experience it myself. "The stone is cool. It's like a compress."

"Still, I'm not sure the incense is-"

"I'm fine." From anyone else, I would've called the words 'clipped'. From her, they were just too tired, no thanks to how faint her voice was. It was like she was a ghost, a comparison not helped by the mourning black she wore. The dark colors only emphasized how pale and sickly she looked. "I'll be up later."

Unable to think of a reply, I simply bowed again and headed up the stairs to return to the castle proper. I really had no idea what else to do, after all. It wasn't like I'd known her or anything before this. Like most, I hadn't known she existed until about a year ago. And just what _did_ you say to a recent widow anyway? I never had to deal with that before. His Majesty would be better suited to such things, knowing the pain of both losing a spouse and child, but his own illness kept him abed. And, unlike Lady Alicia, he actually _stayed_ in bed.

Sighing and feeling out of sorts, I made it out of the crypts and walked down the hall, lost in thought. However, to my luck, I saw Arvis up ahead, still searching frantically for his younger sister. "Ah, Arvis!" I called. At my voice, he immediately stopped and smiled when I caught up to him. "Lady Alicia is below, in the crypts."

"I see," he whispered, looking down. I wished I could find some words to reassure him, but I knew none. To protect the people, and avenge his father-in-law, he had dealt with the traitors just as the law demanded. Yet, in doing so, he grievously harmed his own younger sister. It was a choice I wasn't sure I could make, and I hoped I never did. Tailtiu had disappeared in the chaos, but so long as she was happy and safe, I was fine. And I wouldn't have to decide between duty and family. "I'm not sure she should be down in such a cold place."

"She says it's good for her fever."

"...She never used to get sick. Anemia, at worst." Arvis clenched his fists, and all I could do was squeeze his shoulder. No, I didn't know if I could make such a choice. "I suppose… we can check on her later."

"Perhaps she just needs a little more time to say goodbye." After all, it had only been a few weeks since the traitors were dealt with… and only a few weeks since Duke Chulainn's funeral. "I'm sure she'll be fine. You Velthomer lot have always been a resilience sort."

"We'll see." He smiled thinly, clearly not believing the words. "We'll see."

"Oh, Bloom, there you are!" We were saved from awkward silence by Princess Diadora, though it quickly became clear just why she was running towards us. After all, she was carrying a wailing Ishtar. "I'm so sorry…" she mumbled, passing her to me. Automatically, I tried to bounce her a bit, since that normally did the trick, but no such luck this time. "I'm not sure what I did, but no one can get her to calm down!"

"Have you checked her diaper?" Arvis asked. He made a few funny faces to try and distract her, but Ishtar continued wailing. "Is she hungry?"

"I've checked both. No pain from teething, songs and cuddling do nothing…" With each word, Princess Diadora grew a little more frantic. "Gave her blankets, opened the windows… checked if there was an eyelash stuck in her eye, changed her clothes in case they were itchy…" And each reason made _me_ worry more. Was she sick? Was there something wrong? Ishtar never suffered from colic before, so I didn't think it was that…

"Needs help going to sleep? Azel would take a while." Still, I saw the worry in Arvis's eyes. Which nearly sent me panicking. What was wrong with my baby girl? "So, maybe it's frustration because she's sleepy and-"

"You're panicking too much." Small, cold hands took Ishtar from me and in the time it took me to turn to Lady Alicia, she had calmed Ishtar. "Children can sense those things, and it makes them think something is wrong, even beyond what started their tears," she chided, holding Ishtar with practiced ease. I vaguely remembered hearing she was a mother herself, a mother of twins. "Arvis, you should know that."

"Azel was a quiet baby?" Arvis sheepishly protested. Diadora giggled and I just held up my hands in surrender. I didn't have much to do with Tailtiu or Ethnia when they were babies, and I was the first of us three to have a child. "You figured it out quickly."

"The children would cry a lot during the Civil War in Silesse. Conall especially was sensitive to the changing moods." She laughed hollowly, clutching Ishtar a little. If I remembered correctly, her twins… were just a month or two older than Ishtar. At most. "Then you had Larcei, who would get upset over anything from the blanket being wrinkled to Lester stealing her toy." She tucked Ishtar under her chin, tickling her to get a little gurgle-laugh. Felt like a damn miracle to me, really. "If I had to guess, she likely started crying due to overstimulation. We had that happen a lot too, you see. Children are still getting used to people and commotions."She bounced Ishtar a couple of times before passing her back to me. "My apologies. With my fever, I shouldn't have held her."

"No, it's fine, but I'll have her checked," I reassured. She smiled wanly, and I noted it was similar to the smile Arvis wore earlier. "What brought you up?"

"I heard crying." She shrugged. "I'll head to my room now, though."

"Here, I'll walk you. It's on the way to the infirmary anyway."

"Very well." She headed down the hall without another word, as pale and quiet as a ghost. I bowed to Arvis and Diadora before following. I knew, without looking, that Arvis had flinched and Diadora was trying to reassure him. After all, if I had been in his place, I knew I would've had the same reaction.

I really did wish I knew what I could do for them all, but I didn't. I truly didn't. All I could do was give what support I could… and pray I never had to go through this either.

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's note: Funny how an errant thought sparks things, huh? In this case it was "huh. You know, since Alicia had a soft spot for Ishtar, she had to have interactions with Bloom. I wonder how those went." And so, here we are? Whoops. (Since this is 761, Bloom and Hilda are still 'happily married'. It's only later that Hilda dropped the act.)


	20. Aida - Gran 765

Aida - Gran 765

* * *

"I see you have once again gravitated to the roses, Empress Diadora," I teased. Diadora made a face at me, but happily skipped to them. Duchess Alicia trailed after her almost like a ghost, saying nothing. "I don't know why I am surprised. You always do."

"Are you truly surprised, or are you simply pretending to be so that you can make fun of me?" Diadora asked, making a face. However, her expression lit up when she looked to the roses. I wasn't sure why; they were the same as they were yesterday. "Hello, pretty ones~!"

"And now you're talking to the plants." I shook my head, even as I smiled fondly. Things like this were why she was so endearing. Even if they were also ridiculous. "Do they speak back?"

"You are so mean!" Diadora pouted at me before turning to Duchess Alicia. "Don't you agree, Alicia?"

"Oh, yes, she is the meanest," Duchess Alicia replied, glancing over at me. As always when she looked at me, the dull embers in her eyes sharpened into daggers. But her voice remained as tired as ever. Soft and low… and lifeless. A pale imitation of the tone she once used whenever she was healing someone. It made me squirm even more than her eyes. "Still, you are inordinately fond of roses. Why them?"

"Hmm… you know… I don't know," Diadora mused. She hummed a bit in thought, picking a few of the roses, and I tried to ignore the continued sharp hatred radiating from Duchess Alicia. Worse was that she never really _said_ anything. I knew she hated me. She hated me for my part in the Battle of Belhalla, hated me for tricking all of them. But she never said anything about it. As much as she hated me… she didn't care enough to voice it. Which meant that I couldn't even argue or… or anything. "There's just this… contentness I always feel when I see them."

"Is that so?" Duchess Alicia took one of the roses from Diadora and began braiding it into her hair. "How strange."

"Isn't it?" Diadora smiled. "Maybe I lived in a place where roses grew before?"

"Maybe." Duchess Alicia looked sadly at the roses before taking another one to add more to Diadora's hair. She ignored me, and I was reminded of why I normally found something else to do in the mornings when they took their walks. Because that was just… what she did. She hated me, and didn't care. And any attempts to mend that bridge were met with daggers and lifeless words. I did have to admit to being a bit annoyed, since she didn't act this way with Arvis, but there was nothing I could do. Except be annoyed and a little saddened, because she was Arvis's sister and Arvis was my best friend. "Perhaps they were a treasured gift instead."

"Perhaps…" Diadora smiled softly at the roses, and I debated whether or not I should make my excuses. I did like spending time with Diadora, but not when Duchess Alicia was around. I just felt awkward. "Ah, but here I am just staring at the roses. We should continue walk-"

The sound of a child's cry got all three of us moving, and before long, we found the source. Ishtar, Duke Bloom's daughter, had fallen and scraped her knee. I had no idea why she was out here, since she _should_ have been in lessons at this hour, but that didn't matter. What mattered was that she was hurt. Not that I could really do anything about it, mind. I was no healer, for one thing, and for another, Duchess Alicia whisked her away before long to treat her. The children, from my Cyas to little Julia, were the only ones who get her to move so quickly.

"Are you okay, Aida?" Diadora focused her attention on me when Duchess Alicia disappeared inside. "I forgot how awkward you and Alicia are with each other," she mumbled, smiling sheepishly. I could only smile and shrug in return. I didn't blame her for forgetting. After all, Duchess Alicia and I made a point to avoid each other. "I'm sorry."

"It's fine," I reassured. What else could I say? "I do admit to being curious why I am unforgiven and Arvis is not, but I suppose…" I trailed off when she winced. "I must've missed something."

"...She hasn't forgiven him. She never will." Diadora looked back to where she had gone, eyes sad. "She loves him, certainly. And since he rules well, she bites her tongue. It is something they move past." She bit her lip and glanced at me. "But I think the reason why she stays in Belhalla, instead of leaving, is so that Arvis is forced to watch her slowly fall apart."

"...Ah." Which, of course, Arvis wouldn't tell me about. "And what do you think of that?"

"I… don't, really. Other than be sad for everyone involved." She shrugged helplessly before suddenly clapping her hands. "Ah! But that reminds me! I've been meaning to ask for a favor."

"Oh?" I straightened immediately, feeling a touch proud. Probably not a good thing, but I liked being relied on. "What is it?"

"You know how Arvis has people looking for Alicia's children? Can you take over that?"

"Me?"

"Yes, because you're the most trustworthy person we have _and_ you're the most skilled!" She smiled at me, and a pleased blush washed over my face. "I think you'd have way more success."

"Well, we'll see. I do have other things…" But even as I said that, my mind was whirling with ideas and strategies. I loved multitasking, and nothing made me happier than having multiple difficult projects to sink my teeth into. ...Well, no, that was a lie. Cyas made me happier. But in terms of work, nothing made me happier. "But I'll… strongly request… being added on soon."

"Oh, thank you!" Somehow, Diadora's smile became even brighter. "So, for now, how about we finish that walk?"

"Of course." It would be much more enjoyable now. "But we're avoiding the roses, lest they steal your attention again!"

"So mean!"

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's notes: So, this may or may not have a reference to a oneshot in _Memoirs of the Destined_. Otherwise, this was just something that didn't want to leave me alone.


End file.
